The Odds Are Not In My Favor
by RMinlights
Summary: Bad fortune has shadowed Kai her whole life, so when her name gets picked at the reaping she prepares herself for certain death. Will chance meetings with the head game-maker change her resolve? Let the 69th hunger games begin!
1. The Reaping

**AN: This is my first fan fiction so feedback would be welcome! This has been writing itself in my head since I saw the film (I read the books before as well so don't fret ;) ) because I loved what they did with Seneca. Who will appear soon enough, so please bear with me! I just need to get there first. - I'm using artistic license here, because Seneca wouldn't have been head game maker for the 69th games. But he is in this story :)**

This room. This building. A place I never wanted to see again. Hadn't enough bad fortune fallen on our family already? Why me? _Why me?_ The last time I had entered the justice building was to say farewell to my sister. My 13 year old sister. The girl who'd held me whenever I woke screaming for my mother, my dead mother. The girl who'd picked up the pieces of our broken family. To me, she was the strongest person I'd ever known. I was 10 when her name was picked at the reaping. No volunteers that year. She didn't make it home. She didn't make it past the third day. 7 years had passed since then; my father and I, the only ones left, had somehow found peace again. I thought we'd be ok; we wouldn't go back to that dark place, a place hope and happiness had abandoned long ago. That is until today. The reaping. No female volunteers again this year.

My name is Kai Tate. I am 17 years old. I live in district 4. This is my story. The which if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, my toil shall strive to mend.

"Kai, sweetheart, wake-up," My father called up the stairs of our rickety little cottage that stood near the docks that held our only fishing boat. Daylight was already streaming through the tattered curtains, but I kept my eyes squeezed shut, holding onto the peace for just a moment longer. Today was the day of the Reaping. All the calm I'd managed to carefully build up inside me disappeared completely and I opened my eyes. My hands were already shaking and I felt sick. I stood and walked to the window, pulling it open to look outside. These sorts of days are the ones I love, the air was already warm and the sun painted patterns on the quiet sea, making specks of light dance on the hulls of the boats that were docked. If it was any other day I would have gone swimming, or spent hours spear fishing in the cool shallows. Not today though. Through the fear that always gripped me on the day of the reaping, I always felt a sense of unity between myself and the other children, not only in my district, but in the other 11 too. Well, except the Careers. District 4 had had its fair share of volunteers, those girls and boys who could be seen running or wrestling or throwing spears or tridents in the early morning. So we've had our fair share of victors too. I guess the reason I felt so anxious today was because no female volunteers would be stepping forward to take my place if I was picked today.

My father had hung a dress by my door. My heart contracted as I recognised the folds of green chiffon, it was my mother's favourite dress. She used to wear it at the spring festivals or the fishing celebrations, or our birthdays. I held it to my face, breathing in her scent that just about clung onto the material, and suddenly I was a child again, giggling with delight as she swung me round and round, as we danced at the harvest festival on the beach. That's one of the only memories I have of my mother, I was just 5 when she died. My father told me she died in her sleep, people did that sometimes, it just happened. Years later I found out she drowned while out on a fishing voyage. It was rough and they shouldn't have gone out at all, anyone from District 4 could tell you that, but the capitol had a quota that needed to be met no matter what. I still dream about her, struggling in the waves, screaming for help to a boat that was being carried away from her by the swelling sea. Those are the nights I wake up with her name on my lips. There were many orphans in District 4, whose parents had met the same common fate, I was lucky to have my father still.

I pulled the dress on; enjoying the way the smooth material slid so easily across my skin, and brushed my hair into submission. My dad called my name again, so I grabbed the bracelet my sister made for me out of old net rope and a ribbon for my 7th birthday and left my room, closing the door firmly behind me, praying hard that this wouldn't be the last time I would shut the door, walk down the stairs, and run my hand along the shells embedded on our banister. I walked into the kitchen where dad was placing a loaf of bread on the table. He stopped when he saw me, his face contorting with emotion.

"My little girl." He choked out, his eyes looking a little watery. "You look so beautiful."

"Come on dad; don't go all soft on me!" I tried to joke, attempting to keep up the carefree bravado I put on for every reaping. In truth, I wanted to cry, run, hide. I walked across the small room and put my arms around him. It hurt me to see how frail he was looking; you'd think years of working in the open sea air would make you fit and strong. Then again, that's probably only the case if you had enough food to keep you going, which was never the case for many of us here. Dad wiped a tear from his misty eyes and held me at arm's length, looking intently at me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm fine. Well fine considering." I smiled weakly, annoyed at the tears that were pricking my eyes. I needed to be strong now.

"That's my girl. Always a fighter." He said. That's what he always said to me and I think he truly believed it. I certainly didn't. Daria, my sister, was the fighter in our family. She'd been the strongest when mum died, and she didn't even shed a tear when she was picked to be a tribute. Unwanted memories made their way to the front of my mind; how I'd clung to her, begging her to come back, telling her how much I needed her. How father and I had sat in our house not talking, not moving, all night after the train took her away from us forever. How we would huddle together in a community hall in front of the TV, watching her parade, her interview, the launch. How I kept telling dad it would be ok, she'd be ok, as the careers took down tribute after tribute at the cornucopia. How I'd held his hand as she fled to the woods, the other tribute from our district, a volunteer, hot on her heels. How I somehow got him home, half carrying him, after they surrounded her, the careers, and taunted her for too long before taking her life. It was Murphy, the volunteer from our district who'd delivered the final, fatal blow. I'm glad he didn't make it home. The traitor.

I blinked, dragging myself back to the present. I didn't need to go there today. I accepted the tea dad handed to me, and took slow sips of the hot liquid, knowing that's the only thing I could stomach until after the reaping. We didn't talk much over breakfast. I know he was thinking about Daria, the heavy silence said as much. The sounds of people making their way to the square pulled us from our thoughts, and I felt my face going pale. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"It'll be ok sweetheart." He said softly, pulling me to my feet. "May the odds be ever in your favor." He brushed a stray strand of hair behind me ear.

Numbly, I walked out of the door, out of the safety of our cottage. Dad guided me through the crowds, and I was glad because my feet weren't listening to me.

"I'll see you after ok?" He said with a smile, though I could see the fear in his eyes. Daria used to say you could always tell what dad was thinking by looking into his eyes, a trait I'd inherited apparently. I nodded, squeezing his hand, more to comfort me than him, and turned away with a deep breath. Forcing myself to walk calmly to the officials checking us all in.

"Name?" A sallow looking man asked me as I reached the front of the queue.

"Kai Tate." I said as confidently as I could. He directed me to the place where other girls my age stood, not that I needed it. I'd done this 4 times already. I smiled at the girls already assembled, no one talked though, well not until Maria arrived. Some people talk when they're nervous. She is a prime example of this.

"Kai!" I hear her before I see her. "Oh gosh, it never gets any better does it? Barely slept at all last night. I just can't stop imagining my name being picked. But hopefully the odds are in my favor today." She put her arms around me as she babbled nervously. I couldn't blame her for it, it's just who she is, how she expresses herself. We were never close until my sister was picked. Then she sort of picked me off my feet, helped me back. I think she felt sorry for me. Like me her brother was picked, well no he wasn't, he volunteered. Not the year Daria was picked, the year before. He did well, made it to the final three, and it looked like he was going to win, until the game makers sent in a land slide. Lets just say the odds weren't in his favor. I think in actual fact his father, who was high up in our district, must have offended the Capitol in some way. Coincidence and the games are two things that don't go together.

I put my hand in hers, and she clung to it. The contact made me feel calmer, like I wasn't alone. Oregon, the escort for our district clattered on to the stage in ridiculous heels, in a fluorescent blue color that matched the rest of her hideous Capitol outfit._ Blue like the sea! _You could almost hear her tinkle in her stupid squeaky voice. I looked at the dusty ground, trying to stop my heart hammering so quickly as she did the whole Capitol spiel she did every year.

"Without further ado!" She trilled, "Ladies first!" Her hand went into the bowl, her manicured nails caressing the slips. I wanted to scream at her to hurry up! This was agony. ...Me. A begging prayer went through my head. I heard Maria saying the same thing under her breathe. She picked a slip and slowly, so slowly, unfolded it. "KAI TATE!"

No. NO.

What? NO.

Please. No.

I was vaguely aware of Maria squeezing my hand. "Go on." She whispered, her face already pale. Tears already in her eyes. Mourning my imminent death already. It was with shaking hands I made my way to the stage. There was a roaring in my ears, though I knew it came from my head. I knew that no female careers had been selected to volunteer this year, the unofficial head trainer deemed none of them ready. I looked numbly out at the crowds in front of me as Oregon pulled me into the middle of the stage and asked a silent crowd if there were any volunteers. The silence went on.

"Time for the boys!" She sang happily, as her hand went into the other bowl. "THOMAS MURRAY!" She called out, looking at the crowd with a benign smile that I wanted to slap off her stupid face. A small boy, a terrified young boy who looked only 12, began stumbling to the stage, already in tears before- "I VOLUNTEER!" An 18 year old I recognized from school and seeing him training almost constantly around the district swaggered to the stage. Thomas Murray collapsed in relief. Lucky boy.

"Oh! And whats your name young man?" Asked Oregon.

"Adrian Devon." He said in a voice as big as him. Here was a victor if ever I've seen one. He walked with steady feet to me, and shook my hand as is the practice.

"Such fun! Such fun!" Oregon crooned happily as we were escorted to the justice building and in to separate rooms. I'd barely made it through the doors before I collapsed. Desperation taking over.


	2. Keep your chin up little soldier

**Chapter 2**

"Kai! You poor poor girl!" Maria burst in the door first. She knelt by me, putting her arms round me, holding me like I was her sister. I smiled weakly, tears threatening to fall. "Hold it in girl!" She said, lifting my chin up so I was looking at her. "Don't you dare cry! You are Kai Tate. You_ will_ be strong. Ok?"

"Ok." I laughed a little, though it was an empty laugh. I really liked Maria, despite her over active mouth, she was sincere and comforting and there when I needed her. She moved so she was sitting beside me on the plush sofa I had sat on once before, when I led my head on Daria's arm, as she rocked me gently. Was I so weak? Why did I need everyone to comfort me? "Maria, thank you." I whispered to her.

"For what?" She asked softly.

"For being there. All those times. After Daria die- After Daria was picked. Every Reaping. Every anniversary of my mother's death. You need to know how much you've helped me." I said to her, thinking, no, knowing I wouldn't have another chance to tell her. "So, thank you."

She shook her head slowly. "You sound like you're saying goodbye. But you'll be back." She said firmly though I don't think she believed the words any more than I did. "Always a fighter." She imitated my father, drawing a real laugh from me. Then I stopped, it felt too normal, I couldn't be like this anymore, I had to focus on what was coming, I had to say goodbye to the 17 year old girl who would laugh with her friends at school and sneak out to go dancing and spend nights whispering to Maria as we slept over at one another's house. Don't get me wrong, I've known so much hardship, as is standard for too many families who live in every district I'm sure. But I've found respite in the lightness of friendship and being young. I needed to grow up now though. Say goodbye to that part of me. Face my death with a brave face.

"Have this." Maria said, holding out her silver pendant necklace she wore every day. It was a tiny silver trident embedded with a single blue gem; a lapis lazuli, the only gem found in our district, held by a delicate chain. I'd admired it so often.

"No, I can't! It's yours!" I said, pushing her hand back. But Maria is a stubborn girl and if she wanted to give me the necklace, I would have the necklace. For which I was grateful because it was so beautiful and reminded me of her.

"Don't argue with me Miss Tate." She said sternly, her eyes twinkling through her tears. She clasped it round my neck, and hugged me tight one last time. "Make me proud Kai." She said, stifling a sob "And I'll be wanting that back. So don't even think about dying ok?" She quickly left the room.

Jeez. How am I not supposed to cry if she goes and does that to me? I took a moment to compose myself. I had to be like Daria was, and tell dad not to worry, to be strong. However, most of my resolve disappeared as he shuffled into the room, looking older than ever, pain evident on his face. He opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out.

"It's ok Dad." I said. "I'll be ok." Though we both know it's a lie. He looked into my eyes, seeing everything I was feeling, and just held me. Just sat there and held me. I wanted to freeze time. Sit with him like this forever. But the peacekeepers had different ideas. Too soon they knocked on the door, instructing him to leave, taking my father away from me forever.

"Keep your chin up little soldier." He said to me. "Always the fighter." He kissed my forehead.

"Goodbye." I said as he walked away from me, keeping composure.

"Goodbye for now." He replied, and stood a little straighter. He looked at me, as if he were drinking up the image of his youngest daughter as she made her way to the slaughter. Suddenly I wanted to scream for him, beg and plead for him not to leave me. But then he was gone. I was alone. "Daddy." I whispered as the door clicked shut behind him.


	3. Such fun!

**Chapter 3**

"Come along you two!" Chirped Oregon as she hustled us out of the justice building and towards the station. There were cameras following our every move. Dad's words echoed in my head. _"Keep you chin up little soldier" _I will dad. I will. Adrian kept smiling smugly at the cameras, I wish I had his confidence, I wish I could be so certain I would win. I don't though, so needless to say, making it onto the train without tripping or starting to cry was a relief. I took a moment to collect myself again, carefully building an impenetrable wall blocking out the world that would stay up from now until the moment the cannon signalling my death went off. I turned and stood next to Adrian as the doors slid shut, both of us taking a final look at the district we called home. Even he suddenly looked frightened which surprised me for minute, because careers aren't scared of anything. They are lethal killing machines. But he's only a kid, I guess, and no amount of training will take that longing to stay young and innocent out of anyone. Without thinking I put my hand on his arm, and we stood together as the train pulled away from the station, carrying us into the unknown. Suddenly he jerked away, the vulnerable Adrian gone in an instant, the arrogant returned. He gave me a look as if to say, I didn't just see that ok? And swaggered into the carriage.

Oregon was sitting primly at a grand table, next to an older woman in deep conversation with a young man.

"Such fun!" Oregon crooned as we sat down opposite them. "Well let me introduce you to your mentor Mags, she'll be training you and getting you sponsors and helping you to shine!" Oregon looked like she might just explode with happiness, her shocking blue hair bobbled as she clapped her hands together. "And this handsome young gentleman needs no introduction I'm sure." Neither did Mags though, I thought, we weren't born yesterday. "Finnick thought he'd come along and give Mags a hand with everything. Isn't that sweet of him!" She fawned, shooting him a coy smile. I raised an eyebrow at Adrian who was looking slightly sickened by the overly happy ignorant escort that sat opposite us. He shot me a grin.

"So you two." Mags began as Oregon fluttered her eyelids at Finnick. "I know this is scary, but I'm here to help. The both of you. If you need anything just let me know and I'll do my best." She leant forward and placed a soft, powdery hand each on mine and Adrian's. "I may not be so young anymore, but if you want to know how to kill someone with your bare hands, my door is always open." She winked as Oregon spluttered into her cup, making Finnick laugh loudly. Capitol attendants suddenly appeared carrying dishes of food finer than any I have seen before. My mouth fell open and it took me a moment to remember how to shut it.

"That's was pretty much my reaction too." Finnick said to me, and I looked at him properly for the first time. This didn't help my attempt to regain my dignity. Oh wow. He was even more handsome in the flesh. Sure I'd seen him off the cameras but never so close, and I didn't realise he'd become a man. He must be 19 now, I quickly did the maths in my head, and he won 5 years ago. He smiled crookedly and I looked at my plate. Smooth Kai, really smooth, I mentally kicked myself.

"So when do we start training?" Adrian asked as I began sampling the exquisite dishes that were quite honestly heaven on a plate. "Do we get to practise with the other tributes? When can we decide on alliances? And how do we get sponsors?" Ladies and gentleman, I give you a classic career.

"One thing at a time." Mags said to him, smiling in such a motherly way it caused me pain. "Let's get to the Capitol first, and let you meet your stylists."

"Yes! It's fortunate you're both good looking! Last year the girl looked like a boy, and the boy looked like a girl!" Oregon laughed. I'll just point out that both of them died horrendous deaths. The boy became a human torch at the hands of the game makers and the girl was disembowelled by her own ally from district one. "But I think we can work with you two."

I focussed on my food. I've never eaten so much in my life, and thoughts of what awaited me were threatening to put me off my food. The main courses were replaced by equally tempting dessert, but before I could choose which dish, Finnick pushed a rich looking brown sponge towards me.

"Chocolate." He said. "Your life will never be the same after it." Sweet heavens, he was right. It was so good. Dad would lov- No, no. Don't think about home.

"Your necklace is exquisite! Is it your token?" Oregon asked me. Never mind then.

"Thank you. Yes, it was from a friend" I replied, focussing on the pattern on the arm of my chair.

After the meal we were instructed to get an early night, we had a busy day tomorrow, once we reached the Capitol. I doubted sleep would come though, I was feeling a little ill from the amount of food I had just consumed, and Adrian looked in the same state.

"It was worth volunteering just for the food!" He joked as we left the room and made our way down the train.

"Well every cloud has a silver lining." I said, eliciting a laugh from him.

"You're alright Kai." He said patting me roughly on the shoulder. "I'd consider an alliance with you, if you had skill." Was that a complement or? I stood there for a moment as he disappeared into his room.

Does everyone in the Capitol live in this kind of luxury? I thought as I slipped into my massive bed after spending about an hour in the warmth of the shower. Sleep didn't come as I'd predicted. Thoughts of my sister filled my head. Did she sleep in this same bed? Did she like the food? Did she feel the same dread I feel now? At about 6 in the morning I gave up even trying to doze and got up. I looked at the wardrobe and choose black leggings with a sea green top that 'matched my eyes' as Maria would say.

I assumed we'd be meeting in the same compartment as yesterday, so I made my way back there. To my surprise, Mags was already in there, back to me, sipping something out of a cup.

"Good morning." I said quietly, announcing my presence. She turned, smiling at me.

"Well good morning!" She stood, looking me over. "I didn't sleep my first night either." Then without warning, she crossed over and folded me in her arms. I stiffened at first, but then returned her warmth without question. "You look so like your sister you know. It broke my heart when she died, she had such a kind heart. It's not right that you got picked as well." She pulled away and put a hand to my face. "I'll tell you what I told her. Staying true to yourself is the best defence in the arena. Remember that." Then she turned and walked out of the compartment.

I allowed myself a few tears at that moment, imagining my 13 year old sister sitting on the train, laughing at something Mags had said. I thought about what I'd just been told. It was true, the games made people turn into animals, it turned them barbaric. Those who refused to change were the ones who died, my sister being a case in point. What did Mags mean then? Did she not think there was a hope I would survive the games? That's comforting. Then again, I was told by my dad that Mags was the only victor from District 4 who wasn't a volunteer. So perhaps she saw herself in me. I was still mulling this over in my head when Adrian entered the room, followed by Finnick and Oregon.

"Good morning tributes!" She trilled. How was she still cheerful this early? People from the Capitol are strange. "Eat up! Eat up! We're almost there!"

"Already?" Adrian and I asked at the same time. I imagined it would take far longer.

"Why yes! This train travels at over 200 mile per hour!" She said as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "No time to lose! Schedules to keep to" She darted out of the room, a flustered attendant in tow.

"It must be very colourful in her head." I commented as I nibbled on apple slices coated in sugar. Finnick and Adrian laughed.

"Full of fluffy clouds, clocks and rainbows most definitely." Mags said, entering the room. "Come to the window." She instructed. The blinds suddenly went up and we were greeted with our first ever view of the Capitol. It was huge. It was colourful. It was…

"Wow." Breathed Adrian, I nodded in agreement. We were both so busy staring at the immense buildings we didn't notice the excited crowds that were flocking to the train station as they saw a tribute train pulling in. I glanced at them as they began screaming in excitement. What on earth were they all wearing? People were garbed in bright colours with strange patterns and extravagant accessories that clashed magnificently with unnatural hair colours, and yes, even skin colours.

"Adrian, look at the people." I said quietly. His eyes narrowed, then widened. Disgust was evident in his eyes, and I'm sure they reflected mine. Despite the fact he came from a relatively wealthy family, a hatred of the Capitol ran deep, regardless of District status.

"Smile!" Finnick instructed as he joined us. "There might be sponsors out there." So I did just that, smiling as benignly as Oregon herself at these strange creatures from the Capitol who were waving and pointing at us like we were just creatures for their entertainment. Oh wait. We are.

In fairness to Oregon, she had us off the train and into a large building nearby so quickly I could barely blink. This was a good thing, because I don't like large crowds where the people are excited about watching us die.

"Right you two, you're both going to spend the rest of the day with your prep teams and stylists." Said Finnick, pulling the door closed behind him as women chanted his name and screamed exclamations of love to him. He didn't seem fazed at all.

"Let them do their thing." Mags added, "Even if you feel uncomfortable. They know what the sponsors like." She gave us a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Adrian dearest you follow me." Oregon instructed quickly. "And Kai, go down that corridor there, turn left, and then right the take the second door. You can't miss it!" I nodded as she bustled Adrian down another corridor. "Such fun!" Finnick winked as he and Mags got into an elevator, leaving me alone.

I started down the corridor, and was met by a choice of left and right. I went right. In my defence she said everything very quickly, and I was bewildered enough as it was. I hadn't been walking long before I began to think I'd gone the wrong way. Not only did this corridor begin to curve to the left, but also start sloping downwards. I hesitated, worried I'd be punished if this area was forbidden or something. I turned around decisively, just as a door to my left was flung open and someone walked straight into me. Fortunately, strong hands caught me just before I sprawled on the floor, and placed me back on my feet. Thank goodness my first encounter with someone from the Capitol wasn't from the floor. However, any relief I felt left instantly as I found myself staring into the iciest blue eyes I have ever seen. I was transfixed.

"You shouldn't be down here." He had a deep voice and I recognised the Capitol accent, though it was more diluted than Oregon's. I swallowed, not able to take my eyes off his. I was suddenly very aware his hands were still on my arms, and he was standing very close.

"You shouldn't be here." He repeated. I'm pretty sure neither of us had blinked yet. There was such an intensity behind his gaze I felt colour flood to my cheeks.

"S-sorry." I said, my own voice jolting me back to reality. "I got lost." My heart was beating too fast. I didn't understand why I was reacting so irrationally. I'd never been rendered this speechless before. My eyes took in his well-groomed hair, defined jaw, and the intricate curves of his black beard. Part of me was surprised he looked so normal, save for the beard you wouldn't know he was from the Capitol. No, wait. You would. He held himself with such power and elegance, and his clothes were made from the finest material. He was beautiful. His exquisite eyes looked me up and down, holding me frozen on the spot, he smiled slowly as he took me in. The only sound in the empty corridor was that of our breathing. He was so very close…

"Go back the way you came and keep going." He breathed. For a moment, his eyes seemed to be telling me to take that literally, to run and keep running. I wet my dry lips, and caught the way his eyes followed that little movement. I heard a door slammed somewhere and suddenly I was running, free of the spell. I fled blindly down the corridor again, and didn't stop until I burst into a room full of colourful people who positively beamed at me.

"Oh we've got a looker this year!" They chorused in unison.


	4. Like the sea

**Chapter 4**

My prep team were a happy, ignorant lot. Once they'd compared me to the last 'monster of a girl' they'd had to work with, they'd put me on a bench and told me they'd get started on de-hairing me straight away!

"De-what?" I asked with wide eyes. Apparently this was very cute of me.

"Oh bless you! We can't blame you! What opportunity have you had to look fabulous before now? None I bet!" Cried one short man with yellowy skin and white hair, which along with his plump figure made him look like a potato.

"Oh don't tease Terrence!" said an incredibly thin women with equal exuberance, whilst admiring her striking purple skin and black hair. I learned later her name was Glaze. "We're just going to get rid of all the hair on your body that doesn't need to be there! Sponsors won't go for hairy tributes."

"It won't hurt a bit!" The final member of the team, who was sporting more of a fruit salad look, said comfortingly. That is the worst understatement I have ever heard. For what seemed hours I laid still whilst they tore strips of material with wax on off my body, pulling my poor body hair out of its roots. I gritted my teeth against the pain and tried to go to my happy place, but whenever I closed my eyes I saw his face. I felt his breath on lips. Even the memory of it sent shivers down my spine. I'd kissed a few boys in my life, at festivals were the cider flowed freely and all our worries were taken away for a night, but I'd never felt such a feeling of desire as I had with just a brief encounter with this mystery man, which was stupid really, because we barely spoke, I don't know his name or what he did. But part of me pictured the way his eyes took me in, the way he watched me lick my lips, sending warmth through my body. I've never had anyone look at me in such a predatorial way, and I liked it.

"All done!" Said the fruit salad woman, pulling me off the bench and giving me a robe to put on. "Now we thought we'd go with the sea look this year! Waves and sirens and what not, since you're from district 4" Ooh, creative. Terrence began pulling a brush through my hair, complementing its colour, while Glaze began on my nails and the fruit salad woman, China they called her, started on my make-up. I'd never been able to afford make-up, nor had time for it really, and I didn't like the way it felt, like my already raw skin was being suffocated. Well perhaps the blue eyed man would find me more attractive this way. No! I needed to stop. I was here in the Capitol to get ready for a fight to the death, so why on earth was I thinking about this man? I determinedly pushed the thought of him out of my head and focussed on what might help me survive the ordeal that faced me. Well, survive as long as possible. I knew I was fast; I would nearly always win or come second if we had races at school. I could swim, though that only mattered if there was a big body of water in the arena. One of my elderly neighbours had a herb garden and she used to tell me all about them, and the poisonous plants which I should avoid. I wished I'd paid more attention, but still it might help. I was a good spear fisher, or so my dad said, which must mean I'm fairly accurate, but fish aren't trying to kill me. From a young age, I would make drift wood fires with my sister, then with Maria on the beach and watch the colours, so I wouldn't need to worry about freezing. I felt calmer after listing these points in my head. Maybe I wasn't so hopeless, not good enough to win, but good enough to survive for a while at least.

"No! China! Not that colour! It's too green!" Said Terrence loudly as China pulled out some hideous looking lipstick. "Misha said natural colours for the face!" I silently thanked Misha, whoever he was, as China scowled and put the offending lipstick back down.

"I think we're done here!" Trilled Glaze examining her handy work. They stood up, pulling off my robe again, and admiring their handy work. "Misha will be in soon to dress you." She said, as the three of them bumbled out of the room, complimenting each other for 'polishing such a gem.'

I pulled my robe back on, uncomfortable at being so exposed. I examined my nails in an attempt to ignore the butterflies in my stomach that fluttered every time I thought about the parade I would be taking part in later. They were polished so they shone, and they were coloured a deep blue that glittered in the light, so it did actually look like the sea. I wondered what I would be wearing; I wondered what the other 23 tributes would be wearing. I wondered what they were all like, if any of them were the size of Adrian I was screwed. I was pretty much screwed anyway. The door swung open and a tall man with pale skin walked in.

"Hello Kai! Congratulations on being picked! My name is Misha, and I'm here to help." He said with a winning smile. He had long pink hair tied down his back in a braid, and his face was perfectly symmetrical, well perfect in every way. I'd heard people often altered their facial features surgically in the Capitol. What vain creatures they are.

"Take off your robe please sweetie." He said, and proceeded to circle me with a critical eye. "They've certainly done their job. But then again, from what I saw at your reaping, you were already a beautiful young lady."

"Thank you." I said politely, warming to him slightly. I couldn't help it, everyone likes flattery.

"So how do you like the Capitol so far?" He asked as he began pulling what I assumed was my outfit from a bag.

"Well, it's big." I said smartly. "From what I've seen of it. And colourful. And I like the food." He laughed, it was a nice sound, nicer than the fake tinkling laughs of Oregon and the prep team.

"It certainly is." He agreed. "Well Kai, I thought we'd make you as fierce as the raging sea for the parade tonight. Let everyone know you're not to be messed with."

"But I'm not fierce." I said softly.

"Now young lady!" He said taking my face in his hands. "When I look into your eyes, I see a spark in them, a spark that says you can be as deadly as the ocean if you need to be." He patted my cheek and leaned forward conspiratorially. "And people tell me I can read a character very well."

I smiled at him, deciding I liked Misha, and I was glad he was my stylist even if the only thing he brought to the table was the ability to talk me up. It wasn't the only skill he had though; the costume he pulled out looked beautiful. It was the same colour as my nails, a dark blue with shades of black and lighter blues intertwined in the material. There was a crochet top that showed a bit too much skin for my liking, but Mags told me they know what they're doing so I didn't protest. A single gold chain went from the top to the floor length skirt and round my waist. He put a gold armlet in on both arms and a length of blue material went from each to the back of the top. My hair was left down and I wore golden sandals on my feet. Misha stood back, smiling with satisfaction.

"You certainly look striking." He said, guiding me to a mirror. He wasn't lying. The material at the back looked like a wave was engulfing me, and the make-up made me look foreboding and deadly. I looked like a goddess of the sea.

"Thank you." I said, this time with utter sincerity.

"Just doing my job." He said, stroking my hair in an affectionate way. "If I were a sponsor, I wouldn't hesitate to sponsor you." He took my hand and led me to an elevator. Adrian, Finnick, Mags and Oregon were already waiting there, with another Capitol woman who I assumed to be Adrian's stylist. Finnick wolf whistled, and I winked at him jokingly, filled with confidence thanks to Misha and his words of wisdom. Adrian looked pretty amazing, in only a wrap sort of thing around his waist. Apparently less is more in the Capitol, because his chest was bare and his muscles looked huge. I felt colour rising in my face again, which left again quickly, as I remembered I'd be facing him in the arena.

"Well don't you two look marvellous!" Oregon chirped, seemingly overcome with happiness. Mags smiled encouragingly at me, nodding in approval.

"You scrub up well Tate." Adrian said smirking.

"So do you Devon." I replied blowing him a kiss and laughing. As I did so the elevator doors slid open, and several Capitol men walked out, all looking rather important. One of whom kissed Oregon on the hand, causing her to giggle manically and turn the colour of beetroot. They barely looked at Adrian and me however, as they strode past us. That is except the last man to leave the elevator, who was none other than my mystery man himself. My heart stopped, and then picked up again double pace. He gave an acknowledging nod to our party and was about to sweep past until he glanced at me. He paused only slightly, half his mouth pulled up in a smile, and raised one his eyebrows, just barely, before continuing on his way. I don't think anyone else noticed this brief encounter as they were already getting into the lift. I followed suit, my mind reeling and heart pounding. Misha got in behind me and pressed a button.

He subtly leaned towards me and whispered; "It seems you've caught the attention of the head gamemaker."


	5. Opening Ceremonies

**AN: thanks to spreethis and Lovinglifesince1993 for my first ever reviews :)) I really appreciate them!  
Hope you all enjoy chapter 5! **

Misha winked at me as the elevator reached the bottom floor of the building, but I didn't have time to fully process what he'd said as Oregon whisked us out into what looked like a huge stable. I froze suddenly, as standing before me were 22 tributes from the other districts. I was expected to fight with these people? Two girls and two boys were standing together at a chariot harnessed to two huge grey horses, no points for guessing where they were from. They all stood about half a foot above everyone else, well except Adrian, and the way they leaned against the chariot screamed arrogance and self-confidence. Had they already formed alliances? Or did people with that much muscle just sort of gravitate toward each other? I could see them already sizing Adrian up with approval, one of the boys even nodded at him.

"Mouth closed Kai; it's very unbecoming of a lady!" Chided Oregon as she walked past us, taking the lead. I hadn't even noticed it was open, and being 'lady' wasn't going to help me where I was headed, you can't kill people with good posture and enunciation. Adrian snickered at me, I shot him a glare and stalked off to the chariot Oregon had gone to with my head held high. I couldn't help notice the tributes from 10, 11 and 12 looking at me with the same fear that I'm sure was just present in my face as I beheld the careers. I caught their glances and they looked down quickly. Why? I wasn't scary, I was like them; doomed to death at the hands of one of the trained-since-birth tributes who were looking at us all as if they were already imagining how they could kill us. I told myself it was just my costume, or maybe they assumed I was a career too because I was from 4.

"After you!" Adrian said, in a Capitol accent, holding my hand up as if I were a lady.

"Careful, someone might think you were mocking the Capitol." I smirked as I accepted his help.

"God forbid." He said with a smile, climbing in next to me.

"Why are you being nice?" I asked as the thought struck me. "Shouldn't you be buddying up with the other careers, you know, creating alliances early." I wasn't sure I wanted to create any sort of friendship with him if he was going to turn into a killer after my blood as soon as we were in the arena.

"Maybe I haven't decided yet." He said quietly, "besides, you're far less likely to stab me in the back as soon as my guards down."

"Oh really?" I asked raising an eyebrow in jest. "And what makes you so sure of that?"

"Come on, you couldn't hurt a fly." Adrian laughed.

"Try telling that to all the fish I've speared." I retorted, joining in with his laughter. The sounds of our amusement drew looks from the nearest tributes, from 5. Oh, they both looked so small, so innocent. This was wrong. They should be being tucked into bed by their mothers, not facing the monsters from 1 and 2 in the arena.

The doors of the stable area opened and we were dazzled by rays of the setting sun, and the wall of noise that ascended us as our chariot began to move forward. I gripped the front of it, trying to keep my balance, as we were pulled out into a huge street lined with endless spectators crowding in, screaming with excitement.

"Don't smile." Muttered Adrian in my ear as we began our journey, "make them think you mean business." I nodded my head only slightly and set my jaw, looking emotionlessly forward, ignoring the crowds that chanted our names as we passed them. I was grateful then for the long skirt, because my knees were shaking with fear. I've never seen this many people gathered at one time, and I've been to 5 reapings now. 'Chin up Kai' I thought, 'let them think I'm terrifying, let them think I'm fierce.' I could fool them for a little longer, just long enough to get sponsors.

I noticed for the first time that music was blaring along with the crowds screams. It was loud and fast, and seemed fake and shallow, like the people here, nothing like the tunes I was so fond of back home that told tales of lovers or the raging sea. All I wanted was to get out of here, into the safety of silence, but our parade went on for another 15 minutes before we reached the City Circle. I had to admire the architecture of the place, the huge stone buildings and statues were carved so expertly and with such intricate patterns I felt I could stare at them forever. I was so absorbed by them, I didn't notice the man who walked to the podium on a raised level above us, in front of the biggest house I have ever seen. Immediately the crowd went silent and I quickly focused on the greying figure before me. So this was President Snow. The man who was responsible for so much suffering in the districts he claimed to rule over, the man who stood year after year in front of children he was sending in to be slaughtered, my sister included. He began to speak, and I wondered if he knew how much hatred must be aimed at him right now, in the thoughts of the tributes assembled before him, and from those people at home and in the other districts who are forced to watch this whole affair.

The hairs on my neck began to prickle, and I got that feeling I get when someone is watching me. I shook my head slightly, trying to ignore the sense of unease that was settling over me, thinking any number of people in the crowds behind me could be looking. However the feeling only intensified. I glanced at the people gathered around the president's podium, but couldn't see anyone looking at me and I was about to look down when that pair of icy eyes that had been lingering in my thoughts since I first looked into them caught my gaze. It was him. This time I was with it enough to hold my own as I returned his gaze with hostility. The head gamemaker. The man who spent his days coming up with creative ways for children to meet their maker. Perhaps I'd thought that this revelation about him would rid me of any desire and yearning I had to see him again, to look into those hypnotic eyes, to reach out my hand and touch his beautiful face. But apparently not. And this disgusted me. How could I feel anything except hatred towards him? He must be a man with no compassion, and a man with no compassion isn't a man at all. That's what my father used to say. But something about him still set my heart beating faster; something drew my eyes to his and kept them locked there.

Abruptly our chariot moved forward, the president had finished talking and the crowds were screaming again. I straightened my back, and managed to pull my eyes from his, pursing my lips slightly. I was fierce, I wasn't to be messed with, remember. I felt his eyes on my back as we were taken into the training centre.

"Well didn't you both just look amazing. Such fun!" Cried Oregon, clasping her hands together as we came to a halt by our little crowd. Words of agreement came from our stylists and Mags. Finnick was nowhere to be seen. I suddenly noticed my knuckles were positively white from my gripping on to the chariot so tight. I let go and rubbed them quickly, trying to get the blood flowing again. My knees went weak as I stepped onto solid ground again, but fortunately Misha was already pulling me into a bone crushing hug so I didn't go crashing to the ground. Several tributes weren't as fortunate, and I caught sight of a couple picking themselves up again as I was released by my endearing stylist.

"We have you two to thank." I said to Misha and Adrian's stylist.

"Nonsense!" Misha replied. "Kristie and I barely had to anything. Beauty isn't something you can fake." Unless you're from the Capitol I added mentally, but smiled gratefully at him.

Mags directed us onto another elevator, and pressed the number 4 and we went whizzing up to our suite. How were the people here not really fat if they never used stairs? I thought vaguely as we sailed upwards, watching the crowds below shrink as we went higher.

If I thought the train was luxurious, there wasn't a word in my vocabulary to describe the extravagance and beauty of our quarters. Exotic looking flowers were arranged in beautiful bouquets sat in vases that looked more expensive than our home in district four, most of the surfaces were made from polished marble, or rich looking wood and the seats were gilded with gold. So this is what it's like to not live in poverty, I could most certainly get used to this, but a week would have to suffice.

"Mouth closed Adrian; it's very unbecoming of a lady." I whispered to him as he stared; mouth a gape, at where we would be living.

"What are you two laughing at?" Asked Oregon as we joined everyone at the table, still chortling at my wittiness.

"Oh nothing." Adrian said, as silent attendants brought in dish after dish of food that was as high quality as the room we were sat in. I eagerly began piling my plate, if I was going to die, I would eat as much as I possibly could beforehand.

"Well I must say it's good to see you getting on." She trilled, "last year the tributes barely spoke at all!"

"It's easier to kill someone you don't really know." Finnick commented drily as he entered our suite and pulled up a chair. "Pass the peas Kai."

"Where have you been?" Adrian asked as I leaned across to hand him a bowl filled with peas soaked in butter.

"Entertaining some… friends of mine." He stated in a tone that implied we were to change the subject. "Don't worry; I still saw your impressive debut. Your names were being mentioned a lot."

"I don't think I'll have too much problem getting sponsors this year." Said Mags happily, then turned serious. "Well, depending on how efficient you are in training. Now, do either of you have any skills that will come in useful?"

"I can handle a sword well, and I've won several wrestling competitions." Adrian began to list. "I'm an accurate thrower and I'm fast at running, and I'm a strong swimmer."

"Modest." I said and Adrian flicked a pea at me, making Oregon tut loudly.

"Modesty won't help in the arena Kai." Mags remarked. "That's good Adrian. Save most of the sword work for the gamemakers." Why did my face warm up when she mentioned them? "But throw your weight around in training, show everyone how efficient you are, make them fear you."

Finnick nodded in agreement and Adrian's eyes seemed to light up at the prospect. This was what he'd been preparing for his whole life.

"What about you Kai?" Finnick asked, and everyone turned their attention on me. Oh damn.

"Er… Well." I started, "I can swim too, and I guess I'm pretty fast, for a girl." I said pathetically.

"What about all those poor fish you spend your time spearing?" Adrian put in, and I shot him a grateful look. Oh yeah.

"Yes, dad always said I was one of his most accurate workers." I said. "And I can make fires pretty well, and I have a pretty good knowledge of plants."

Mags smiled at me. "Well now, that gives us plenty to work with. How about working on your strength then, in training, so when you have your private session with the gamemakers you can show them your accuracy and distance with the spear." I nodded, liking the idea, and feeling a bit more hope fill me. I was glad we had Mags as a mentor, she knew her stuff.

After dinner, we gathered in the TV room to watch the re-run of the opening ceremonies. I look unrecognisably good in my costume, like a queen from an ancient civilisation, who had the world at my fingertips and Adrian looks equally regal. Only the careers look as good as us. None of the other tributes make a particular impression on me, except from the two from 5, who are by far the smallest and look the most terrified. I suddenly feel quite maternal over them, and a need to keep them safe hits me. I push the thought away, they would probably die at the Cornucopia, and that would probably be better for them than being hunted down by the careers.

Once congratulations have been said, backs patted and hugs given, Adrian and I were sent to bed. We had an early start tomorrow, and Mags wanted us to be as fresh as possible.

"Catch ya later Tate." Adrian said to me as we parted.

"Sure thing Devon." I replied sticking out my tongue, before entering my room. I spent a good hour in my shower playing with all the buttons. I came out smelling the best I've ever smelt in my life, pulled on a pair of silk pyjamas left out for me by one of the silent attendants, and sunk into the soft mattress, wondering what would face me tomorrow. Sleep soon took me, and the man with blue eyes walked along the corners of my dreams.


	6. I Am NOT A Career Ok?

**AN: Thanks for the reviews! You can't comprehend how much I appreciate them, because I didn't even know if I was any good :)  
I went to see the hunger games again earlier, and was desperate to write this chapter when I got back even though its late, because everything was fresh in my mind again. It's 1:30 at the moment, so I apologize for any typos. I don't think there should be too many. Not much Seneca in this one, because it got too late, but I might do chapter 7 tomorrow, if you're lucky ;) which will feature him more heavily. Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I do writing it!**

When morning came the next day, my disorientated mind told me a few more minutes wouldn't matter; dad would knock on the door if it got too late. Then my eyes flew open as memories of the past two days flew back to me, and I was greeted by the view of my magnificent room. Definitely not still in District 4. I got up and stretched, the butterflies returning to my stomach all too soon. Training. I gulped, today I would see the extent of the careers skill, today I would see how tiny my chances of coming out of the arena alive are. Happy times. I absent-mindedly pulled on the snug black outfit with the number 4 printed on the back, that had been laid out for me sometime in the night. I couldn't help my thoughts return to the beautiful black haired man that had featured so heavily in my dreams last night. Would he be there watching us today? I didn't know whether I wanted that or not; see, I wanted to see him again, as much as I tried to fight it, I was become obsessed, and why fight it? I was going to be dead soon anyway. On the other hand, I didn't know how much I would be able to focus if he was present, especially if he was watching me, he had a hypnotic power over me.

I was still mulling this over as I walked to breakfast. The room was empty save for a tired looking Finnick. Huh, I didn't realise it was that early. Or was it late? No, Oregon would have woken me. I grabbed myself a bowl of warm grain and a couple of rolls of bread and went to sit opposite him.

"Partying all night were we?" I asked, grinning at his pale looking face. I'd been hung-over once, after a party on the beach and I knew it wasn't a good feeling.

"Something like that." He muttered not looking at me, he didn't look hung-over up close, but something wasn't right. My smile faded, this wasn't at all like the self-assured Finnick I'd watched on TV screens, and even experienced over the past few days.

"Are you ok?" I asked quietly, putting a comforting hand on his.

"No." He murmured in a barely audible voice that I didn't think he meant for me to hear. Were there tears in his eyes? Then suddenly, before I could blink, the old Finnick was back. "Sure I am." He grinned boisterously, pulling his hand off the table. "What about you though? Ready to show the other tributes what you're made of?" I had to give it to him, he was skilled at changing the conversation, as my earlier anxiety came flooding back.

"I don't think I am." I admitted. "I can't get rid of the constant feeling of dread; every time I relax for a second, I remember what's coming, and I get so panicked I can barely move." I let all the words flow out of my mouth, my heart started thudding as I felt fear building up inside me. Embarrassingly, tears started to form in my eyes, and my breathing became almost hysterical. Finnick stood, and swiftly walked round the table. He knelt down and took my hands in his.

"Kai, look at me." He said, and I forced my eyes to his. "I know what it feels like, I've been there. Even though I volunteered, every waking moment I was so scared I felt sick. But listen, everyone else is feeling that too; Adrian, the careers, the rest of them. I'm sorry, but it won't go away, I wish I could tell you it will, but it doesn't, even when you're in the arena. The trick is to cover it up. You have to make them think you're ok, that you're on top of everything."

"I don't know if I can." I whispered with a shaking voice, admitting it to him and myself.

"Be strong, Kai, be strong." He said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as my father had done on the day of the reaping. There was something oddly brotherly about that action. "You want to know how I coped?" He asked. I nodded. "I threw myself in to training. I pushed myself to the limits, not to the point where I hurt myself mind, but so that's all that fills your mind. Ok?" I took a deep breath, calming down as his words cleared the cloud paralysing terror that filled my head.

"_Thank you._" I whispered, squeezing his hand to try and make him understand how very, very grateful I was for his words. I gave a watery smile. "You're made for this mentor stuff." He chuckled and stood up.

"Knock 'em dead Kai." He said, returning to his breakfast as Adrian and Mags joined us at the table. I'd just finished my second bowl when Oregon clattered in, in shoes with even higher heels than the ones she wore in the reaping. How on earth did she walk in them?

"Did you both sleep divinely?" She asked as she helped herself to a strawberry covered in chocolate. "The mattresses are filled with goose feathers you know." Adrian and I reacted with appropriate surprise and enthusiasm, though I don't think either of us cared.

"Oh! Is that the time?" Oregon exclaimed shrilly. "We must be off! Come along you two." She ushered us out of the room and onto the elevator outside the door of our suite. Mags and Finnick called their good lucks, giving a few words of advice. Once on the elevator, I noted how pale Adrian was looking and Finnick's words came drifting back to me. I gave him a reassuring smile, and he took a deep breath and nodded back, with a smile.

"Oregon?" I said, my earlier thoughts resurfacing. "Will there be anyone watching us? Like cameras or gamemakers or sponsors?" I was confident she wouldn't get the true meaning of the question.

"Why yes of course!" She said, making my heart sink, then jump to my throat and start hammering. Jeez, I thought to it angrily, make up your mind. "The game makers assess you throughout your training sessions, and then in the final one when you'll perform privately. It all counts towards your score." Oh.

The door opened, but Oregon stayed still. "Well off you two go! I can't come any further, but I'll be back in our suite once training is over at the end of the day. Have fun!" Sure we will Oregon. Adrian rolled his eyes to me as we stepped out into a huge room. I gasped. Lined up against one wall were an endless array of deadly looking weapons, from swords to axes, bow and arrows to spears. There were also different areas with very real looking environments, for fire starting and camouflage I guessed, and different stations with ropes and plants and weights. I quickly masked my emotions, remembering Finnick's advice to cover my true feelings up; nothing was going to shock me today. Most of the other tributes were already assembled around a large woman with heavily muscled arms, she told us her name was Atla. She gave a short welcoming speech, laying down the rules and giving advice. When she mentioned we weren't to fight with other tributes, but to use the trainers available, she stared particularly hard at the careers, and me. I couldn't help but move my head back in annoyance. Why did everyone seem to slot me in with that lot? I wasn't a career! I didn't even volunteer. She raised an eyebrow pointedly at my reaction. Great, now she thinks I'm cocky. Everyone moved quickly to different stations while I stood there mentally kicking myself, that really didn't help prove I'm not a career. I noticed voices coming from above, my eyes flicking to the source of the noise. There was a balcony overlooking the training room, and on it were several men and women dressed in a similar style of clothing; the gamemakers. Stood at the forefront of them all was him. Against my own will, my eyes found his, and sure enough he was looking. There was a smile on his face though, not a smirk like when he saw me in the costume, but a genuine amused smile. I realised he must have seen my indignant reaction, and the self-annoyance that followed immediately after. Well, at least someone didn't automatically assume I was a career. I held his gaze for a moment longer, noting how he'd somehow become even more handsome since yesterday, perhaps it was his smile, happiness suited him. I tore my eyes away, trying to focus on the training I should be doing and looked to the ground. I wasn't paying attention and walked into a small tribute from 10 sending him flying, cursing myself I went to help him up, but Atla got there first and shot me a look, reminding me what she'd just said. Really? I felt so frustrated; I walked to the nearest spear and hurled it with all my strength at a nearby target. I was both pleased and shocked by the accuracy and distance I threw it. I looked around smugly, but because the odds don't generally decide to be in my favour, no one was watching, or so I thought.

I spent the morning working on building up my arm strength by throwing some weights about, until I got bored and decided to check out the plant station, pleasing the man standing there with my knowledge. At lunch I grabbed a tray, carefully avoiding the smaller tributes, not wanting to give that woman another reason to hate me. I walked over to the long table and saw Adrian sitting with the careers, talking rowdily with them. My heart sunk slightly. He'd made up his mind then. I shouldn't have been so disappointed, he was a career too after all, but maybe I'd thought he was kinder than that. I sighed quietly and made to go and sit on my own before a voice from the career table called out;

"Hey 4! 4!" I spun round as the large boy from District 1 stood up. "How does it feel, knowing you're going to follow your sister's footsteps?" He called at me with such a sadistic grin I felt my stomach turn. "You know that was the year my brother one. He was one of the ones that killed her." I felt the colour drain from my face, and my hands began to shake. I put the tray down quickly so no one would notice. "I look forward to having the same pleasure with you." He stepped forward, threateningly. "Will you cry too? Like she did? My brother said she was calling for you when she died, you and your dead mother." The careers all laughed loudly, but silence had fallen in the rest of the room, even noise from the balcony had stopped. Roaring filled my ears and I began to see red. I balled my hands up and took a shuddering breath; something told me my reaction could make me or break me in the eyes of the gamemakers and the other tributes. What I really wanted to do was break down and sob, my throat was burning and grief for my sisters horrid end crashed down on me. My poor innocent sister, only a little girl, I didn't realise she'd called for us, perhaps I'd looked away, unable to watch. It had always been blurred in my memory.

I felt every eye in the room on me as I planted my feet firmly on the ground and looked this monster in the eye. "Actually, I plan to avenge her in the best way I can." I said, grateful my voice didn't shake. I stepped forward too, making my face as threatening as I could. "Know this, 1." I said, imitating the way he'd dehumanised me by calling me 4. My voice was dangerously. "That whenever your back is turned in the arena, I will be watching. Whenever you close your eyes, I will be near. And if ever you let your guard down, I will kill you before you have time to scream." I turned my fiery stare onto the others. "That goes for you as well." With that I turned tail and stalked to the other side of the room and picked up the same spear as earlier and threw it at the target. There it sat embedded dead in the centre. I returned to my tray in the silence that still echoed in the room and began to eat. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Atla smile at me and nodded approvingly, and I knew she was on my side now. Gradually noise returned to the room, though much more subdued than before, and I noted the careers trying to regain their air of superiority, a feat made much more difficult by the fact they couldn't stop flickering their eyes to the spear sticking out of the target. I was glad no one had moved it, because it made me seem scarier than I was.

I must admit that it was complete fluke that I hit the bull's-eye, just an incredibly well timed fluke. Perhaps after all the hardship I've been through, some greater power thought they'd smile on me for once. I tried to resist smiling, no one had expected me to do that, not even me, and if I do say so myself, it was pretty darn impressive. After lunch we returned to training, I noticed the gamemakers had left, but the fact they'd seen my stand-off with the boy from one made me feel better, that would surely help my score? The other tributes looked at me with new-found admiration, envy and fear. Not the careers mind you. They didn't look at me at all. I noticed Adrian no longer stood with them. This time a small smile touched my lips.

Once training came to a close, we were instructed to return to our suites. I made my way to an elevator when Atla called me over. Adrian paused too but I told him to go ahead.

"What you did today was very impressive." She said. "Careers rarely keep their heads like that when provoked so much."

"I'm not a career." I said firmly. "I didn't volunteer, I've never trained."

"I can see that now. Though you seem pretty skilled anyway." She replied. "I'm not supposed to give advice but I will anyway, because I see something in you that I only see very few tributes, and most of those go on to be victors." She stepped closer and lowered her voice. "Not just the careers can form alliances, and if you pick carefully you can have eyes in the back of your head, and you're going to need that, because you've made some powerful enemies today."

"They were already enemies." I commented drily.

"You know what I mean." She said with a small smile. "And don't show them anymore of your particular talents in training."

"I don't have any." I laughed. "But thank you. Seriously." She nodded and signalled I should leave. I walked away thinking about what she'd said. Maybe it was a good idea. I hadn't even considered the prospect of forming an alliance because I didn't like the potential need to kill someone you'd come to trust and like. Perhaps I could choose one of the smaller tributes. The careers wouldn't even notice their body missing at the cornucopia because they probably wouldn't even remember them. I was still thinking about the prospect when the elevator door opened. It can't have reached my floor yet I thought, glancing at the numbers. I looked up again, and found myself face to face with the head gamemaker himself.


	7. You're a Drug

I dropped my gaze, quickly stepping back. I knew he was watching me, I could feel his eyes on my face. I couldn't breathe with him so close, his being overwhelmed my senses and suddenly I was lost, I wasn't myself, the thoughts in my head weren't coherent. I raised my head slowly, unable to keep myself from those intoxicating eyes. Time slowed down as my eyes met his. I didn't understand these feelings, nothing like this had happened to me before. He took one step towards me, keeping his gaze fixed on me.

"You are somewhat of an enigma to me Miss Tate." He said in a voice that sent shivers down my spine. I hadn't even thought about his voice I had been so haunted by his eyes, but it made me yearn, need to hear it again. He lifted his hand and gently, oh so gently, and traced his thumb down my cheek. His touch sent electric coursing through me. I wanted to speak, but I knew no words would come. "I do not know why I find myself drawn to you. A mere 17 year old, not even from the Capitol." Somewhere through the haze of longing that was suffocating me, a spark of anger made its way forward.

"Being from a district makes me a better person than anyone from the Capitol." I said heatedly, regretting the words that came from my mouth immediately. Instantly, I was afraid I'd angered him, but to my surprise he laughed and stroked my cheek again. The haze returned immediately at his touch, and I was under his power again. _Touch me again!_ The voices in my head begged. He took another step forward and I found my back pressed against the cold wall of the elevator. I took a shaky breath. I was frightened, of him and of the fact I felt so very vulnerable.

"Perhaps it's that spark I can see so clearly burning in your eyes that defies anyone to underestimate you." He mused out loud. He was about half a head taller than me, and his face was so close to mine, looking down on me. I could taste his breath on my tongue. I closed my eyes, relishing his taste and his scent. "I'm not sure what it is yet." He admitted, again more to himself than me. "But I intend to find out. I am not unaccustomed to the feelings of desire, but this, this is something else." My eyes flicked open as his lips skimmed across my neck, and I couldn't stop the gasp that came from my mouth. The skin his mouth had touched positively burned. "You have haunted my every thought since I first saw you, and it's most… inconvenient." His voice had become a husky whisper. "It's like you're a drug that's got into my system and won't leave." Then I did something that I'd never have done in any other situation, but I was positively drunk on his presence. I placed one hand on his cheek, moving it slowly round until it rested on the back of his neck, my fingers intertwined in his hair, the other I placed on his back, and I removed any distance left between us by pulling him to me. The feeling of his body pressed against mine made my breath and heart speed up even more. At this moment there was nobody, nothing else in the world except him. I was pleased to see the feeling of desire and need reflected in his eyes too. His face became serious suddenly. He whispered my name once before bringing his lips to mine.

Our worlds collided and his hands curled around my waist, and I could sense urgency in his kiss. I can't honestly tell you how long it went on for. Time had become long since warped. All I do know is that I felt things I hadn't felt before and that I have never been kissed with so much passion in my life, nor returned it so readily and so completely. As I lost myself in this kiss, I knew I needed him more than anything, he was vital to my survival. When we finally broke apart, his breathing was as rapid as mine and he stared at me with wide, slightly manic eyes.

"I don't know." He murmured in a frustrated voice. "I don't know what it is. I don't know why." He leaned forward again, in a much more cautious and controlled way and kissed me once more, just briefly. Then suddenly he pressed a button and the doors slid open and with a final glance at me, he swept out of the elevator, leaving me in a state of shock. I slid to the floor as the doors closed again, trying to find myself again, to regain at least an ounce of sanity and to get a grip. I realised as the elevator began to rise that he must have pressed the emergency stop button when he got in. He must have been watching, waiting for me. This new thought made my knees weak again and I struggled to get up as I reached our level.

As I somehow made it to the suite, I realised something. I didn't even know his name.


	8. I give you Seneca Crane!

**AN: I'm going back to school tomorrow so these updates might slow down a bit. I'll write when I can, but I've got exams looming.  
Saying that, I'd rather be writing than revising so I'll probably end up doing more on this story than I should. :) **

The table fell silent as I walked into the dining room. "Don't let me interrupt!" I said in a falsely cheery voice, though I knew what they'd just been discussing, and they knew I knew. I for one was not in the mood to relive my earlier confrontation with the boy from 1. I sat down and began filling my plate, despite the fact I wasn't at all hungry. I was still reeling from my encounter with my nameless head gamemaker, but I wanted them to think I was ok. After several attempts to restart the conversation, even Oregon could see it would be useless, and she lapsed back into silence. I forced myself to eat, trying not to feel too annoyed at everyone so obviously looking at me in concern.

"Why were you back so late?" Asked Mags quietly.

"Oh, Atla wanted a word with me." I responded nonchalantly. "That's all." I poured myself a drink of water and the cool liquid actually really helped calm me down, because behind the wall I'd so determinedly put up on the train, I was a mess.

"About what?" Adrian said leaning forward. I put the glass down and sighed, it seemed there was no escaping this route of conversation.

"I think you can probably guess." I looked into every one of the worried faces sat around the table. "She just wanted to make sure I was alright and to let me know she liked the way I handled myself." I left out the advice she gave me. And obviously everything that went on in the elevator.

"And are you ok?" Mags asked in a very maternal way, brushing my hair behind my neck. Whenever she does something like that, I almost fall to shreds. I'm sure my mum used to do things like that too, and what hurts the most is that I can't remember any moments between us when she did. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Well I think you couldn't have handled yourself better." Said Finnick with a wide grin. "Nice one Kai. You certainly showed those careers." Misha and Kristie nodded in agreement, murmuring their consent. "Did the gamemakers see you throw the spear?" He asked.

"Yeah they did." Adrian spoke up. "Everyone did." Finnick laughed and leaned across the table to pat me hard on the back. "You know, I did wonder why you looked familiar." He said. "You look a lot like your sister." Well that was a punch in the guts. I felt guilt begin to creep up inside me. I'd been so caught up with what had happened in the elevator, I hadn't taken a moment to process what that stupid career had said about my sister. Had she really called for me when she was murdered? Were her last thoughts on this earth about me and mum? Oh god, she must have been so terrified. I stood up abruptly.

"I'm not really hungry, I think I'm just going to get an early night." I said quickly and rushed from the table to my room before anyone tried to stop me. I just about made it through the door before the tears came. I sunk to the floor and let myself drown in grief. I wanted to hold my poor dead sister in my arms so badly at that moment that my heart ached. I wanted to rock her slowly and tell her through my tears that it would be ok. I wanted to take the pain she must have been in when she died away.

"I'm so sorry." I choked out, holding her bracelet to my cheek and closing my eyes, trying to picture her as the carefree happy girl I'd loved so very dearly. "I'm sorry that that had to happen to you. I wish it hadn't." Tears leaked through my closed eyes and slid down my face. "I'm not always strong you know. Even though dad says I am. You were always the strong one. I need you. Can you hear me?" I asked the empty room through sobs that racked through my body. I wanted to turn back the hands of time so desperately, I wanted to be young again and run with her on the beaches while my mother and father looked on with happy smiles.

"Kai." I started at the voice; I hadn't heard the door open. Adrian knelt beside me and pulled me into a sitting position. I tried to get a grip and stop the steady stream of tears falling down my face. He went to the bathroom and returned with some tissues. "I want you to know, I'm not going to even consider an alliance with the careers. Not after today. I didn't even realise you were related to that poor girl. God, it's so twisted that you got picked as well."

"Well the odds were just not in my favour." I sniffled pathetically as I finally succeeded in drying my face.

"Don't." He said. "Don't try and act strong. You have a right to be upset, no one is going to think you're weak because no one is around to see."

"You are." I pointed out.

"Yeah but that's different." He stood, and held his hand out for me.

"It's not." I said as he helped me up. "You're a tribute too, and there's only one winner."

"It is different." He insisted. "I'm not going to be trying to kill you in there."

"What?" Was all I could come up with, raising my eyebrows in a mixture of disbelief and shock.

"There are plenty of others you need to be worrying about, and plenty of others for me to kill." He half smiled at the thought, and then became serious again, looking directly at me. "And I refuse to damage your family further. I won't kill you Kai. I'm not saying I don't want to win, but if you die, it won't be at my hands."

"You only need to worry about damaging my father." I said, and then hugged him tight. "Thank you." I whispered. He pulled back and regarded me for a minute.

"What do you mean? Only your father?" He frowned.

"My mother died when I was young." I said, looking down. Adrian looked like he'd just been hit in the face or something.

"Are you joking?" He said incredulously. I looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "No, sorry. You wouldn't joke about that." He continued, shaking his head. "Heavens, Kai. I don't even know what to say. Damn."

"Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to say anything." I reassured him with awkward pat on his arm.

Moments later, Misha was knocking on the door, calling us into the TV room. I wiped my face again quickly and straightened my ruffled clothes. Adrian assured me no one would be able to tell I'd been crying. I doubted it, seeing as I'd just cried enough to fill the oceans several times over, but I followed him out the room nonetheless.

Everyone was sat on the plush sofas around the massive TV, passing drinks around. "They're doing an interview thing with some of the gamemakers." Explained Finnick as I sat between him and Misha. "About all the tributes and how they're shaping up. It's mainly for the potential sponsors."

"Are they allowed to do that?" I questioned. "Isn't it all top-secret, what happens in trainging?"

"No, no." Oregon said, leaning forward and plucking a chocolate covered strawberry from a crystal bowl sat on one of the side tables. "Well yes, but they're allowed to talk about all the tributes in general, and what to expect from the arena and things. Oh turn the sound up! It's starting"

The loud opening music began and Caesar Flickerman bounced on to the stage. I remember the year of my sister's games, his hair, eyebrows and suit had been bright red, but this year he was as yellow as the sun. It hurt a little bit to look at him.

"What on earth were his stylists thinking?" Misha muttered.

"I know!" Kristie agreed with a moan. "That colour just washes him out completely."

Oregon shushed them as he began talking. He must be the most charismatic man alive, I thought as he warmed up the audience, telling a few anecdotes and reacting to shouts from the crowds in over dramatic ways.

"He doesn't half lay it on thick." Said Adrian, wrinkling his nose with disdain, causing Oregon to gasp.

"He is the most talented man in the Capitol!" She reprimanded shrilly. "He's funny and rich and attractive." She said breathlessly, as if those were the most important traits anyone could have.

"Aw, has someone got a little crush?" Finnick teased, earning himself a glare that could probably kill. There were literally flames coming out of her eyes. I stifled a laugh, not wanting to provoke her more.

"Shall we bring out our first guest?" Caesar was asking the crowd. "I can't hear you. I said, shall we bring out our first guest?" The answering roar from the audience blared through our speakers, deafening us all slightly. Mags hastily grabbed the remote and turned the sound down to a more bearable volume. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my absolute pleasure to invite a man who has brought us some of the best games I have ever seen, onto the stage. I give you Seneca Crane!" My breath caught in my throat. Him. He walked confidently towards Caesar, grasping his hand and turning to wave at the audience who screamed his name. He smiled broadly, his blue eyes positively glistening in the lights that illuminated the stage. Seneca Crane. I repeated his name in my head, smiling slightly. It suited him perfectly. I imagined myself whispering it in his ear as he kissed my neck, even the thought made my heart rate increase. I caught myself quickly as I saw Misha grinning at me pointedly. I turned my attention back to the screen.

"So, Seneca." Caesar asked as the audience finally quietened down. "How are our tributes shaping up?"

"Well Caesar, I'll just say that you can expect some of the most vicious games ever." He grinned at the audience, earning another roar of approval from the gathered citizens.

"Why do you say that?" Caesar asked leaning forward.

"When you have so many… Fiery characters thrown together, fires are going get started and tributes are going to get burned." More screams. Caesar beamed excitedly.

"And will the arena reflect that?" He pressed.

"I can't go into too much detail, as you know, but I think this particular arena couldn't be more suited to a set of tributes as these ones." He nodded. "Yes, I think these games are going to be explosive." Caesar thanked him for giving up his time for the interview and thunderous applause followed him as he left the stage. He was obviously a very popular figure in the Capitol; you could tell by the way the audience went mad for him. I couldn't help but feel an irrational pang of jealousy as I saw the women screaming after him hysterically.

I didn't pay much attention to the rest of the interviews, my mind on him. Seneca. I realised I was hooked on this man. He wouldn't leave my thoughts. I yearned to be near him again, to taste his breath on my lips, to look into his eyes. I let myself daydream about what might happen if I won. I'd have a high enough status then. I imagined him taking me in his arms and kissing me passionately when I emerged as the Victor. I imagined walking through the Capitol's streets arm in arm with him, drawing jealous looks from the other women. No. I couldn't think like that. It was ridiculous to imagine coming out of the arena in anything except a wooden coffin. No point in even hoping there was a future here for me. With him. Honestly, I didn't even know him.

When the interviews finished, everyone stood, and saying our goodnights we went into our rooms. I stood for ages in the shower, as I had made it my aim to press every single button before I had to leave for the arena. I emerged smelling of roses and honey, and feeling the cleanest I had ever felt. I pulled on a fluffy robe and sunk into my bed, remembering what Oregon had said about the mattresses being stuffed with goose feathers. It honestly felt an age since this morning. It had been a long day. I whispered his name out loud into the dark room, and touched my lips and the place he had kissed on my neck. I fell asleep with his name on my lips, his face in my thoughts, and vaguely wondered if he was thinking of me.


	9. Private Sessions

The sound of Oregon pounding on my door jolted me from my pleasant slumber, she was practically screaming through the door. I glanced sleepily at a clock on my dresser. 9:05! I was supposed to have been at training 5 minutes ago! I shot upwards, awake instantly. In my attempt to be quick, I pulled my training clothes on backwards, and wasted another minute righting myself. I didn't even glance in the mirror as I pulled the door open and Oregon tumbled in and landed on top of me. We quickly untangled ourselves whilst she muttered profanities under her breath.

"That language is very unbecoming of a lady." Came Finnick's voice from the other room, I snickered.

"Being late is very unbecoming of a lady!" She snapped back, adjusting her now lopsided wig. "Quickly, girl! Move yourself!" She turned on me, practically shoving me into the elevator. The doors slid close to the sound of Finnick laughing loudly. Being in a lift with an angry Oregon is not on the list of things I want to experience in my life. In fact, it's probably in the top 10 of the things that I'd rather not. She spent the ride downwards telling me how _never in her life had she had such a tardy tribute. How on earth did I expect to win, or even survive, if I couldn't keep the time properly? It may be acceptable back in district 4, but certainly not in the Capitol. _I sighed, letting her shrill voice fade to an angry buzz in my ear. I have to admit I was a bit peeved Adrian didn't wake me, and that he went down without me. When the doors slid open she pushed me out.

"You can make your own excuses." She said frostily, clipping a stray curl that had become loose in her tirade back into place. "I'll see you later."

I couldn't help but gulp as I walked slowly into the room, trying not to draw attention to myself, but to no avail. The careers just so happened to be at the nearest station to my entrance, and they all turned to sneer at me as I walked past, and Adrian started to laugh. I strolled right up to him with the intention of slapping his stupid grin off his face when Atla stepped before me, obviously pre-empting my next move.

"No fighting with other tributes." She said, though this time I could hear a smile in her voice. I nodded moodily and settled with shooting a glare Oregon would have been proud of at him before moving to an empty work station. The morning past very quickly, I learned what types of wood to avoid when building fires, and how to light one with two flints. But to my disappointment, there were no gamemakers present on the balcony. Well I should probably be grateful they weren't there to witness my late entrance, but I wanted to see him. Seneca. I couldn't keep a stupid smile from forming on my face when I thought of his name. Honestly, I was becoming pathetic. At lunch I found an empty spot on the table as far away from the careers as possible, though that wasn't easy because everyone else obviously had the same idea. I was surprised however, when Adrian came to sit near me. He gave me an apologetic look, and I decided to forgive him, he had been hugely kind last night. We didn't speak or anything, but I liked having him near, I didn't feel so outnumbered.

I thought I'd check out the camouflage station after lunch, and was becoming thoroughly engrossed in my hopeless attempts to make my arm look like foliage when the tributes from sidled up to the station and started experimenting with the paints too. They jumped every time one of the careers made a noise and were constantly on edge, even with me. I imagined them as little mice venturing out of their safe holes with a cat on the loose. The boy flicked paint at me by accident while he cleaned his brush and they froze, looking at me with absolute terror. So I just flicked paint back at him and stuck my tongue out, making the girl giggle and the boy relaxed with obvious relief. The girl even got brave enough to talk to me. I learned her name was Eva, and the boy was Tommy and they were both 12. How were there no volunteers? I wondered, two 12 year olds, they had no chance! Tommy and I attempted to paint Eva into a tree trunk. It sort of worked, if you stood back… and squinted. Ah well, the careers always dominated the fighting stations, so I might as well try my hand at everything else.

The day came to a close and all of the tributes made to leave. I glanced up at the balcony one last time, annoyed no one had come to watch. But someone had. Unnoticed by me, Seneca stood alone on the balcony_. __"You are somewhat of an enigma to me Miss Tate."_ His voice sounded in my head as the same frustrated look as yesterday was in his beautiful eyes, running his hand over his beard. I wanted to stand there before him and drown myself in his gaze again, but other people were watching so I forced myself to turn my back and join Adrian in the elevator. His eyes never left me as the doors slid closed.

As the lift went upwards, the image of Seneca's hand grazing against his stubble was at the forefront of my mind, and I felt my face go warm. I wanted to feel his arms around me again.

"We've got two days left." Adrian said quietly, pulling me out of my happy reverie. His face had gone pale. "Just two days."

I tried to think of something comforting to say. It was my turn to be the strong one. But in truth, I'm not at all strong, not like him, and I felt desperation begin to claw up inside me, threatening to drown me in all consuming panic at the thought of what lay ahead of me. No words came, so instead I held his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze, hoping that he wouldn't notice I was shaking too.

"Thank you." He said with sincerity, and I could hear the undertones of fear in his voice. He dropped my hand as we reached our floor.

"Hey wait." I said just as he reached out to open the door. "Why did you leave without me this morning?" His face reddened ever so slightly and he looked exceedingly sheepish.

"Last night I kept dreaming about freezing to death. I know that sounds like the pettiest thing to be frightened of, but it's the only thing that I can't do really, and I just felt like it was a premonition or something." He admitted. "I thought all the other careers would laugh if they saw me at the fire bases, so I left early to learn before anyone else arrived…" He trailed off pathetically.

"No one would have cared." I giggled, shaking my head. "Besides, I've seen plenty of tributes freeze. Remember that year there was no wood?"

"That's what I kept thinking about." He said. "There's no honour in dying like that."

At times I forgot he was a career too. Well in my eyes he wasn't because he didn't look at everyone else like they were a meal. But he had trained his whole life for these games. I nodded like I agreed with him, though to me, there was no honourable way of dying. Except maybe in defiance to the Capitol, but no one would do that. We walked into the suite to find only Mags sat at the dinner table.

"Misha and Kristie are busy with your interview costumes, Finnick's visiting someone and Oregon apparently had a schedule to organise." Mags explained as we sat down. We'd barely started eating when the topic of conversation turned to the thing I'd most been dreading. The private sessions.

"So, now is the time to show them your talents. Sure they've been watching you, but now's the chance to really impress them." Mags said seriously, looking at us both. "Now, Adrian, my advice would be to do something with your sword skills, Finnick will be too fresh in their minds to attempt using the trident. No offence, but he surpasses everyone, and I don't want your score jeopardised with them comparing you." Adrian nodded, and grinned. I could tell he couldn't wait. I for one, most definitely could.

"And Kai, I think you should definitely use your accuracy with the spear. I was thinking you should use the moving targets to really push yourself, and show them how good you are." She said to me.

"I think you overestimate me." I stated, pushing my food around the plate.

"I think you underestimate yourself." Mags replied. "I don't know why you do it, but you're always putting yourself down. I can almost see you internally criticizing yourself at every turn. You are a talented young lady who needs to believe in herself." Adrian nodded in agreement.

"Ok." I sighed. "I'll try to my best to wow the gamemakers with my unbelievable spear throwing abilities."

"Good." Mags said, satisfied. "And I'm confident that neither of you will have any problems with the interviews."

Dinner was a much quieter affair without the vivacity of our stylists and Oregon. It made me feel the most at home I've been since arriving at the Capitol. We spoke of district 4, and then Mags told us about her games in detail, giving us survival advice and fighting techniques. I went to bed with her words ringing in my ears, trying to absorb every snippet of information I could, knowing some of it would save my life.

Fortunately, a nightmare in which I was trapped on the gamemakers balcony whilst my sister was brutally murdered by the careers below me, woke me up well before nine, so I didn't have to worry about being late. Oregon would be pleased. I had a shower to calm myself down, and came out smelling like the ocean, which comforted me to no end. I got changed slowly, mentally preparing myself for my private session. I tied my hair back to keep it from my face, and slowly made my way to the dining room. To my displeasure, only Oregon was present at the breakfast table. Well this was going to be awkward. She didn't even look up as I sat opposite her. Jeez, was she really angry? I was the one who was late, not her.

"Look, Oregon, I am really sorry." I said, in a quiet, remorseful voice. "I know I let you down, and I will never do it again… Sorry." Of course, I wasn't at all sorry, but a happy Oregon is better than an angry one. She looked at me and sighed.

"Thank you for apologising. It's very ladylike, and shows that even people who aren't from the Capitol can have good manners!" And suddenly, the old Oregon was back, and spent the rest of breakfast harping on to me about the horrendous hand bag she was sent by an admirer, whom she immediately crossed off her contact book. It was nice to have someone talk to me about something other than the games, so I listened more closely than I normally would have done, reacting in appropriate place. By the time Adrian arrived, I knew I was back in her good books. I couldn't stomach much breakfast, as nerves were beginning to kick in.

Too soon, it was time for us to go down and wait. Mags and Finnick wished us luck as we left the suite. I was glad to be from District 4, I couldn't imagine how bad the wait would be for the tributes from 11 and 12. The careers from 1 and 2 each walked in with wide grins and confident gaits, whereas the tributes from 3 looked deathly pale, and trailed through the door with shaking hands. Adrian's name was called and I wished him luck. He looked more excited than nervous. I bet he got a high score. Minutes ticked past, and no one spoke. I felt a ill but tried to look like I wasn't worried. Then my name was called. I rose slowly from my seat and walked towards the entrance of the training room, swallowing. My footsteps echoed throughout the vast room, abnormally loud. I set my jaw to stop my teeth chattering from the nerves. I stopped when I reached the centre and looked to the balcony. All the gamemakers where there, either peering at me curiously or talking raucously with one another. I only had eyes for him though. He was stood in the same place as yesterday, looking at me intently.

"Kai Tate, District 4." I said, gaining the attention of the few who had been talking as well. Seneca gave me a small nod. I couldn't help noticing how regal he looked in comparison the other gamemakers. Just the way he held himself gave off the impression of power.

I walked straight towards the spears, keeping my back straight and my head high, very aware of everyone watching. Especially him. I wanted to impress him so badly. I stood in the middle of the targets and emptied everything from my mind except that thirst to avenge my sister that had begun burning inside of me since my stand-off with the boy from 1. I channelled the anger inside of me to my strength and sent spear hurling at the first dummy that lit up, grabbed another and sent into the second. Time went strangely slowly as I spun and threw and grabbed, my mind perfectly clear. My breathing had become laboured by the time I finished, and I stood for a minute, surveying the targets. I had done fairly well, all the dummies had been hit, the majority of my spears hitting a target on them, two even stuck in bulls-eyes. Not bad.

"Thank you." Seneca's voice reached me. "You may leave." He wasn't looking at me, but at the space just above my head. Other gamemakers were nodding in an impressed way. Perhaps I'd have scrapped a decent score. I wished he'd look at me, but his eyes were fixed anywhere but me. I walked onto the elevator and as the doors slid close, I suddenly realised that that might have been the last time I ever see him. I felt panic rise up inside me and the walls began to close in on me. I wanted to scream for him, I needed him. I wanted him to hold me again, but this time to tell me it would be ok, everything would be alright. To stroke my hair and chase away my crippling fear. And the worst thing was I knew it would never happen. What had I let myself do? I'd become obsessed with him, I'd begun to fall for a man I barely knew. Every second, a part of me was reaching out to him. I'd been foolish. I was going to face enough in the arena without the added pain of being without him, being far away from him. I slammed my hand on the emergency stop button, as he had, just before the lift reached my floor. I stood with my hands on the wall gasping for air. Pull yourself together, I thought, building my wall even higher than before, trapping the emotions inside. Gradually I calmed down, well I gained enough control to hide the panic.

I arranged my face carefully as I entered the living room where everyone was gathered, talking to Adrian. They looked up as I entered.

"How did you do?" Asked Misha excitedly, his eyes gleaming.

"Alright I think. I hit most of the targets." I told them as I sunk into the sofa beside Adrian. "What about you?"

"I impressed them with my strength and agility with the sword." He said with a cocky grin. Finnick leaned forward and ruffled his hair, wiping the smirk of his face. I started laughing, until Finnick then proceeded to patting me hard on the back. Too hard. We both glowered at him, making everyone else laugh.

"I'm glad you did well." Mags said. "We'll find out your scores tonight."

"Interviews tomorrow!" Sung Oregon happily. Misha and Kristie beamed excitedly.

"You just wait until you see your dress." Misha said. "I have outdone myself!"

"I'm sure you have." I said smiling fondly at him. He was definitely my favourite Capitol citizen. Well with the exception of Seneca. But that was completely different.

We asked to have the food brought through to the living room for dinner, and we sat around picking at the dishes, exchanging stories. Finnick brought tears of mirth to our eyes several times as he recounted experiences he'd had from working on the fishing boats back home as a boy. The atmosphere was so relaxed and happy, I almost felt I really belonged here. We'd just finished an amazing chocolate Gateau when the score readings began. Silence quickly fell and everyone leaned forward expectantly.

Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith began the listing the tributes and their districts, then began reading the scores. The boy from 1, whose name was Tempest, scored a 10. I gulped, immediately regretting what I'd said to him. The girl, Echo, scored an 8. Honestly, why on earth did District 1 call their children such weird names. Both the careers from 2, Arcas and Bellona both received 9's. The tributes from 3 scored lower, a 4 and a 5. Adrian tensed as they read out his name. He needn't have worried. He got a 10. The room exploded with applause and he positively beamed. Oregon hushed everyone so they didn't miss my score. An 8. Now that was higher than I was expecting. I let out an audible sigh of relief and hugged Adrian, congratulating him. Mags ordered more drinks for everyone and they toasted the both of us, raving about our brilliant scores. I silently thanked Seneca for the score, wishing again that I could see his face one more time. We stayed up for at least another hour, celebrating our success with more food and drink. By the time I made it to bed I had eaten so much chocolate I thought I would explode. Oh well, you only live once. How fitting that saying seemed to me now.

I dreamt of Seneca again that night. It was a strange dream in which he stood in front of me close enough to tough, but an invisible force kept me back. No matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't reach him. I awoke in a cold sweat. As I lay in the darkness, waiting for the day to break, I realised tomorrow morning would be the last morning I would wake up in safety.


	10. I intend to win

There was a knock at the door and to my surprise, Mags opened the door to my bedroom and carried a tray full of food into my room. I glanced at the clock. It was 8:30.

"Morning." She said brightly, setting the tray by my bed and sitting near my feet. "I thought we'd begin our days training early, and in the comfort of your own room."

I sat up, reaching for the glass of orange juice on the tray.

"What about Adrian?" I asked her.

"He's with Finnick and Oregon at the moment. You'll swap over at midday." She explained, nicking a bit of toast from the plate she'd brought me. "How are you feeling?"

"As well as can be expected I guess." I said honestly. "At least I'll go into the arena with a far fuller stomach than I've ever had before."

"That can make things difficult." Mags said through her mouthful of toast. "I'd avoid any fruit or berries you find unless you know for definite they are edible, no matter how hungry you are. And obviously ration any food you get or hunt carefully." I nodded at her words, wondering how I'd manage to catch anything. My snares weren't great.

"Kai, I know it will be hard, but I think you should use your sister as a way of getting sponsors." Mags said carefully. I almost spat my drink out.

"No!" I almost yelled. "No! I won't do that to her memory. I won't use her death."

"Kai, stay calm." Mags soothed, placing her hand on my arm. "She'd want you to do everything you can to get sponsors. Trust me. You're planning on avenging her anyway I imagine, so play off that, let everyone know you are going to win for her." I set my jaw, and said nothing in response.

"She spoke to me about you, you know." Mags said quietly. "She worried about what would happen when she died. She didn't know if your father could look after you on your own. She was worried you wouldn't have a happy childhood… She loved you dearly."

I looked away, examining a painting on the wall closely, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"The Capitol loves a good sob story, and you'll be sending a warning to the other tributes." I knew I couldn't argue with her logic. It would be a good angle to take.

"I don't know if I can talk about her without crying though." I said softly.

"That will make it even better." Mags leaned in to hug me. "I'm sorry, I know it's hard. But you have to do what you can. It will improve your odds."

"I know."

For the rest of my time with her, we talked about what I should do in the games. We decided I wouldn't jump into the thicket of fighting at the Cornucopia. I'd go about half way in to get what I could, then leave quickly and find water. If there was a spear, I should try and get it, but I wouldn't take too many risks. I should stay near water, as long as I could make a quick escape and could see other tributes approach. She said I should also stay relatively near the Cornucopia, because the gamemakers rarely sent in any 'natural' dangers near to the centre of the arena.

I swapped with Adrian just after lunch, and spent 2 hours painfully learning how to walk in heels, how to walk like a killer (an elegant killer mind you,) and how to sit like a lady. Finnick also gave me some tips about how to win over the crowds. Apparently looking pretty was a huge bonus, so I was half way there already he said. I grinned at him. Misha and my prep team came and whisked me into the prep centre just before 6. Much to my relief, I was still relatively hairless, so I didn't have to go through the excruciating pain of being waxed again. While Terrence braided my hair into an intricate bun, China touched up the blue of my nails, and painted a tribal pattern of waves around my forearms. Misha circled them, occasionally asking them to change of add something. Mostly though, he talked to me, about his family and his life in the Capitol. I learned he had a wife and a baby daughter, and that he'd become a stylist against his parents' wishes; they'd hoped he'd become a gamemaker. I knew he was partly telling me all of this to keep my mind off the interviews and to keep me calm, for which I was very grateful.

Once Misha had okayed their work, he told them they could leave. They hugged me tightly, wishing me luck, and telling me they were really looking forward to the games! They left, and I felt a pang. The time had come where I kept saying final goodbyes, and I didn't even realise until too late. I wasn't looking forward to seeing Mags and Finnick for the last time, or even Oregon. I knew Misha would wait with me until I had to enter the arena.

"Let's get you dressed!" Misha said, unzipping a garment bag. "Close your eyes and hold your arms up." I did as instructed and felt him pull silky material over my head. Not a lot of it though. I felt slightly worried about the amount of skin I could feel exposed. He zipped the dress up, and applied a few more dabs of make-up to my face here and there. He lifted my feet and place shoes on them. Shoes with high heels. I could barely stand, how was I supposed to walk with them on?

"Open your eyes." He said, I could hear him grinning. I opened my eyes and looked into my reflection. I realised the gasp I heard came from my mouth. The dress was short, but so beautiful. It was light blue this time, with golden rope straps over the shoulders and around the waist. A dangerously low V shape showed a little too much skin around my chest, but I didn't say anything. I'm sure the Capitol loved this as much as a good sob story. The dress finished at the middle of my thighs, and shimmered when I moved, much like the light reflecting off the sea when the sun was very bright. They'd also done wonders with my face, dark make-up highlighted my eyes and I looked fierce.

"You were right." I said. "You've outdone yourself. You're amazing." I hugged him.

"Don't smudge your face!" He said pulling away and dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief. "Now you go and show them what you're made of, my little goddess of the sea."

"I will." I smiled, and together we walked out the door to find Adrian and Oregon.

Adrian was in a deep blue suit and he looked incredibly dapper, with his hair carefully gelled back.

"Looking good Devon." I said to him with a smirk.

"You too Tate." He returned the smile.

"Come along you too!" Oregon clattered into the elevator behind us and down we went. "We'll be waiting backstage when you've finished." She told us as the doors slid open. "Such fun!"

Adrian and I were directed by attendants into line with the rest of the tributes. We stood in silence as the opening music began and Caesar opened the show. I didn't realise he'd called us on until Adrian gave me a little shove and I quickly caught up with the tribute in front, remembering Oregon and Finnick's lessons from earlier that day. I put on my most dazzling smile as we walked onto stage and took our seats, I was glad to sit, because the shoes were very high, and the lights had momentarily blinded me. I sat as properly as I could as Caesar called Tempest onto the stage. As my eyes accustomed to the light, I saw the size of the crowd for the first time. So many people! Endless rows of seats stretched backwards, almost as far as I could make out. My hands began to go clammy. The audiences laughed and applauded in response to what the tributes were saying, Caesar had the ability to get them saying the right thing, despite the obvious nerves in the cases of the two from District 3. District 3? Wait, doesn't that mean I'm next? Then Caesar called my name.

I took a deep breath and stood, I was going to get my vengeance for my sister's death, I was fierce, I was Kai Tate. I walked confidently to the centre of the stage, smiling widely as Caesar kissed my hand.

"So, Miss Kai Tate." He said. "How are you finding the Capitol?"

"It's very colourful." I said, my voice not sounding like my own. "And the chocolate is divine."

The audience laughed.

"Indeed it is!" Caesar agreed winking at the crowd. His face turned serious and he took my hand again. "Now Kai, we all know you aren't the first Tate to take to the stage-" He'd got to that topic quickly. "How does it feel to be following your sisters' footsteps?" He asked. You could practically hear the audience lean forward in anticipation.

"I'm not following in her footsteps." I stated fiercely. "I'm here to avenge her. I will go into that arena to honour her memory." The audience liked that apparently, and screamed their approval. Caesar nodded smiling.

"How do you intend to do that?" He voiced the question in the heads of the watching crowds

"Why Caesar." I said, smiling sweetly. "I intend to win."


	11. I promise you I'll try

Sleep wasn't going to come. I knew that as soon as I said my goodnights. Adrian hugged me tightly before we separated, whispering good luck into my ear and kissing my cheek. It was hard, very hard saying good bye to the others. Oregon had tearfully said farewell, and told us she had faith that she'd have another victor this year, before rushing from the room, overcome with emotion. Finnick, serious for once, put his arms around me in his rough way, and clasped Adrian's hand. Mags had pulled both of us into a hug, and told us to do her proud. The sincerity in her eyes when she wished me luck caused me the most pain. I didn't want to leave them. At the last minute I pressed my sister's bracelet into Mags' hand, begging her to make sure my father got it if I… If I didn't make it. When the bedroom door swung shut behind me I began to panic. I took a warm shower, washing the make-up off, but none of the soaps or scents helped to calm me down. I pulled a jumper and trousers on, and curled up in a chair, breathing deeply. The walls were closing in again, I was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. By this time tomorrow, I could be dead. I could have had my throat slit. I could have been impaled by a sword. I could have been cut to pieces by a career. I needed fresh air. I needed to see the sky. I felt trapped. Suddenly I was running, out of my room, the suite, onto a staircase and upwards, praying I'd reach the roof before I was caught.

I burst through a door and relief flooded through me as cold air flooded my lungs. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine I was back home. It didn't work; the streets below were filled with people celebrating. Still, being outside made me feel slightly better, only slightly. I sunk to my knees, leaning against the wall of the outside of the staircase. I tried to focus, to find peace and clarity through the panic. I felt like a tiny bird flying in a swollen sky, slashed with thunder, lightning and rain all threatening to force me to the ground and tear me apart. I couldn't stop the tears spilling down my cheeks. I didn't want to die. _I didn't want to die. _No one could help me. Dad was miles away. Maria was miles away. I wanted home so badly I could scream. So I did. I screamed. I turned my face to the sky and yelled my pain and fear out to the faceless gods.

I stopped when my throat was sore and grasped my head in my hands, breathing heavily. I rocked forward and backwards, like my sister did to me when I was younger, when I had nightmares. But this nightmare wouldn't go awa-

"Kai." My head snapped up. Seneca stood before me. There was pain in his eyes. He was breath-takingly beautiful in this light; I thought for a minute that perhaps I was dreaming. "I know what it is. I know why I'm so drawn to you." He said. "It's because I see in you the innocence, the vulnerability I once had. You're beautiful. You're ferocious. But underneath it you are so afraid. I want to keep you safe. I need to keep you safe." He knelt down in front of me. "But I can't!" He put his hands either side of my face, wiping my tears away with his thumbs. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Seneca." I whispered his name. It sounded so right to say it to him. My breathing slowed as I looked into his blue eyes. Their beauty bathed me in hope, and I felt safe again, momentarily. He stood, pulling me up with him. His strong arms wrapped around my body. I leaned against him, breathing in his scent, remembering it. He kissed the top of my head, and lifted my chin up, moving his lips so they were on mine. I melted into his kiss, pulling myself close to him. It was a different kind of kiss to the one in the elevator. There was more certainty behind it, and it felt right. We stood together, caught up in each other, lips joined, creating a bubble in which the world was calm, and we were both blissfully safe. The partying citizens, President Snow, the careers, no one could touch us.

After a long time, I pulled away very slightly.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"For what?" He asked, one of his hands caressing my neck, my jaw line, my lips.

"For giving me this… For letting me have just a little bit of happiness, for letting me feel safe for just a moment." I moved my hands to his shoulders. "I'll be thinking of you at every moment."

"Don't." He pleaded. "Don't talk about tomorrow. I won't watch you die. You won't die. You'll come back to me."

"Let me finish." I said gently, silencing him with a soft kiss. His eyes closed as my lips met his. I leant my head against his chest. "If I do, I'll die thinking of you, and that won't be so bad… You can't help what happens. Please, please don't blame yourself."

"No." He said, taking my face in his hands again. "You can't die. You can't leave me. You _have _to win. Please Kai." There were tears in his eyes. "I need you. For the first time in my life, I feel hope. Hope that my future won't be lonely. That perhaps, I won't wake up alone for the rest of my life. Perhaps I've found someone who will stay by my side." He looked up at the sky. "I can't have that taken away from me now!"

My very being warmed at his words. I kissed him, pouring all the passion that had been burning inside of me every time I saw him, into it, cherishing the feeling of his lips moving against mine. I clung onto it for as long as I could and with more effort than I've ever made before, I broke away and moved back.

"I'll try." I promised, my voice already breaking. "I promise you I'll try." And I turned and ran. Leaving Seneca Crane standing on the roof alone.


	12. Let The Games Begin

**AN: I know I've changed the tense for the games, but its easier to write in the moment for the situation Kai is in, in the arena.**

**And regarding Eva, I didn't want to rip off THG and make her too Rue-ish but I thought at the end of the day, Kai would feel drawn to her because she is like her sister was in the arena.**

**I hope you enjoy! Please review!**

They inject a tag in to my arm. To keep track of me. To monitor my heart.

The hovercraft must have been airborne for at least 4 hours before the landing lights are flicked on.

Peacekeepers lead me into a bare, cold room.

Misha is there waiting.

I walked straight into his open arms, knees trembling.

I feel sick.

I pull on the clothes they had laid out for me. Misha has to help. My hands are shaking too much.

A dry-dirt coloured t-shirt. Trousers. Belt. Carefully fitted shoes. Good for running.

He clasps the necklace Maria gave me round my neck. My token. I held onto the pendant like it was my lifeline.

We sit. He offers me food and water. I can't eat.

30 seconds.

A glass tube.

Deep breath.

_"Keep your chin up little soldier."_

I will dad. I will.

The count down.

How will I die?

I can't die. I promised Seneca.

Seneca.

"Good luck Kai, I'll be supporting you every step of the way." Misha whispers.

The floor of the tube begins to rise.

My heart is pounding. Pounding.

Let the Hunger Games Begin.

The sunlight is blinding. I can't see anything for about 5 seconds. Then my eyes adjust, and I see the arena for the first time. My heart sunk. Scorched, bare earth stretches out on all sides. Ruins of buildings lie everywhere. Sparse trees intermingled with the skeletons of houses. A river. A river, thank God. It's wide, and more of the same landscape stretches onwards on the other side. There are dunes as well; small hills that will provide relative cover for when I flee the imminent blood bath. The cornucopia lay before me. Large and full of tantalising provisions. Only half way in, I think to myself, like Mags told me, not into the thick of all the fighting. I look to the nearest provisions. There's a full looking back only about 10 metres in from me, and a spear! It's wooden, with a twisted metal head, similar to the ones I used at home. I wonder briefly if Seneca had it put near me on purpose. Surely something as useful as that would be further in.

The 10 second countdown begins. I jerk my head up, taking in the other tributes standing around me. Adrian stands almost opposite me in the circle. He catches my eye, and nods tersely. Eva, the girl from 5 stands to my right, Tommy stands 4 to my left. Luckily the careers are all relatively close to one another, and not near me.

6,

5,

I crouch down, tensing my legs, ready to sprint to the pack and spear, and leave immediately. I'll head for the river.

4,

3,

I focus my mind, as I did in the private session.

2,

I knew Seneca would be watching. It made me feel safe.

1.

BOOM!

The cannon goes off and I'm flying straight to my pack, my spear. Someone falls in my path. I glance down. A tribute from 12 lies before me, knife impaled in his back. Keep going, I urge myself on. I grab the pack and the spear and turn as quickly as I can, pulling the pack onto my back for protection. The sound of fighting is already deafening. A blood curdling scream sends chills through my veins but I don't look up. Suddenly a boy, the boy from 7 stands before me, a bloody knife in his hands. I pause. I can see he is shaking; there is fear in his eyes. I don't think he even knew what he was doing, but he lunged at me. Without thinking, I jab my spear into his chest, sickened by the feeling of metal entering flesh. I pull it out again and he falls to the ground in a heap. I pick up his knife; it could come in handy. I pause only momentarily to watch the life leave his eyes, and guilt and regret fill me. I shake myself, I can't think like that now.

I am about to run into the maze of ruins near the river when I see Eva, frozen in horror, still on her launch pad. Her wide eyes staring at something behind me. Out of instinct, I spin round to see Tempest slit the throat of Tommy with an evil looking serrated dagger. There are no words to describe the horror of watching a 12 year old being brutally killed in such a way. I feel sick to my stomach. I hear Eva begin to scream, and Tempest turns his murderous gaze on her, a sadistic smile forming on his face. No way am I going to let her meet the same fate. I run to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her along with me before she even has time to resist. I run as fast as I can, terrified Tempest is following us. There's no time to think of Adrian. I don't stop until there is a safe distance between us and the cornucopia, but I can still hear the fighting. I drop Eva's hand and bend over, pressing the painful stitch in my side. I suddenly realise she is crying. I drop my pack and spear and put my arms around her, whispering soothing words to her.

"Hey, hey! Stop crying Eva. You're safe now. Shh." I say gently, and then kneel in front of her. "I bet it gets really lonely in here, I'd really like it if we were allies, then I'd have someone to talk to." Part of me just doesn't want to see her die a horrible death, and I hate the thought of her being alone and vulnerable.

"Really?" She asks, her lower lip trembling.

"Yes!" I smile at her. "I trust you, and I promise you can trust me. We can help each other."

She pauses momentarily then nods, beaming. "Ok then! Thank you."

We both carefully pick a spot to make a temporary camp while we look in my pack. In it are a sleeping bag, a water bottle, packets of dried fruit and meats, socks, and a camouflage net. Not bad. I remember Mags telling me to find water, and the sun was sending heat pounding down upon us. Together, Eva and I carefully, quietly, make our way in the direction of the lake. We are trying to decide on whether to build a permanent base when we hear a crack of a dried twig. We freeze. Every muscle is tense as I wrap my hand around my spear, and edge towards the noise, ready for an attack.

"Wait! I'm not going to hurt you!" Adrian says quickly as I round the corner and found myself face to face with him. He has a sword in his hands and a far larger pack than mine on his back. There is blood on his hands.

"What are you doing here?" I ask cautiously. I know he promised he wouldn't hurt me, but I didn't want to put Eva at risk.

"What do you think?" He says, raising one eyebrow and smirking. "Come on Tate, you blatantly need me as an ally."

"Oh really Devon?" I grin widely. "You sure you just don't need me to protect you?" We laugh and I lower my spear, feeling immediately far more relaxed knowing Adrian would be watching my back.

"Eva, it's ok." I call back and she tentatively comes out of hiding. Adrian shakes his head at me, rolling his eyes.

"Only you would buddy up with a 12 year old on the first day of the games." He teases.

"She needs me to protect her too." Eva giggles as she approaches us, and sticks her hand out for Adrian to shake. "Allies?"

He jokingly sighs and shakes her hand. "I suppose so Twiglet."

"My names Eva." She tells him.

"I prefer Twiglet." Adrian grins, while she scowls at him. I laugh; glad to have these two with me. I wonder if Seneca would be watching this, and wonder what he's thinking of our little trio.

"I followed the river down here." Adrian says, following us into our little base. "There's more of the same sort of landscape on the other side. It's pretty narrow, and it could provide extra protection if we swim across. I doubt some of the other tributes can swim. There's a particularly well placed ruin over there that is in an ideal position to see anyone approaching and looks pretty good at protecting from the elements." He's in career mode.

"Are sure the rivers safe?" Eva asks. "Surely the gamemakers will have put some sort of dangerous animal in there."

"I thought of that." Adrian acknowledges. "I threw a stone in and nothing happened, so I waded in a little bit. I don't think there's anything in there."

"Shouldn't we wait a day or so, for the fighting to stop and the tributes to spread out, so it's safe to cross?" I suggest, and the others agree. We decide to spend the first night here. We don't light a fire; we don't need the warmth because the sun is still beating down, and there's no food to cook. Fortunately, Adrian's pack contains even more food than mine, so we eat a small amount of salted pork and fill our water canisters. Adrian tells us about what he did at the Cornucopia. He made straight for the middle, killing a tribute from 8 in the process and managed to grab the sword. He says he fought with Arcas, the boy from 2, but didn't manage to kill him because Tempest joined the fray so Adrian had to run. Eva stays quiet for a long time, and I know she's thinking about Tommy.

"It happened very quickly." I say to her, in an attempt to comfort her. "He wouldn't have felt too much before he died." She nods but I know she can't get the image of blood pouring from his throat out of her head, because I can't either. We lapse into silence, and I replay my murder of the boy from 7. I can't believe I killed him so readily, without thinking. Was I a monster? No, I was just protecting my own life. Still, the memory of the feeling of the tip of the spear driving into his flesh made my stomach churn. I think about his family sitting in their home, mourning his death already, when the games had just begun. When night begins to fall, the anthem begins to play and the cannons signalling the death of the fallen begin. I count 10. 10 dead already. 10 children, whose bodies were strewn across the Cornucopia, maybe some of them were making their escape when the careers brought them down. That leaves 14 of us. 11 of which are out there right now, either hiding or hunting. I know 4 of them will definitely be hunting. All the careers had made it past the first day.

"Someone should keep watch." I say, imagining them creeping up on us and killing us while we slept. They both nod and Adrian agrees to take the first watch, I'll take halfway through. We don't ask Eva to take a watch, because she's younger, weaker and less experienced. Adrian has a sleeping bag in his pack as well, but the night had brought no reprise from the heat so we slept in the open. I curl up next to Eva, letting her rest her head on my arm, and I eventually drift off into an uneasy sleep, waking at the slightest noise.

When it is my turn to take watch I lean with my back against the remaining doorway and survey the surroundings. The moon provides almost as much light as the sun, though the landscape looks as if the colour has been drained from it. I drink some water; the heat is quickly becoming unbearable and it's clear that dehydration will be a big claimer of tributes lives this year. Perhaps the gamemakers have done it to push all the tributes to the river, bringing us together. Nothing moves out there, I wonder if there's any wildlife at all. If not, we're in for some hungry days. I lean my head against the warm terracotta wall of the ruin, wondering where abouts we are, and what these building used to be. I wonder about the fates of the people who lived here. What disaster destroyed their lives? Was it natural or the work of man? I look to Adrian and Eva, sleeping peacefully, and am again struck by how glad I am to have them with me. Things weren't so hopeless for me now, and maybe, just maybe I'd get back to Seneca. But to do that, they'd both have to be dead. There's a point. What would happen if the three of us were the last ones standing? I know Adrian wouldn't kill me, but would he kill Eva? I doubt it, so that would leave me and Eva. I can't kill her either; I'd lose myself forever if I did that. I'd be as bad as the careers. Seneca would understand wouldn't he? He'd know that I had to be true to myself, wouldn't he? But I so badly want to return to him, and the chances of the three of us all surviving are slim, I have to face that fact.

"Over there." Eva whispers in my ear. I positively jump out of my skin, but I look to where she is pointing. At first I see nothing, then after a minute of squinting I see them. The careers are on the prowl.

"How did you notice them?" I ask incredulously. "And why are you awake?"

"I heard something." She says quietly, eyes still on the careers. They are getting closer.

"We need to move." I say, waking Adrian and signalling to the approaching predators. He nods silently and we pick up our stuff.

"Follow me." Adrian mouths and we do, sticking close and keeping behind as much cover as possible. We wind our way through the trees and skeletons of houses for a tense 10 minutes, the careers voices getting louder. Adrian breaks into a jog and we follow suit, terrified of being caught. The Capitol must be loving this, the ghostly remnants of once beautiful buildings, the silent land, and the large moon, all of it must make a perfect setting for a hunt, and we are the ones being hunted. He angles himself towards the river and I realise he is heading for the spot he saw earlier today, or yesterday I think; from the position of the moon, it must be almost morning. The careers are practically upon us when we reach the river and I spin round in horror as their voices sound from the spot we were in moments ago. I freeze and Adrian clamps a hand over my mouth, stifling the whimper of fear that almost escapes. He puts his finger to his lips and pulls Eva and I right to the edge of the water, ready for a quick yet probably futile escape.

"Over there!" I hear the voice of Bellona cry with excitement. I brace myself, ready for a fight, lifting my spear over my shoulder.

But the pained scream of another tribute tells us they have been distracted by different prey. I hear whoever it is, a girl, beg for them to let her live, and then as her screams intensify, for the end. I'm tempted to go and end her life for her and put her out of her misery but Adrian has other ideas.

"Wait for the cannon then jump into the water." He whispers to us. "Stay under water as much as you can." I see Eva's frightened face.

"Can you swim?" I ask her, wondering why she didn't say something earlier when we were planning our next move.

"Only a little." She admits. Adrian curses under his breath, but puts her on his shoulders anyway.

"Hold my pack then Twiglet." He informs her, handing the heavy pack up to her.

We stand on the water's edge as the screams subside into whimpers. We will be sitting ducks if they see us; their accurate aims will make us easy targets. The cannon bangs and we dive forwards. The feeling of cold water swirling around me is oddly comforting. If not for the murderous 18 year olds behind me I could be back home. The clothes weigh me down, but I'm a strong swimmer and I make quick progress. Fortunately, the careers are too busy celebrating their newest kill to hear us making our way away from them. I reach the other bank first and haul myself upwards, merging myself back against the ruins on this side of the river in case they should see Adrian and Eva. Adrian is obviously struggling with the extra weight but he makes it none the less. Only just though, as I pull them away so they're hidden from view, the careers come crashing through to the river bank.

"Did you see something?" Asks Echo, squinting across the river.

"No." Arcas dismisses, cleaning his bloody knife.

"Then why is the water rippling?" Points out Bellona. "Something's disturbed it."

"I doubt any of the tributes can swim." Arcas says. "It's probably just fish or something."

"I bet the two from 4 can swim." Tempest speaks up, and though I can't see his face properly, I know he is beginning to grin. "If I was them, I'd have gone across the river."

"Silly them, don't they know we can swim too?" Says Echo, a cruel tone coming into her voice.

"We should wait though." Bellona says. "There are plenty of other tributes to take out, and we might as well wait for them to get weak before we end their pitiful lives." The others agree, but they make camp where they are anyway.

Adrian signals that we should move on, and we practically crawl away from our current hiding place and begin to move towards the spot Adrian saw yesterday. Eva drops her water canister and it rolls towards the water's edge. Quick as a flash I leap up and get to the river, grabbing it before it can make a noise and hand it wordlessly to her. I glance over my shoulder as we move away, hoping we'd remain unseen. Three of the careers lie asleep on the ground. Tempest however stands right on the bank on his side. He lifts his hand and draws it across his throat and points to me. Cold fear grips me and I immediately know he doesn't intend to wait.


	13. You Should Never Let Your Guard Down

We find the ruins that Adrian was talking about as the sun begins to fully rise. When I say we, I mean Adrian and Eva. I can't stop looking over my shoulder. At every noise I spin round on the defensive, certain Tempest will be standing before me, his sadistic grin spreading across his face as he lifts his knife, ready to end my life in a bloody and brutal way. Adrian and Eva aren't as on edge as me, they laugh every time I react to a noise. They didn't see him though. I haven't told them, because they'll just tell me I'm being paranoid. Rather paranoid than dead though.

I have to admit, our position is ideal. It's pretty set back, but you can see the river clearly for quite a way either side, and other tributes could easily walk past without even suspecting anyone was hiding in here. As long as we're careful about being followed and leaving obvious trails we should be ok. This knowledge calms me slightly, though I know what applies to the other tributes doesn't necessarily apply to the careers. They're smarter and more intent on killing everything that draws a breath in this place. Eva voices her worries about getting food, I however, noticed fish in the water as we swam across the river, and I just so happen to be a pro at spearing fish, so I promise to show them how later on. We spend the morning scraping a map of the arena into the dirt on the floor of our den. We haven't seen a lot of it yet, but we draw in every detail we can. It turns out Eva is exceedingly observant.

"There haven't been any cannons yet today." I say, when we can't think of any other land marks. I'm worried because the Capitol might be getting bored, and if they're bored, the chances of a 'natural' disaster pushing us together are pretty high.

"It's early, and I'm sure people watching are going to be content for a while, after the blood bath yesterday." Adrian points out as he sharpens his sword.

"Yes, but only 10 tributes died." Eva says as she leans her head on my shoulder. "Last year there were about 15 on the first day!"

"Good point Twiglet." Adrian acknowledges, she scowls at him. "But it was far bloodier than last year. Trust me, I was there."

That sort of ends the conversation, and we sink into our own thoughts while we examine our packs and weapons. My mind goes to Seneca. The image of his face is like an oasis of calm amidst the storm of stress and fear within my head. I close my eyes, and picture his strong jawline and my hands running through his hair as he pushed me against the wall in the elevator. The feeling of his breath on my neck, his lips on my mouth, makes me shiver inwardly. I want to feel his weight pressing against me again as his voice says my name huskily, full of desire. I want him to hold me so tight it almost hurts. I want to taste his mouth again. How unladylike these thoughts are, Oregon would have a heart attack if she could read my mind right now. I stifle a laugh at the thought.

"What?" Eva asks. I'm about to answer when a cannon echoes through the dead valley. We look at one another, all thinking the same thing. 13 left. I stand and make my way to the entrance of our ruin, surveying the landscape before me but see nothing unusual. As I turn around again, I hear a scream full of so much pain and fear the very hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It seems endless as it fills every corner of the arena. Adrian and Eva join me at the door; Eva's hand finds mine and I squeeze it, feeling her shaking. The scream cuts off suddenly, and loud laughter follows. It's impossible to locate the sound as everything echoes so much. I know my face reflects the look of horror and disgust on Eva's. Adrian doesn't seem that phased, just determined. I see the muscles jump in his jaw, and know he can't wait to get his hands on the careers. As we go back into the safety of our camp, something hits me and my earlier anxiety returns. Only the sounds of three people laughing drift over to us. Where the fourth is I don't know, but I do know who's missing as surely as the sun coming up in the morning. Tempest isn't with them.

I tell the others. I don't want him to catch us at unawares.

"Let him come." Adrian says with a grin too close to Tempest's. "I'm ready."

"You might be, but I'm not." Eva whispers. I put my arms around her and tell her it will be ok. I don't want to face him yet, because everyone's expecting me to have some sort of incredible fight with him to avenge my sister. Unfortunately I don't have enough skill to even put a scratch on Tempest.

When night falls we make our way, cautiously, to the river. Unfortunately, the moon is just as bright as last night, so we don't much cover, but we need the food. With whispered words I tell Eva the basics of spearing fish. Adrian had earlier fashioned a couple of long, sharp sticks for Eva and him, while I had my spear. The water laps at my knees and the moonlight reflects off the water, making it hard to see the depths of the river. I've been doing this my whole life though. I close off my mind, focussing on the ripples of the water, my eyes scanning all the shadows moving beneath the surface. I send the spear into the river in one smooth motion and know I've hit my target. I grin smugly at the others as I begin to catch fish after fish, while they struggle to catch one. Even Adrian, but then again he didn't have to work his whole life as he'd come from a wealthy family. We begin to stifle laughter as Eva gets more and more frustrated at her lack of rewards. I try to show them how to do it, but I can't teach as well as my father, and they just don't seem to get me. We are having so much fun; we almost forget where we are and who could be following us. A grave mistake. A sudden ripple in the water makes all the fish swim away.

"Was that you Twiglet?" Adrian asks Eva, rolling his eyes at her clumsiness.

"No. I think you'll find it was me, 4." Tempest drawls as we spin round, trapped in the water. Adrian's sword lies on the shore, and we left the knives in the den. He is twirling two long daggers in his hands, so naturally it was beautiful. Beautiful and deadly.

"You should never let your guard down. People are after your blood." He continues, bathing in the pleasure of having us trapped. In the back of my mind, I know the whole of Panem will be watching us right now. Adrian eyes up the distance between himself and his sword. "I wouldn't bother; I'd get there first and gut you before you could blink." The grin is back, making me shudder.

"What do you propose I do then?" Adrian asks, his voice hard, fire in his eyes. He's desperate for a fight.

"Absolutely nothing. Stay where you are little fish boy." I practically feel the water begin to boil with Adrian's anger. _Stay calm, _I silently plea. "No, I don't want to fight you. Yet." Tempest says slowly, you can tell he's enjoying making this as dramatic as possible. "I have other fights to finish first." And for the first time, he turns his eyes directly at me and my heart sinks. "Get out of the water Tate." He orders.

"No Kai!" Eva begs as I move forward.

"Shut up! Shut up!" He roars at her. I freeze, shocked at the flip of his character. His eyes were burning and he looks psychopathic.

"You'll have to get through me first." Adrian snarls at him, moving in front of me.

"NO." He bellows. "It's her! I want to kill her!" He has genuinely lost his mind. Flipped out. They should check the mental state of tributes before they send them in. Perhaps they don't on purpose, to make things more 'exciting.' "I can kill you later." He grins, suddenly cool and collected again.

"Adrian, move." I whisper, he shakes his head. "Move, please. I'll be ok."

"Listen to your girlfriend." Tempest mocks, and I manage to get passed Adrian.

"Kai!" He protests, but I'm already on the bank, standing mere metres away from Tempest, my hand firmly gripping my spear. So this is how it will end.

"You two, don't move." Tempest barks at them, the psycho back again. "Or I'll drive my knife into your hearts and make her watch." Adrian opens his mouth to protest.

"Stay there!" I say to him. "This is between me and him" I try and sound strong and determined, but I only say it to make them stay still. I won't watch them die on my account.

Tempest turns his gaze on me and my heart stops. Where's the anger? It's not coming back. I only feel fear and dread and desperation and I want Seneca to hold me and I want to be safe and I want to wake from this nightmare.

I don't want to die.

He takes a step towards me. He's taunting me. He's like a predator playing with injured prey. He tilts his head slightly and grins. My hands are shaking and he can see they are. I'm too tense and he knows it. I can't focus and he loves that fact. But then he makes a fatal mistake.

"Are you going to cry like your sister?" He laughs out of ecstasy, safe in the knowledge he's stronger than me. "Are you going to beg for your mummy? Oh wait! Your mummy's dead. You know, my brother said they kept your sister alive for almost 20 minutes before they finally killed her. Can you imagine how much pain she was in? I intend to the same to you."

A red mist descends in front of my eyes. My heart pounds and I feel like I could explode. He will pay. He is going to pay. My hand tightens on the spear, and I raise my head, looking him square in the face.

"You're going to regret saying that." I say it quietly, but a deadlier sound has never left my mouth.

"No, I don't think I will." He is mocking me. He keeps mocking me. He's going to die. "I'll send flowers to your dad."

I snap. My spear leaves my hand and flies in a straight path towards his chest. But he dodges it. In the moment he takes to compose himself, Adrian's sword is in my hands. I'm far from competent with the sword, but I'm far from sensible right now. I want to make him suffer. I run at him, sword raised and he brings his daggers up in defence. The laughter has left his eyes and he knows he's underestimated me. I swirl and stab and block while he moves towards me. He's gaining ground, pushing me backwards. His smile returns and it pushes me over the edge I thought I was already over. Time slows. With strength and precision I didn't know I possessed I begin driving him back. I hear a snarling noise and realise it's me. Is that fear in his eyes? It should be. He should fear me. He will die. Nothing exists except us right now. But the sword is getting heavy in my arms and I'm getting clumsy. So is he. I don't know how long we've been fighting. Time is warped. I must kill him. For Daria. Daria. I draw on my last reserves as out battle becomes wilder. I trip and he's standing above me. He begins to laugh, bringing up his dagger ready to deliver the fatal blow. My spear is lying within arm's reach. This is my last chance. I reach for it and thrust it upwards with all my might. I close my eyes, waiting for the daggers to enter my flesh and steal my life. But they don't come. I dare to open my eyes. Tempest is still standing above me. His eyes are wide and shock is on his face. He opens his mouth and blood begins to seep out of it. The only thing keeping upright it my spear imbedded in his stomach. I roll from underneath him and pull my spear away. He collapses on a heap on the floor, his breath coming out in rasping gulps.

"That is for my sister." I say as a cannon fires above us.


	14. Forgive Me Seneca

Adrenaline is still coursing through my veins as Adrian and Eva guide me back to our camp so the hovercraft can pick up Tempest's corpse. I breathe deeply, suddenly ashamed that I was pushed to murder so quickly.

"Don't think on it Kai." Eva says softly. "You did what you had to."

"And it was incredible!" Adrian crowed. "God, it's 2:1 now. I need to get even." We both look at him but he just grins. "What can I say? I like the glory."

I've killed 2 people. No, 2 children. What would my dad think of me? Would he be proud or ashamed?

"Kai you're bleeding!" Eva exclaims as I sink to the ground, relieved to be back at our base. Suddenly notice warm blood trickling down my side. Adrian's at my side immediately, peeling my top back and applying pressure to the wound. I begin to feel the pain as the earlier rush fades. I wince as he pours water on it and try to look at the damage.

"Don't." Adrian advices. "It's not pretty."

"Let me see it!" I protest, but regret it immediately. A deep wound has sliced across my stomach and blood was pouring from it like a waterfall. It looks serious. I can see panic in the eyes of the other two, and know that neither of them have a clue as to what to do.

"I'll be fine." I say nonchalantly, trying not to grit my teeth in pain. They aren't fooled. "Look, Eva. You get some sleep. Adrian's got this. We'll be ok." She looks reluctant but the bags under her eyes tell a different story.

"Go to sleep Twiglet." Adrian instructs her, chucking a sleeping bag at her. I smile reassuringly and she crawls into it, falling asleep immediately. Guilt begins to tighten in my stomach because I know part of the reason she's so tired is because she was looking after me. I begin to feel faint. We need to stop the bleeding if I want to see the morning. Adrian begins to go pale as he realises his attempts at staunching the flow are in vain. Frustrated tears come to his eyes. I'm struggling to hang on to reality. I'm slipping away, and I know it, but somehow I don't mind. I take his hand.

"Hey, hey." I whisper. "Stop that Devon." He looks at me desperately, and I smile slightly. "You tried ok? You tried and that's what matters. Thank you."

"Stop that!" He says angrily. "Don't you dare give up! Don't!"

"Adrian, I'm ok." I say, my eyelids drooping. "I'm ok."

"Stay awake! Kai!" He pleads, but I'm so very tired.

"I… I'm just going to sleep for a little bit." I say through a yawn. He says my name, begging me to stay with him. I don't know why he's so upset. I'm just going to rest my eyes. I'm very tired after all.

Sleep begins to cover me like a soft blanket and I eagerly sink into its folds. I suddenly worry that I won't wake. But I'm so very comfortable…

Cold water jolts me from my slumber and I sit bolt upright. Disorientated and confused. Where am I?

"About time too!" Adrian mutters, and his face comes into view.

"What… why? How long?" I say incoherently, as everything comes back to me. Tempest. The Games. My hand goes to my side to feel my stomach, but there's no blood, just bruised and inflamed skin.

"You got a parachute, from Mags." Adrian says. "A salve. It worked pretty well." I'll say. I look down at my stomach and the wound is reduced to a raw cut, the skin around was purple and blue, but I was alive. I sit up and rub my eyes.

"How long?" I ask.

"5 days." Eva says quietly. My mouth drops open. 5 days? I suddenly notice their faces for the first time. Adrian has a black eye and several bruises on his face, and Eva. Eva had a cut across her entire her face and blood was smeared on her shirt. I shot up.

"What happened? What the hell happened?" I ask, my voice getting hysterical.

"Shh!" Adrian sharply pulls me down. "Don't over exert yourself!" I try to protest but he looks at me pointedly so I shut my mouth. "Well the medicine arrived pretty soon after you passed out, but you didn't wake up so we thought we'd lost you." There was pain in his voice and he took my hand. "I honestly thought we had. But there was no cannon."

"What's with the blood?" I ask slowly.

"There was an earthquake." Eva says. "On the other side of the river. Loads of ruins were destroyed and it filled the river in. All the tributes are on this side." That's not good. I reach out and touch her face, she smiles sadly. "We had a few run ins trying to defend the place."

"Sorry." I whisper.

"Don't be!" Adrian grins. "It's 4:1 to me now."

"How many left?" I ask. This makes them both go serious.

"It's us and the three careers." My mouth drops. "And they haven't found us yet?" Eva shakes her head.

"But they're getting close. They almost caught me yesterday." Adrian says quietly.

"The way they killed some of the other tributes." Eva shudders. "They cut one boys throat, only slightly and left him to bleed all night. They killed anyone who tried to put an end to it... They're monsters."

I ask about supplies and I'm surprised at the amount of food we've got. Adrian says our sponsors have been generous, and it's just as well because apparently there are no other sources of food out there no the rivers gone. They give me some bread from our district. The salty taste and green tinged dough makes me feel instantly better. I savour the taste and when it's gone I want more, but I don't ask because I know we need to save our food regardless of how much we've got.

"What's the plan then?" I ask when I finish the bread.

"We wait for them to kill each other off maybe?" Eva suggests. I feel my stomach drop. That would leave the three of us. No way. Adrian doesn't look too happy about it either. I wish I hadn't been out cold for so long. I may have met my end another way then. I don't want to be left with these two. I owe them my life so I can't take theirs, and that would mean breaking my promise to Seneca.

"They might find us before then." I say, almost hoping they do.

"Maybe." Adrian agrees. We're all quiet. Eva drops off first. Adrian tells me how much sleep she's lost while worrying about me and my heart goes out to her. I cover her in the sleeping bag and stroke her hair while Adrian and I discuss what went on in the last 5 days and what we should do next.

"Eva's an orphan." Adrian tells me quietly. I look at him in shock.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap at him. "There's no one waiting for her so we might as well kill her now?" I can't believe those words came out of his mouth. Sure he's a career, but Eva's only a 12 year old girl.

"No! No! That's not what I meant!" He says quickly, but I just raise an eyebrow. "Hear me out Kai." I lean back against the wall and look at him expectantly. "She's been telling me about herself, you know, while you were… sleeping. She lives in an orphanage." I shudder at the thought and resist the urge to bundle her in my arms and keep her safe and sound forever. The orphanages in District 4 are horrible. You avoid them; you avoid the kids who live there. If you walked past at night you could hear the crying. Our district was fortunate in that there wasn't as much extreme poverty as in the other districts, but the orphans were all undernourished and bruised from the beatings they received there. Poor, poor Eva. "She has two younger brothers. Her parents both died when one of the electricity generating factory near their home exploded, well, Eva and her brothers were at school… Lots of children became orphans that day." Well, that settled things. I would not win the hunger games. I would not try to win. In fact I would do anything I could to ensure Eva wins. And I can see from the look in Adrian's eyes that he has long since made the same choice. We look at each other for a moment. More passes between us in that one look than a hundred words could ever say. We're sending Eva home.

The sun rises far sooner than it should, and I know the gamemakers will be pushing us and the careers together in a matter of days. Then we'd be forced to face off with them.

"Not if we get them first." Adrian says to me, reading the expression on my face. I look to him and digest what he's implying. If we go to them. They'd never expect it. They think I'm dying.

"Yes." I say. If we can get to them, then Eva might stand a chance of winning, and rescuing her brothers from the only place worse than hell.

"Now?" He asks and I look to Eva. She's still sleeping. She wouldn't know where we'd gone until it was too late. She looks so peaceful. I nod at Adrian, though he's already getting his weapons ready. We gather only the necessities for our kamikaze mission. I leave two knives for Eva and all the food. As we go to leave, I lean down, kiss her forehead and brush her hair from her face. Her innocence gives me the strength I need to walk towards my death. Forgive me Seneca.

The careers are too arrogant for their own good. They haven't bothered covering any of their paths, and we're not following their footprints long before we can hear their loud, booming voices. We creep around the edge of their camp and they come into view. They're sitting round a large pile of goods. From the looks of what they're eating, they've got plenty of sponsors supporting them. Why the hell would someone spend a fortune just to send in chocolate? What good does that do? I can't help roll my eyes.

"You go round to the other side of the camp, and on my signal, you send that spear as straight and hard as you can at Arcas. They'll be distracted and I'll try to take the other two." Adrian whispers to me and I nod. I hadn't even come up with a plan if I'm being honest. "Catch ya later Tate." He says, like back in the Capitol. I try to grin.

"Sure thing Devon." I reply, and begin to make my way to the other side of the camp. I have to veer off the obvious path to avoid being seen, and the rubble left by the earthquake leads me far from my goal. I hope Adrian isn't too impatient. After about 10 minutes I begin to recognise the border of boulders surrounding their camp. I know immediately something is wrong. It's too quiet. Far too quiet. I creep up through the boulders as soundlessly as I can. My neck begins to prickle and fear makes my palms slick with sweat; my spear keeps slipping in my hands. As I approach the open centre I can make out only two figures, both standing close to one another. I squint my eyes in confusion. They both seem to be male. But there's only one male career left.

That's when two pairs of hands grab me from behind and a cold knife is pressed against my throat.


	15. Catch ya later Tate

"Don't even try it 4." Echo says in my ear as she snatches my spear away from me. "Now walk." She pushes me forward and the knife Bellona is holding to my throat nicks my skin. I clamp my teeth down to stop a gasp of pain escaping my lips, I need to appear strong. I stumble forward until the figures standing in the dusty daylight become clear. Arcas and Adrian stand together watching me. Betrayal hits me like a tsunami wave on a tiny beach. I can barely breathe. Everything has been a lie. His words of comfort back in the Capitol. His promise to me. His 'protection.' How could he do this to me? How could I have believed him so completely? He's a marvelous actor, I'll give him that. I stare at him with wide eyes, trying to stop the silly tears welling up in my eyes, but to no avail. I hear cruel laughter from Bellona and Echo as droplets fall from my eyes and run a path as treacherous as Adrian's lies down my face.

"Not so cocky now you don't have Adrian watching your back." Bellona says to me, flouncing over to him and running her fingers across his cheek. "Well Mr Beautiful here had us all fooled. I like that sort of darkness." She purrs at him. Adrian looks directly above my head, his eyes cold and emotionless. My heart falls into pieces. Eva was doomed to the same bloody end as my sister, and so am I by the looks of it. I've failed her, I've failed my father, and I've failed Seneca. I'm sorry, I whisper to each of them in my head. No. I might not have failed Eva yet. I can still help. They don't know about the knife I have tied to my calf under my trousers. I can take at least one of them out with it.

"I think we should let Adrian kill her." Bellona cocks her head, looking at him. "To prove his loyalty."

"NO!" Screeches Echo, raising her knife to my heart. "I'll do it. She killed Tempest. She deserves death by the hands of a tribute from 1."

"Stop!" Barks Arcas at her, and she reluctantly moves her hand away. It's obvious who's in charge here. "Adrian will do it." I look at him pleadingly; make it quick, make it painless. But he won't look at me. I notice a muscle in his jaw jumping. "Go on." Arcas tells him. Adrian begins to walk slowly towards me. Arcas follows right behind him. Odd. Don't they think he'll do it? He betrayed me in the blink of an eye; I doubt he'll have any trouble ending my life. He as good as has already. For the first time he looks me in the eye, and suddenly I'm confused. His eyes aren't cold and emotionless. They're full of pain and desperation. What's going on?

Then I catch a glimpse of a dagger being pressed against his back. He hasn't turned on me, he was caught by them. My relief is short lived. He continues to move towards me, but he knows I've seen Arcas' hand behind him. His eyes flick towards my calf and I realise he knows about my hidden weapon. He looks at Echo pointedly and I understand. If we're going to go down, we'll go down fighting. He stops a foot from me.

"Go on then, big boy." Bellona says to him, biting her lip in a seductive way. Adrian smiles his cocky smile at her and turns to me, with a raised eyebrow. I square up, ready to grab my knife. He winks at me, and quick as a flash he's got the dagger out of Arcas' hands and they're wrestling on the ground. Echo is frozen in astonishment, and I know this is the distraction is what I need. I don't have time to worry about Adrian as I pull the knife from the rag holding it in place. I wince as the blade sinks into my tensed muscle but bring my arm round and sink it into Echo's throat. A gurgling scream comes out of her mouth as her airway fills with blood. Shock and fear flicker in her eyes as I remove the now bloody blade and the light begins to fade from her as she drowns in her own blood. She lands on the floor and a red puddle begins to pool around her dead form. A cannon fires. I spin round, ready to face Bellona, but am greeted with a sight that I know will haunt me forever if I survive this ordeal. Arcas has Adrian on his knees and is holding his dagger to his throat, and Bellona is holding his head up by his hair. Pure loathing is visible on their faces.

"You'll pay for that 4." Bellona spits at me. "We're going to kill him, then find the little girl and make you watch as we gauge her heart out." They really should learn not to provoke their opponents, because when I get angry, I get deadly. And when they threaten my friends, I get angry.

"Over my dead body." I hiss back at her, and before they can stop me, my spear is back in my hands and I'm crouched down, ready for the offensive.

"Over his you mean." Arcas laughs cruelly and time slows down to a painful pace as I watch him bring his dagger down into Adrian's chest once, twice, three times.

"No!" I scream, rooted to the ground at the sight of blood seeping through his top. "NO. Adrian!" The spear is flying through the air before I fully understand what I'm doing. From the cry that leaves Bellona's lips I know it meets its mark. Arcas roars incoherently with rage as he sees his partner fall to the ground. He falls to his knees beside her and screams her name over and over; grasping her hands and pleading her to stay with him, promising her it will be ok. Then her cannon goes off.

He turns to me, pure hatred on his face.

"How dare you." He whispers. "How. Dare. You." He moves towards me, his eyes wide with anger.

"I wouldn't if I were you." Adrian's weakened voice sounds from behind him; he's holding Arcas' dagger, pointing it towards him. Arcas turns back to me and realises he is unarmed. The logical side of him must overcome his anger because he turns tail and runs. I let him go; Adrian's bleeding body is my only thought. I'm on my knees at his side straight away, and pulling his shirt off. I want to plead for him to stay with me too, but I know it's no good. I want to promise him it will be ok, but like Bellona he's got only moments left. Unless…

"Mags!" I cry to the air, knowing cameras are on my face. "Mags please. Medicine. Anything. Please?" My voice is thick with tears as I beg my mentor to save his life. "Please?"

Nothing comes.

He takes my hand. His are slick with blood. He looks at me and grins his arrogant grin, though pain is evident in his face.

"Looking good Tate." He says to me, and I let out a watery, hysterical laugh, very aware my face is covered in dirt and Echo's blood. "Stop crying Kai." He whispers, one hand on my face. "I've known I wouldn't be leaving the arena as a victor for a while now." I try to speak but I can't make any noise through the tightness of my throat and the tears that are cascading freely down my face. "Let me go." He murmurs, letting go of my hand.

"No." I choke out, tightening my grip on his hand.

"Kai." He says my name so gently. "Let me go. I'm happy. Happy that you're by my side. Let me go. I'll be ok, you know." I nod, finding strength in his words. I want him to see me strong as he slips from my world. I let go of his hand, and brush a stray strand of chocolate brown hair from his forehead. He looks at me one last time and turns his gaze to the sky.

"Catch ya later Tate." He says as his eyes slip closed. His cannon sounds and I place both of his hands on his chest around his sword, like in the stories of old heroes my mother used to tell me. I kiss his forehead and stand.

"Sure thing Devon." I whisper and through the tears, through the pain, I turn and leave my dead friend behind, safe and sound.

I walk aimlessly for too long. I try to find calm but I can't. I'm torn up with grief. I know Arcas is out there somewhere and I wish I could find him right now, knowing the anger at losing Adrian is still fresh enough for me to make his pitiful life as miserable as possible. Maybe I should go back to Eva.

Eva. My heart stops. How could I be so selfish? Here I am, walking around with as many weapons as I can hold, ready to kill Arcas, while she's in our base, alone and confused. Not knowing why she's alone. And I'm running, running as fast as I can, not caring if Arcas sees me. I have to get to her first. I don't want her to think we've abandoned her; I don't want her to get killed. I get to the base and pause outside. It's silent inside. Relief floods through my body. She's sensible; she'll still be in there. She's safe.

Then I hear her scream.

I burst in the door just to see Arcas bring a knife back out of her small body. He laughs at the expression on my face.

"Come find me when you're ready 4." He leers at me and darts out of the door.

I can't do this. I can't cope with two of my friends dying in my arms within mere hours of each other. I collapse on the floor next to Eva, completely numb. Her little face is full of sadness and she looks at me in the shadows of our camp that once was our haven of safety, made into hell by Arcas.

"I wanted to save my brothers." She says to me. No ounce of pain in her voice, just regret. I pull myself together and pick her up so she's lying in my lap.

"I'll help them." I tell her. "I promise I'll help them."

"How?" She asks, hope alight in her eyes.

"I'm going to kill Arcas. I'm going to win this thing, and when I go to district 5, I'll get them out of the orphanage. I'll give them money. I promise." I don't know if I'd be allowed to do that, hell, I don't know if I can win, but I just want her to go in peace.

"Thank you Kai." She whispers, a smile on her lips. "If I'd ever had a sister, I'd want her to be you. I love you." She says to me. "Thank you."

"I love you too Twiglet." I murmur to her, ruffling her hair and kissing her cheek. She giggles.

I don't need to hear the cannon to know she's gone when a final breath leaves her lips a moment later. I carry her frail body to the water's edge and leave it there for the hovercraft to pick up. I take one last look at my little friend, before turning my back on our camp and begin to walk back towards Adrian's death place. I carry only my spear and a knife. I'm ready to meet my death, or to make Arcas meet his. I walk out into the centre of the dirty camp that is smeared with blood from the three bodies that lay here earlier this day.

"Arcas." I call out. "I know you can hear this. Come and face me." My body is numb, my hands are cold, I'm still in shock from the things I've experienced today. No 17 year old should ever experience these things. Some distant thought makes its way to the forefront of my mind. Not 17 anymore. I count the days we've been in the arena. Today is my 18th birthday. What better way to celebrate my becoming a woman than to kill someone in cold blood. What have I become?

"You sure?" I hear him leer at me from somewhere in the rubble at the edge of the camp. "No one's here to protect you now."

"You're stalling Arcas." I say, using his name reminds me he's only human too. "You scared?"

He emerges from the dust before me, an axe in his hand. I wonder where he got it. Probably has a store of them somewhere. Stolen from fallen tributes or from the Cornucopia. I don't doubt he is as proficient with an axe as with any other tool of death that may be lying about the arena right now. My head is pounding. I realise I haven't had anything to drink for a long time. The medicine Mags sent for me must have had something in it to provide my body with what it needed, but I hadn't drank since waking. Not a good thing seeing as I was about to fight to the death. I wonder if any of the heroes from the stories mother used to tell me about are looking down on Arcas and I now, applauding our skill and bravery. Then I think of my sister, is she praying for my survival or does she want me to join her? A gentle breeze brushes my face, it may just have been because I'm thinking of her or that I want to believe it, but I feel her presence with me at that moment and I'm ready.

We stalk around one another in a circle, none of us making any move to initiate the fight.

"You killed Bellona." He spits across at me.

"You killed Adrian." I shoot back, my anger rising. "And Eva. She was just a girl. Your heart must be the coldest place on earth." I want to kick myself for saying it. I don't want to provoke him, because I'm fully aware of what happens when you get provoked.

"You're going to beg for the end when I'm through with you. I'm going to watch you suffer." He snarls at me.

"You're all talk." I hiss at him. "You're pathetic." Oops. That's got him. He charges at me, his axe raised. I manage to dodge him. Just. He flies past me, but turns with precision so he's facing me again.

"I'm going to win this thing." He says, his eyes hard. "And when I visit district 4, I'm going to tell them how weak and pitiful you were. How you hid behind a 12 year old because you were too much of a coward. How you let them die, and didn't try to save them."

It's my turn to attack now. I fly at him with a battle cry on my lips. I let my spear soar at him. I'm too angry, my aim's off, but the metal tip still embeds itself into his leg. He roars in agony and flings it to the ground. He moves towards me, and I realise I only have my knife to defend myself against the heavy axe he's wielding. He swings at me, and I duck, stumbling backwards. The axe comes back round; I see it aimed at my neck in my peripheral. I manage to throw its path off by blocking the blade with my knife. He's got the upper hand, and we both know it. I fall, I dodge, and I stumble. He drives me back and back until there's nowhere else to retreat to.

I make my final stand next to a deadened tree whose branches reach towards the sky, praying for salvation. I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin, like dad told me to. I look Arcas straight in the eyes. His lips curl as he sees victory. He brings the axe down with all his strength. With as much agility as I possess, I twist away from the blade. Not enough. I scream as the blade slices down my back. The pain is searing. I've never felt anything like this before. There aren't words to describe the all-consuming agony that burns through me like a fire. His laughter mingles with the scream that I realise is still coming out of my mouth. I fall. Death looks down at me with a smile of anticipation on his dirty face.

"Say hello to your sister for me." He says.

"_Hold on Kai." _A voice on the wind whispers into my ear. I grip the handle of my knife. I will try. I promised Maria, I promised Dad, I promised Seneca. I don't like to break promises. With all my remaining strength I roll off the ground and manage to slice my blade down his face. My back screams in protest but I retreat from the pain. The only remaining rational part of my mind hides behind a flimsy wall that is ready to fall. He howls in pain as blood spurts from his face. I know I got one of his eyes. He stumbles back, dropping his axe. I manage to kick it away. He pulls out a knife. We are evenly matched. We are both in pain. We both want to win. He lashes out at me, and I feel a sharp pain as metal meets the skin on my cheek. I taste blood. I almost fall, my vision is fading. No. Just a bit longer. I stab my upwards in a wild movement, not knowing where I was aiming for. Something twists the knife from my hands. My eyes focus again, momentarily. Arcas stares blankly at me. My knife is lodged under his chin. The blade entrenched in his head. A lone trickle of blood runs down his neck. A cannon fires. It's over.

I collapse as Claudius Templesmith declares me the winner of the 69th hunger fames. The wall in my head keeping me sane has fallen.

**AN: I know the games have been pretty short, but this is a Seneca FF and I want to explore his and Kai's relationship more and I can't really do that while she's stuck in the arena ;) I hope Eva isn't too much like Rue, I didn't intend her to be, and I hope you're enjoying it! **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! They mean a lot! **

**I've already almost finished the next chapter but i want to rework some of it. It should be up fairly soon but I've got exams looming :S**


	16. He Owns Us All

_I feel like I'm drowning. Why won't it just end? Please make it end. I can't even scream. Where am I? Unknown faces swirl before my eyes in moments of clarity, before the waves engulf me again and I'm back in the roaring silence. Voices speak but say nothing. I see lights flicker, but I am trapped in darkness._

_My mother croons to me while my sister strokes my hair. Perhaps I'm finally dead. Why do I still hurt then? _

_I hear the song they played when they carried my mother's coffin away. I watch my father mourning her every night._

_My father, his face reaches me clearly, and I know he's waiting for me. I try to swim then, against the raging currents attempting to drown the last tendrils of life that clung to me. It seems like days, months, years when I resurface. The strangers are still around me. Doctors. Injecting things and stitching my injuries. How can I tell them my real wounds aren't on the surface? Whenever I drift away again, horrid nightmares grip me, and I watch as my loved ones are killed in every way before my eyes. Or I run from Tempest, I can hear him behind me but my feet won't go any faster, they just become heavy and slow. I can't wake myself up when he catches me. Unlike in the arena, he succeeds in killing me in these dreams. Slowly, painfully. His sadistic grin haunts me. Eva. Adrian. Eva. Adrian. They die over and over. Once I was the one killing them. I awoke screaming so loudly the doctors come running and sedate me. I don't resurface for a long time after that._

_In and out of consciousness I drift. Once I wake up to find myself alone, and when the nightmares come, I am trapped in a barren wasteland. I walk and walk but find nothing and see no one. I awake in a cold sweat._

_Eventually strange faces are replaced by familiar ones, but I can't put names to their faces. An older lady sits holding my hand and singing a song that triggers memories of being a young child on the beach. Several brightly coloured people surround my bed, speaking in strange accents, congratulating me. For what though? A handsome man joins the old lady. They tell me it will be over soon, I'll be able to be me again. This gives me hope. I want to be out of this raging sea. A woman with green hair tells me she can't believe she's got another victor. Does she mean me? I don't feel like I've won anything. A man with pink hair soon follows her. He talks to me about his family, and about what the weathers like outside. Apparently summer is in full swing. You can even hear the birds over the noise of the city if you listen carefully. I can't hear much over the noises of memories replaying in my head. I wonder if I've lost my mind._

_Several particularly terrifying nightmares grip me in quick concession. I begin to feel the ties I'd made to reality become loose and slip away one by one. Then I hear a voice, more clearly than of the others. My eyes flicker open just slightly. I become aware of another hand gripping mine. _

"_Come back to me." A man with dark hair and an intricate beard sits by my side, his head bowed. I can see he is beautiful. "Please." A drop of water hits my hand. A tear? _

_I try to speak; I don't want this beautiful man to be in pain. I want to comfort him. No sound comes. Then he looks up. His blue eyes pierce my soul and suddenly I can see light above me and I know I'm almost at the surface. _

_Wait for me! Please wait for me. I want to scream for him. So close._

"_Come back." He whispers again._

"_Seneca." My mouth forms the words, the sound is barely audible but it's there. I remember. Him and I on the roof, the elevator, the corridor when I was lost. Why was I lost? I was in the Capitol. The games. District 4. It all comes flooding back to me. "Seneca." I repeat, my voice returning to me. "I will." I manage to say. "I promised I would."_

_Then sleep takes me again. All I dream of is Seneca. _

When I woke up he was gone, but I was back. The doctors asked endless questions and took endless notes. After what seems like hours they deemed me sane and tell me Mags will come and take me back to my room. I didn't feel like talking much, and I know Mags understood my silence. She put her arms around me and told me she was proud, then led me back to a different suite from the one I'd stayed in before. I was glad though. I couldn't face seeing Adrian everywhere I turned. I wanted Seneca. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to go home. I wanted to stay here. My mind was still pretty messed up, but I kept it supressed.

"Oh my gosh!" High pitched squeals reach my ears before I see them. Before I can escape, my prep team burst through the door. "We are just so happy!" They cried in unison.

"I thought you were a goner for sure!" Trilled China. "When Arcas was circling you." He has to stop he's so overcome.

"I know! I was on the edge of my seat!" Terence chipped in. "Best games ever!" I nod and smile mechanically as they babble almost incoherently at me. I knew Mags was watching me, so I tried to look as together as I could. I just wanted to go to bed, and hide under the covers.

"Enough of that though! Tomorrow's you're big interview." Glaze said excitement in her tone. "So tomorrow morning, we're going to make you beautiful again!"

"She's always beautiful." Came the voice I was happy to hear. Finnick walked into the room, grinning a lopsided grin at me. "Way to go Kai-cat. You were deadly." He put his arms around me and I hugged back, glad for a moment to centre myself.

"Cheers Odair." I grinned at him. "Do you feel threatened by my presence?" It takes a lot to make a joke, and my laugh was about as real as China's nose.

"Never." Finnick chuckled, hitting me on the arm.

"We'll be round bright and early tomorrow morning!" My prep team hug me several times before leaving. Though I knew it's only because of the fame and popularity they must be getting as my stylists.

"Where's Oregon?" I asked as we sat down for dinner, or was it lunch? I'd lost the ability to keep track of time.

"She's just sorting out some public appearances and parties for you to attend." Mags said, as she began piling food onto my plate. "Eat up." She ordered.

Public appearances. I didn't know if I was ready for that. My mind was still scrambled and every word, every smile was a huge effort.

"I know it's hard." Finnick said softly, reading my thoughts as if I was an open book. "We've both been there."

"When will it stop?" I asked, there was a desperate tone to my voice, and I hated sounding so weak and pathetic.

"It won't." Mags said bluntly, but she put her hand on mine. "But you'll get better at handling it, I promise." I nodded at her words, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. We ate in relative silence, but it was comfortable. I focused on my food, keeping my mind anywhere but the abyss behind the wall I was slowly re-building.

"I think I'll go to bed." I told them as soon I finish, though that's the last thing I wanted to do. I knew nothing will stop the nightmares that came creeping up behind me as my eyes slip shut. They nodded in an understanding way; I guessed they thought I wanted to be alone for a bit. They're wrong though. I don't.

Once in my room, I take the longest shower yet, pressing every button about twice. It does make me feel a little better, but nothing seems to be able to bring me any inner peace. I turned off the water and stepped in front of the mirror. _"We're going to make you beautiful again!"_ My prep teams words echoed in my head. The cut Arcas gave me on my cheek has scarred, faintly but it's there, as is the slash across my stomach I'd received from Tempest. I ran my fingers over the raised skin and can't help but worry whether Seneca will still find me attractive. I'm glad that such a shallow thought came to mind. Perhaps it was a sign my head won't always be full of the screams of dying children. I turned so I could see my back; a gasp came out of mouth before I fully realised what I was seeing. An angry scar twisted down my back on the left hand side from the axe. It looked horrible next to the smooth pale skin of the rest of my back. Was it not enough that my mind had been scarred beyond repair? Did I need physical wounds as well, to remind me of the horrors I'd experienced? I practically ran from the bathroom, disgusted at the sight of my back, and pulled on a cotton jumper and leggings. I don't know what to do with myself, for the first time it truly hit me that I was free from the games, that no one was trying to kill me. I sat on the plush sofa in the corner of my room and took a moment to process that thought. I won. I was alive. My dad would live in luxury for the rest of his life. That brought a smile to my lips. I was so wrapped up in the thought of how proud he would be that I didn't notice the lights flicker out. I started as I realised I was sitting in darkness; there must be power cut. They weren't that rare back in District 4 but I would have thought the Capitol would ensure they never happened here. I wondered whose head would roll as a result of this glitch.

I walked out onto the balcony, leaning on the railings and gazed at the stars that aren't visible when the lights of the Capitol are polluting the natural beauty of the night. Everything seemed so peaceful in the moonlight. This was one of the things I missed most about home. Back there, I knew all the constellations; I could navigate my way back to my house from any point in our District just by the stars that shone over us every night. These constellations were different; they weren't comforting in their unfamiliar patterns and positions. I wanted to go home.

As I looked at the night sky, I heard the door open and heavy footsteps entered my room. I'd assumed Finnick had left with Mags, but apparently not. I braced myself for a barricade of questions or comments that would trigger unwanted memories and break down the wall I was still trying to build. Couldn't they let me be for just a little while? Didn't they think I was safe in my own company? Perhaps I was on suicide watch. I was surprised that we never heard of victors ending their lives. It sure seemed to be a tantalising choice of escape right now… To leap from the balcony, and feel myself in free fall, like a bird without wings, hitting the ground and crashing from the world. I'd be with my sister then, we'd be happy and safe. My hands pressed against the railing and for a wild moment I actually contemplated launching myself off the edge. I could do it. I could end all the pain… I was so absorbed in my selfish thoughts of eternal peace that I'd forgotten I wasn't alone. The warm lips that were suddenly on my neck took my breath away, out of both shock and desire. Seneca. He didn't say anything, but his arms encased me and I was his. I closed my eyes, submerging myself in the heat that spread through my body from the point where his lips touched my skin. I'd been waiting for him so desperately and I hadn't even realised. Relief crashed down on me as I felt his breath on my skin. This is what kept me going in the arena. My longing to be in his intoxicating presence had propelled me to victory as much as the thought of my sister had. The earth falls away beneath me as I turn in his arms and his piercing eyes hold me captive. He seemed to be drinking in my existence, savouring every inch of my face. I could have stayed there looking at him forever. How had I not noticed the perfect curve of his upper lip before? His jawline, his cheekbones, his hair, his beard, his eyes. God he was perfect. Not a word passed between us for what seemed like hours as I stood entrapped in his arms. I noticed an expression in his eyes, similar to the same one present when we first… met, in the elevator. Beneath the intense desire that made me go weak at the knees, was frustration and perhaps even despair. Why would he ever need to despair? He had everything he could want at his fingertips, me included. It frightened me to see his inner turmoil. When his lips finally came crashing down onto mine, it didn't erase my slowly building anxiety. It was too frantic, too urgent. But quickly, all coherent thought left my head and he overwhelmed my thoughts. I clung to him, desperate to hold on to this respite from the haunting memories. I responded with equal enthusiasm as he spun me round so I was against the wall, his hands tangled in my hair. My heart was pounding and my breath was getting quicker. I melted against his body and my hands grasped his back in a place it felt they were made to be. When he pulled away it took me a moment to come back down to earth.

"Kai." He said simply, his eyes slightly crazed. His low tones made me shiver. His hands were still in my hair as he looked at me searchingly. "I don't know what to do. We have to be careful, so careful." Apparently thinking out loud was something he did quite often, because I don't think he was talking to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked softly, pulling him closer, desperate for him to kiss me again.

"We can't do this. We can't be caught." He said in frustration, dropping his hands and turning away from me. I felt my heart begin to sink, and panic rising up inside me.

"We won't get caught." I knew I was practically pleading with him, but he had been my salvation from the horrors in my mind. I needed him far more than I should. I couldn't lose him too. He turned to me, running a hand through his hair.

"You don't understand." There was pain in his voice.

"Then help me to!" I replied moving towards him. Please don't let him leave me, I prayed to anyone who would listen, after all I've been through, give me this one thing, and just give me Seneca. I know I barely knew him but there was a magnetic attraction between us and I didn't know if I could survive without him anymore. He took my hands in his, and smiled an empty smile at me.

"President Snow sees everything, he knows everything." His voice was bitter. "You are sobeautiful." I bit my lip to stop a smile forming despite the situation. "Everyone is going to want to meet you; everyone is going to want to… get to know you. You've become a bargaining chip in his own games. I don't know how to stop him."

"He doesn't own me. He can't use me against my will. I'll just tell him no." I said firmly. In my mind the president was responsible for the death of my sister and my mother. I would never be used by him.

"He owns us all." Seneca stroked my cheek as if he was already losing me. "I can't watch you become another Finnick Odair, but I don't know how I can stop it. I don't know how to keep you safe, not when Snow is already planning his uses for you." His voice rose angrily.

"What's Finnick got to do with this?" I asked slowly, remembering Finnick's many absences before the games because of 'friends.' Seneca was too lost in his own thoughts to answer me. I didn't like seeing him like this; I felt like we were wasting precious time, so I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his. When I drew back, his eyes were closed and a calm smile was on his face. Now that was the Seneca I wanted to see. But too soon the other one was back.

"I'll spend the rest of my life working it out if I have to. Please, wait for me." His eyes bore into me, I felt like my very soul was exposed to him. "I will keep you safe. I will protect you from them." Then his lips were on mine and all the questions I so desperately wanted to ask faded from my mind in the moment of our kiss. "Goodbye Kai." Then he was gone. Gone before I could say another word. With empty legs I made my way to bed and lay on top of the covers. Almost as soon as I did the lights came back on. A part of my mind noted this and wondered whether Seneca had been behind the blackout; creating a cover to come and see me. My mind was spinning as an aftermath of our reunion. I didn't know what I'd been expecting but it certainly wasn't that. What did he mean when he said people wanted to get to know me? It had sounded so sinister. As sleep began winning me over and my battles to stay awake became more feeble, I made my mind up to ask Finnick about what Seneca has said, as soon as I saw him next. I said a silent prayer that Seneca and I could one day soon escape together, anywhere, away from prying eyes, and just be with one another with no impending danger.

That night, when the nightmares came, I dreamt I was trapped in the glass launch tube, watching Seneca's limp body swinging from a rope dangling from a mighty stone statue of President Snow. Somewhere a baby cried.

I woke up screaming.

**AN: Sorry for the delayed update, but it's going to be this long between updates until my exams are over. Which is in three weeks. Then I will be writing far more. **

**I hope you enjoy! Please Review, I massively appreciate all the reviews you've written me so far, they keep me writing :) :)**


	17. I Was Wrong

I watched the red sun rise over the Capitol the following day, not wanting to sleep again. No one came for me all morning, save for Avoxes that served enough food for a dozen rather than one. I rattled around the apartment, _my_ apartment, for hours. There was nothing to do, and nothing could occupy my mind. I still wanted to see Finnick but I didn't know where he was and the Avoxes couldn't exactly help me there. To my great displeasure, the front door was locked and I couldn't for the life of me find a key and it soon became clear the door was locked from the outside. Great, so now I was a prisoner. Seneca's words came drifting back to my head, and I felt fear begin to start whispering round the edges of my mind. I was just contemplating climbing out of the balcony to look for him in the Capitol when the man himself bounded through the door. He laughed out loud at the scowl on my face as I sat curled tightly up on a chair.

"So I'm not allowed to leave?" I said angrily as he sat on the floor in front of me, resting his face in his hands, grinning boyishly.

"Nope." He said simply.

"Why?" I asked incredulously.

"Because the Capitol wants you were they can see you." He looked like this was the most obvious and simple answer ever. "If you do anything that puts the Capitol in a bad light, the districts will cling to it and dangerous things can happen."

"Why would I do that? I just want to forget about everything. I would never make it worse." I unfurled my tightly knotted limbs and leaned forward moodily.

"They don't know that for certain. Not yet at least. Lots of victors get pretty discoloured after getting through the games." He pulled a bar of chocolate out of his pocket and chucked some at me. The rich, sugary taste made everything feel a little better.

"Finnick." I said slowly as the reason I wanted to find him came to the forefront of my mind again. I didn't know how to word this. "Someone… mentioned something about the Capitol citizens… being keen to… get to know me… like they do with you… But I don't know what this person meant."

He went very pale, and for maybe the first time in his life Finnick Odair was rendered speechless.

"Who said that to you?" He asked quietly.

"Does it matter? I just want to know what he meant." I resist the urge to look away from him.

"He? Was it Misha?" He was avoiding the question.

"No, no it wasn't. But please Finnick. Tell me." I pleaded. He looked at me for a moment then took a deep breath. Suddenly I saw a side to him I didn't know existed. A vulnerable, lost side of him.

"People in the Capitol, they love the games, all of it. The death, the blood, the victors. Thing is, when a victor is like us, they don't forget us. They want to know us, they get ideas in their shallow little heads that they are special, and they want us to make them feel special. Loved. Wanted." His voice was barely audible.

"What do you mean?" I whispered, disgust and shock filling my mind.

"You know what I mean Kai." He said numbly. "I'm sorry that it's going to happen to you. I really am." He stood and moved away from me.

"What about Annie?" I asked; she was another victor from our district and I knew from sight the two were close. She'd lost her mind in the arena and I'd seen him calm her down once. It was a beautiful thing to see. They were both so intensely and completely in love. No one else but him could reach her when she was scared.

"She doesn't know." He murmured.

"They can't make me. I won't do it." My voice rose hysterically.

"They can." He said. "As long as they have a hold over you."

"They don't have a hold over me though!" I protested.

"Your father." Two words brought my resolve against the Capitol, and I realised I'd never have a choice in anything they wanted me to go again, as long as he still lived. My heart sank in despair. What could on earth could I do against the immense and utter power of Snow and his twisted domain?

"Who told you anyway? Kai just tell me." Maybe I should have done, but before I opened my mouth to answer, Misha came through the door. He walked right up to me and wrapped his sturdy arms around my shoulders.

"Welcome back." He said simply, a huge smile on his face.

"It's good to see you Misha." I replied. I meant it.

"Did I interrupt something?" He looked from me to Finnick, but we both shook our heads, too quickly. He raised his eyebrow but said nothing else on the matter. He took my hand and led me into a room with a massive mirror and a larger wardrobe.

"How come you know my apartment better than I do?" I commented drily as he sat me done on a comfy chair.

"Well I personally requested this room. I want to work on you in comfort, and you've got to look your best all the time." He said grinning as he pulled open the wardrobe to reveal dresses and outfits in every shade of blue and green crammed in there.

"How have you made so many already?" I asked incredulously.

"I knew you'd win." He stated simply, and then began pulling a brush through my hair. "I asked the prep team to let me at you today."

"I appreciate that." I really did. I didn't fancy coping with their happy-go-lucky ignorance right now. I was still processing what had Finnick had told me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Misha asked me after a lengthy silence. I shook my head, and Misha smiled sadly.

"You'll feel better one day sweetie." He told me as he began twisting my hair into a complex bun. I hoped so. I wanted to get out of here. In district 4, I'd feel safe, just out of direct reach. Misha began talking about menial little things in his special way that made me feel calm. I wondered if I could keep him with me when I went home, to help me when the nightmares came. For hours I sat in companionable silence while Misha chatted and worked his magic fingers and made me look like the victor everyone wanted me to be.

"What am I expected to do?" I asked him as he dabbed finishing touches to my face.

"Just answer Caesar's questions, and then you'll be expected to attend a dinner at the President's house. Just smile and laugh, all they want you to do is be there and look pretty." He promised.

"I didn't realise there was a dinner afterwards."

"Just go with it all. Not asking questions will make everything so much easier." Misha lifted my hand so I was standing, and pulled a silky dress over my head. It was dark blue and very tight fitting. I look down and gulp at its short length.

"Are you sure?" I asked uncertainly, concerned at the amount of leg this dress revealed.

"They're going to love you sweetie!" He reassured me. I didn't want them to love me though. Perhaps if I acted like an unreachable, cold girl, no one would want me. Actually, knowing the Capitol, that would just make me more desirable. I sucked in my breath when I saw my reflection. What stood before me was a girl who looked like she'd lived in the lap of luxury her whole life. A girl who'd never had to do a day's work in her life. She was perfect. To me though, she was ugly. No trace of the games remained in her face. None of the struggles she'd experienced in her life could be seen in her posture and in her skin. The struggles that had made her the person she was. Without the blemishes and marks I felt naked. What would the districts think of me when I stepped out onto the stage? Just another victor who'd embraced the Capitol's shallow way of life in the blink of an eye. No, there was a part of me that still remained. Despite the make-up and the clothes masking who I was, nothing could cover up the pain in my eyes, nothing could erase what I'd seen and what I'd done, and I was glad.

The clatter of heels announced the arrival of the one member of my team I had yet to see.

"Well don't you look fabulous!" Trilled a voice I didn't even realise I'd missed. I turned to her and had to blink several times. Her hair was so blue it was blinding.

"What happened to green?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"When the sun shines on the water, the water turns blue, and the sun is certainly shining on us right now!" She sang as she carefully embraced me. I didn't bother telling her she was wrong. "Come along everyone! Caesar awaits!" She ushered us out of the apartment where Mags and Finnick were waiting. They arranged themselves around me as we followed Oregon down the corridor, blocking me from excited yells and unwanted attention.

"Just answer everything honestly, Caesar will do the rest." Mags whispered to me as we walk into the backstage area. She rubbed my back soothingly as stage fright begins to make an appearance. The open music sounded and Caesars booming voice greeted the audience. Even from back here I could tell the crowd was massive.

"Let me present the lady you've been dying to meet. KAI TATE!" I heard him say. I was trembling too much to even move my feet. Finnick leaned forward and clapped my back so hard I almost tripped.

"Knock 'em dead Kai." He said. Last time he said that I was about to go into the arena. I was almost as scared now. I took a deep breath and lifted my chin and strode onto the stage like the Victors I'd seen before me. I smiled at the frenzy of people below me, trying to block out the noise that was pounding my ear drums. Caesar kissed my hand and led me to the seats on the stage. When silence finally fell he turned to me grinning.

"Well Kai. What an amazing show you gave us. How are you feeling?" Terrible. Messed up. Afraid.

"Glad I'm still alive." They all laughed. I wasn't joking.

"I imagine you are! What were you thinking about during you're final fight?" Silence falls and I sense everyone leaning forward in their seats.

"I thought I was going to die." I whispered as the memory came back to me.

"But you started to fight back, near the end. Why?" Caesars pressed me.

"Because I don't like to break promises." I said simply.

"Who did you promise?"

"My family and my friends." I didn't like where he was going with this.

"Anyone in particular? Is there a boy waiting for you back home?" He grinned at me. I didn't really want to talk about this right now, especially as my mind went straight to Seneca kissing me last night. I cursed myself as my face began to heat up. Really? Great timing there. Thanks.

"No there isn't." I smiled sweetly, knowing I was fooling no one. Caesar looked at the audience with a raised eyebrow.

"I doubt that very much. You're a beautiful girl. Surely there's a strong handsome man waiting for you in District 4." There was a strong handsome man far closer than that. I smiled inwardly as I imagined the audience's reaction if I actually told them what had gone on between me and the head gamemaker. Caesar would be speechless for the first time in his life.

"I didn't have time to think about that sort of thing before the games." I said honestly.

"Well you do now." He winked at me. "I bet there are plenty of willing men here and back home."

"We'll have to see." I winked back, making him laugh. He turned to the audience then and proclaimed loudly it was time for a recap of the games. My heart sank. I'd forgotten this was the general practice for victor interviews. I wasn't ready for this, I thought wildly. I scanned the crowds before me, searching for a familiar face to give me the comfort I needed while they forced me to watch Adrian and Eva die again. I couldn't see any of them and my heart began pounding as I realised they must still be backstage. I needed Misha's pink hair and kind face. I needed Mags' gentle understanding. A movement in my peripheral vision made me turn my gaze upwards, and blue eyes met mine. Seneca was sat in a balcony with the other gamemakers and other important people from the Capitol. He must have known I was struggling to keep it together because concern was written over his face. He smiled just slightly and nodded his head. It was a barely discernible movement but it quelled the building panic enough just to regain composure. While the audience gasped and cheered to the film of my games, I hid in a corner of my mind and shut everything off. I sat and smiled, but inside I felt safe, shielded by the image of Seneca on the roof the night before the games. He was already keeping me safe.

The sound of the anthem reached me and I realised the film was over. I stood as the President himself took the stage, holding a crown of twisted gold.

"Well done Miss Tate." He said with a smile that sickened me. I was frozen in fear. Here was a man I'd hated throughout my life, standing a foot away from me. "You certainly gave us a games to remember."

"You should thank the gamemakers for that. Not me." I forced myself to sound sweet and humble when I was torn between running away and punching the snake-like smile off his face.

"I will indeed." He nodded and lifted the crown onto my head, and pulls one of my hands above my head, leading me forward. I was repulsed by the contact but kept it inside. "Our newest Victor!" He called out and the audience applaud and scream. He kissed my hand, which was really too much for me to stand. Perhaps he was testing me. I just kept smiling benignly. "I hope you will join me for a feast to celebrate your victory tonight." He said above the applause.

"It would be an honour." I replied, equally loudly. I couldn't wait for this night to be over.

When I finally get off stage, Misha whisked me into a private room to change me before I can draw a breath. The new dress is a long one, but just as tightly fitting.

"Why do I need to change again?" I asked as I admired the way the material shimmered in the light.

"Because you're in the Capitol sweetie." He grinned.

"Are you coming too?" I asked as he undid my hair.

"No, stylists aren't invited to anything that prestigious."

"Can't you come instead of Oregon?" I almost begged. He laughed and put his arms round me.

"I would if I could." He stepped back to look at me. "Perfect." He declared and pulls me back out of the room. Oregon is beside herself with excitement, which is strange seeing as she must have been to plenty of these events before. The victory rate for 4 wasn't exactly low. Finnick looked dazzling in a black suit, and Mags was on his arm, her age just adding to her regal appearance. If I thought my apartment was fancy, the President's mansion was out of this world. It was lavish and elegant and over the top. Seriously, the amount of money this must have cost would have kept an entire district from hunger for a whole year.

Oregon introduced me to person after person; their names make little impression on me as I try to keep in laughter at their ridiculous appearances. Suddenly though, I found myself standing face to face with Seneca.

"This is Seneca Crane, as I'm sure you know Kai. The person of the evening! Well, asides from you of course." Oregon babbled, adjusting her wig and batting her eyelashes at him.

"It's good to meet you properly." He said smoothly, kissing my hand and ridding it of any traces of President Snow. There was no hint of the usual lust or indeed recognition in his eyes. All I could see was a cold man who was talking because he had to, not because he wanted to. I was taken aback by how well he could act.

"Likewise." I replied, attempting to remain as cool as he was. "Congratulations on the games. I'm told they were spectacular this year." I knew my voice sounded bitter but I didn't care. I was hurt by his indifference towards me, and part of me wondered which side of him was actually the act. Maybe everything he'd told me was a lie, maybe he only wanted me in his bed, and then he could discard me without a thought. He blinked at me, and I caught a look of shock cross his face. Good, I thought as Oregon pulled me away, muttering angrily about acting with decorum in my ear. I was thrown by the way Seneca had greeted me, and I was glad when dinner was called because it signalled the end of this tedious meet and greet charade. Oregon guided me into a chair, near the head of the table, and I was grateful when Finnick sat in the chair directly besides me, meaning my dear escort would not be next to me. He squeezed my hand reassuringly under the table. I returned his smile, safe in the knowledge I was saved from Oregon.

"Seneca, I hear the President himself will be rewarding you for the success of the games." Oregon's voice sounded and I turned back away from Finnick just in time to see him taking the seat directly opposite me. Well isn't that just great. I shouldn't be surprised. The seat at the head of the table was for Snow, and we were both the people of the hour.

"I've heard talk." He said brusquely, his eyes on me and Finnick. Oregon seemed ruffled by the sharp response and busied herself with fixing her wig. Seneca seemed to realise his usual demeanour was slipping and smiled at her. She giggled loudly and any harm done was forgotten. The anthem sounded and we rose as the president entered the room and took his seat. This was going to be the most awkward meal I've ever attended.

The food was incredible, as was to be expected, but I didn't feel like eating much. I kept my eyes on my plate whenever I wasn't answering a question and let everyone else do the talking.

"Chocolate mousse?" Finnick asked as dessert was served, I stifled a laugh at his expression, knowing he was imitating the Capitol citizens that sat around us. He was a brave man, seeing as Snow was so near.

"Why yes thank you." I replied giggling. I was glad that I'd have him as a friend through what was to come.

The plates were cleared with such speed the table was clean in a blink. Music began from a band sitting on a raised platform near the large dance floor in the centre of the room. How had I not noticed this? I smiled at the fact the President actually had a room like this in his house. He didn't strike me as one who liked to dance. Tipsy Capitol guests began dancing with each other as soon as the first bars of music were played and Finnick went to find Mags for a dance. Don't leave me! I screamed at him in my head. I suddenly felt exposed and in danger. I wanted to laugh at the surreal situation I was in; abandoned and sitting next to the President of Panem and opposite a man who had kissed me with my back pressed against a wall in secret, numerous times.

"Do you dance Kai?" Asked Snow, looking at me with his beady, black eyes. I opened my mouth, trying to remember how to form words.

"Yes she does." Oregon leaned forward, grabbing the opportunity to speak with the President as quickly as she could. "They like to dance in District 4, I'm told." I wanted to kick her under the table, but refrained. Just.

"Why don't you take the floor then? I'm sure it would be quite the sight for sore eyes." He smiled at me, but his eyes were calculating and empty of sincerity.

"I don't have a dance partner." I said, looking towards Finnick, willing him to rescue me. He was going to have a talking to later.

"I hear you are a marvellous dancer Seneca." Oregon chirped. "Wouldn't it be fabulous if you danced together?" This close, Oregon, this close to your head being separated from your body.

"That is a brilliant idea Oregon." Snow said to her; she blushed every shade of red and beamed widely. Seneca pushed his chair back stiffly and held his hand out to me. Seeing no way out of this, I took it and let him lead me onto the dance floor. Despite everything, his touch sent electricity coursing through me body. He turned to me and placed his hands on my waist. I managed to control my body enough to put mine on his shoulders. There are no words to describe the self-control I had to exercise over my mind to stop myself closing the distance between us and kissing him until I forgot anything else except the two of us existed. As soon as our eyes locked, I knew I was trapped until he released me. He was the one moving us to the music, because to be frank I was far too preoccupied.

"Can I come to you tonight?" He said so quietly I barely heard him. His voice was as empty as his eyes.

"Why?" I whispered hoarsely, and swallowed to dampen my dry throat. Just his voice made a fire rise up inside me.

"I need to talk to you." He looked above me, checking for listening ears or sharp eyes. That sounded ominous. I nodded anyway, feeling the anxiety from the balcony return to me. The proximity between us was becoming unbearable. I didn't understand this magnetic attraction between us, but I did know that I wanted to get away from prying eyes so we could be alone. A tap on his shoulder made him turn.

"Mind if I cut in?" Finnick asked, only now thinking that perhaps I needed rescuing. Seneca looked stepped back, but the hostility in his gaze made Finnick double take. I pulled on Finnick's hand as they began sizing each other up. Best remain conspicuous.

"It was him wasn't it?" Finnick noted as he spun me away from Seneca. I didn't answer. "What's going on?" He said slowly, his eyes going wide. "Kai, what's he done to you?"

"Nothing!" I answered quickly. "Nothing. Seriously, don't worry Finnick."

"I do worry. You understand who he is?" His eyes are searching my face and my heart warms at his genuine concern about him.

"Yes Finnick, I do. I appreciate that you're worried about me, but I can handle myself with this one." I reassured him. He didn't look convinced but the amount of onlookers around us prevented him from pushing the topic any further. The band began playing a song that sounded familiar, and I realised with a jolt that it was a folk song from District 4. Mags materialises in front of us with a wide smile.

"Let's show them how we do it back home!" She said loudly, grinning so widely I thought her face might split. She grabbed our hands and began pulling us into the steps I knew so well from my childhood.

"Finnick…" I said softly as she claps her hands enthusiastically. "Is Mags drunk?" We look at one another and erupt laughing. I haven't laughed so much for a long time and have to find a chair before I collapse. I try to contain myself, knowing Oregon wouldn't approve but it was just too funny. It's the last thing I'd expect from Mags, and every time I caught a glimpse her dancing, off I went again. Finnick joined me at the table and soon my sides were hurting. I wiped a tear from my eye and looked up. Seneca is standing by a door at the side of the room, looking directly at me.

"I'll be back in a bit." I hiccoughed to Finnick, who nodded as he tried to focus on keeping the laughter in.

I left through the same door Seneca was standing at moments before and found myself in an empty corridor. I walked down it, uncertain of where I was going. The silence contrasted starkly to the playful, loud party behind me, and it stole all the merriment from me immediately. The corridor led to a door that opens out into a wide garden, and eventually I saw him standing with his back to me, looking out onto the Capitol below him.

"Be careful Kai." He said as I approached him. His voice was cold. "Snow won't like you getting so… friendly with Odair."

I don't say anything.

"He moves quickly." He continued bitterly.

"He's a friend." I snapped, not believing we were having this conversation. There is disbelief in Seneca's silence.

"He has a lover back home." I told him, and saw his shoulders relax. He turned to me for the first time and I heard his breath catch in his throat.

"You are so beautiful in the moonlight." He whispered huskily, pulling me to him.

"And you change your tune very quickly." I said quietly, looking away from him. He pulled my chin round so I was facing him. I kept my eyes trained on his chest, keeping them from looking into his.

"What do you mean?" He murmured into my ear. I tried to ignore the shivers of pleasure that ran through me as a result.

"I don't understand you." I replied. He laughed quietly and kissed my cheek, somehow managing to make our eyes meet, and snaring me in his gaze.

"There's nothing to understand." He stroked my neck, leaving a trail of warmth in the wake of his touch. I almost melted into him and begged him to kiss me.

"Yes there is." I retorted, pleased that my thoughts were still relatively rational. "I've seen a side of you tonight that's made me wonder which side is the act, and which is the genuine one."

He drew back slightly, frowning at me. He was so striking in this light. Soon, I would lose any ability to withstand the power he had over me.

"Isn't it obvious? Kai, I need you. Every second I want to be near you. You are always in my thoughts." He leaned in to kiss me but I pulled back.

"How do I know Seneca?" I asked. "How do I know you haven't done this to any woman that takes your fancy? I can't know, and I don't want to be played for a fool." My voice began to rise.

"I'm not playing you!" He grabbed my hands as I backed away. "You have to believe me."

"I'm not going to be another notch in your bedstead!" I was almost yelling, not because I was angry, but because I was verging on hysterical. I wanted him so very badly, but my brain was screaming at me to be careful. I didn't know what to do.

"You're not." His hands pulled me to him, gripping my shoulders tightly. "I need you. Can't you see that?"

"Seneca you're hurting me." I whispered, making futile attempts to look away from his pained and beautiful eyes.

"You have to believe me!" He pleaded, not loosening his grip.

"Let go of her!" Finnick came charging out of nowhere and pulled me from his grip. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouted at Seneca.

"Leave Odair." He ordered menacingly, I'd never seen him like this before, he was positively terrifying, which unfortunately, I found extremely attractive.

"No chance." Finnick snapped, flexing his muscles.

"Finnick its fine!" I said quickly, stepping between them. "I was just leaving anyway."

They were glaring at each other above my head. Why couldn't I be taller?

"Please Finnick, just take me back?" I pleaded. He finally looked at me and nodded tersely, pulling me away quickly. I looked over my shoulder to see Seneca staring after us, his eyes on fire.

We didn't speak until we got back to my apartment. Finnick stormed in, and I scuttled after him timidly, not looking forward to the scene that was about to unfurl.

"Look, it's not what you think." I began cautiously.

"It is exactly what I think." He yelled, throwing a vase against the wall. I jumped back in fear. "Why are you so naïve Kai? Can't you see he just wants you in his bed?"

"I am not naïve." I snapped, anger rising in me. "I know what I'm doing."

"You don't! He's from the Capitol, you can't trust him." He shouted at me.

"He's different!" I was slightly surprised I was defending Seneca, seeing as I'd just questioned his motives.

"He's not." Finnick disagreed. "Look, Kai, I'm just trying to keep you as out of harm's way as I can. Part of the reason Annie is so messed up is because of what the Capitol tried to do to her once she was out of the arena. I won't see you go down the same route, because I know how much she suffered, and it hurts me every day when I see the pain in her eyes and think about I could have saved her."

"He said he'd keep me safe." I said quietly, disarmed by the frustration and pain in his voice. I wanted someone to love me as much as he loved Annie. Perhaps that someone was Seneca.

"Do you believe him?" He asked.

"I don't know yet." I replied honestly.

"Well don't get in too deep. Once you've made your bed, you're going to have to sleep in it. This isn't District 4." Finnick looked at me for a moment, shaking his head and turned on his heel, leaving me alone in my apartment. I walked to my bedroom, switching off all the lights and collapsed onto the covers of the bed and breathed deeply. How many emotions could I experience in a day? I was exhausted. Through everything going on in my mind, I knew one thing for certain. The only person I wanted to see right now was Seneca. He said he'd come to me tonight. Would he still come, after the scene in the garden? Had I ruined everything? At that moment, I made myself a promise, for better or for worse, that if he came to me tonight, I would trust him whole-heartedly. I waited, and waited. Seconds ticked by to minutes, minutes ticked by to hours. My eyelids began to droop against my will. Eventually I gave up fighting sleep and let it envelop me, believing he wasn't coming.

A knock on the door that woke me at about 4 in the morning told me I was wrong.


	18. I'd Choose Him

I padded across the cold marble floor, and with shaking hands pulled open the door. Two white uniformed peacekeepers stood before me. Not Seneca. My thudding heart did a double take as I beheld these two solemn men staring emotionlessly at me. Where was Seneca? Why were they here?

"You'll be coming with us Miss." The smaller of the two said in a monotone voice. I stayed rooted to the floor.

"Why?" I asked suspiciously. The one who had spoken resembled a weasel and I took an instant dislike towards him.

"Because the President demands your presence." He said, placing a firm grip on my arm and pulling me forward. I yanked my arm from his hand angrily.

"Don't touch me." I hissed. Peacekeepers were despised by the districts. Well by those of us who lived in poverty. It was the way they strutted about like they were god's gift, and expected us to be meek and subservient. To me, they were almost as bad as Snow himself. The larger man stepped forwards and placed his hand on my shoulder, it was gentler and less authoritarian.

"Come along little lamb, it's best if you make this easy." He had a kind voice and a kind face. His skin looked like scrunched up paper, but the crinkles round his eyes whispered of happy memories full of laughter rather than the stern, hard faces of most peacekeepers I've seen before. I let him guide me out of the apartment and down flights and flights of stairs. I was confused, and my mind was still slow from sleep. I thought Seneca would have come. Why hadn't he come?

The weasel opened a heavy door and I was guided through into a stark white room with only a metal table that resembled a stretcher. At the sight of it I balked and tried to get back out of the room. I'd heard tales of the Capitol's torture rooms for traitors or criminals, places where worst nightmares seemed like fairy tales in comparison. The weasel snatched at my wrist and stopped me.

"Stay where you are Miss." He ordered, and though his voice wasn't menacing, his nails were digging into my arm and his eyes were full of cruelty.

"That will be all thank you Salvius." President Snow said, and I spun round to find him sitting in the only other piece of furniture; a deep red velvet armchair which stood, previously unseen, facing the metal table. Salvius nodded and backed out of the room, signalling the big man to follow, who patted my arm as he left. I liked this gentle peacekeeper.

"I find these rooms so… suffocating." Snow continued, and I fought to battle the fear rising up inside me, my mind screamed at me to run. "Normally avoid them if I can."

"Why are we here then?" I asked, inwardly cursing myself as my voice shook audibly.

"You don't need to fear me Miss Tate." An unspoken 'yet' finished his sentence. "I just wanted to speak with you away from curious ears, and one finds it very difficult to speak in complete private these days. Even the walls have ears." I wondered whether he was hinting he knew about Seneca and I, and had to clasp my hands together to stop them shaking. "You're a very popular victor you know." He told me as he stood and moved to the table, running his talon like hands over the smooth metal surface. "One of our most popular in fact. There are many people in powerful positions who would like to make your acquaintance."

"Would they now?" I asked, raising an eyebrow innocently. From the look he gave me, I knew I wasn't fooling him. He knew I was well aware of what he was getting at.

"Yes indeed. I take it you will be willing to accommodate their desire to know you?" It wasn't a question, it was a command. But I'm not used to these Capitol games, so no surprise when the following words came out of my mouth.

"I'm afraid I would have to decline any invitations I may receive. I prefer my own company in the evenings." I said defiantly, looking him directly in his beady eyes. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the edges of the table, but his mask of calm never faltered for a second.

"How is your father Kai?" Suddenly the undertones to his amiable words were full of the cruellest intent. "The only family member you have left I believe. It would be a terrible shame to lose your only surviving kin, and find yourself all alone." He drew out the last words, each one like a shot in the gut. I looked to the floor, submitting to his power. He was the victor here, and I was defeated. He would always win, while my father still had breath in him. "I'm glad that matter is settled." He said, his voice charming again. "You will be escorted to a dinner tomorrow evening. I hope you enjoy it." And then he was gone, out of the door before I could blink, or protest. Not that I could protest. I was a pawn he was free to move about as he pleased on his board. The big man came back in and guided me back to the stairway by my elbow. The weasel, Salvius or whatever, was gone.

"I'll take you back now little lamb." He said softly. I trailed back up to my apartment beside him, defeated and broken inside. I thought being a victor would mean I would gain more freedom, but I was wrong, I had less. I was suddenly very tired and just wanted to curl up in bed for days, shielded from the world by a plush duvet, but there were so many stairs to climb. It seemed like an age before we reached my front door, which he opened with an important looking key card, that I imagined opened many doors, regardless of who may own what lay behind them.

"Go and sleep." He said as we entered the silent apartment. I nodded numbly and began to stumble towards my bedroom, but a thought caught me just before I went in.

"What's your name?" I asked this uniquely kind peacekeeper.

"Marius." He replied simply.

"Goodnight Marius." I whispered as I walked into my room.

"Goodnight little lamb." I heard him say as the door swung shut. I went to sleep wishing more people in the world could be like him.

No one came to see me the next day, so I took the liberty of a lie in. It was a beautiful feeling, being able to sleep for so long, and the nightmares were not as brutal as normal. I felt properly rested when I left my room and wandered to the kitchen to find a tray of food laid out on the counter. I hadn't even heard any Avoxes come in, but I wasn't complaining, I was hungry. Boredom struck pretty quickly after that, the only thing to do really was eat, so by the time the clock turned to 5, I'd eaten enough for my whole prep team, well actually they probably don't eat that much, judging by how skinny they are; except Terrence. Misha burst through the door not long after, greeting me and whisking me into the prep room before I could stop him.

"Does no one knock?" I asked as he pushed me into the chair and pulled out his tools.

"Stylists and Escorts have keys to new Victor's apartments." He grinned at me in the mirror, as he pulled a brush through my hair. "And I expect Finnick has a master key, he knows enough people who could get him one." And peacekeepers, I thought bitterly.

"I take it you're getting me ready for this dinner tonight?" I asked dully.

"I certainly am." He looked far too excited; did he not know what was expected of me? "I'm sure you'll have a marvellous time. He has the most wonderful house I'm told."

"He?" I questioned, "Who is _he_?"

"You don't know?" Misha raised his eyebrows in surprise as he began dabbing makeup onto my face. "I thought you'd have been told."

"Well I haven't. Who?" I asked, wincing as he plucked some hair from my eyebrows.

"Oh, I'm sure you probably met him at the President's dinner. Don't worry." He shrugged the question off, and began to talk about what he thought I should wear.

"Look, it's up to you Misha." I said after about 15 minutes of him weighing up each option he was considering and asking my opinion. "I trust your judgement entirely."

"That's my girl." He winked and went to the wardrobe. "This will do nicely."

He pulled a floor length dress from a clothing bag, and held it up to examine. It wasn't particularly formal, more like the dresses I'd seen the more wealthy girls in our district wear on the beaches in the summer. Blue unsurprisingly.

"I'm I doomed to blue and green for the rest of my life?" I asked as he helped me into it.

"Pretty much. You're from 4 after all." He adjusted the straps and pulled a shoebox out of the pile at the bottom of the wardrobe.

"It may surprise you to hear this, but we actually have more than two colours back in 4." I joked as I stepped into the heels he pulled out for me. "Are these necessary?" I asked warily as I tried to balance.

"Really? I never knew that! Fascinating." He teased. "And yes, yes they are. They make your legs look amazing." He helped me out of the room.

"My legs are covered." I shot back, grinning at him. A knock at the door sounded, and to my relief it was Marius who had been sent to escort me. A mixture of nerves and dread knotted into a tight ball in my stomach as I thought about what was in store tonight for the first time properly today; I'd been avoiding that train of thought. Misha wished me a good night and I followed Marius through the building and onto the street. People shouted my name and tried to crowd round me almost as soon as we stepped onto the pavement.

"Move aside." Marius instructed loudly in a voice that made people obey. He placed one arm round my shoulders, and used the other to clear our way. It took far longer to reach the City Circle than it should have done due to the crowds who wanted to catch a glimpse of me.

"Here we are." Marius brought me to a stop outside one of the magnificent terraced houses with intricate wrought iron fencing separating the front of which to the pavement. An Avox opened the door and ushered me in. I hesitated but Marius gently pushed me forwards.

"Be strong little lamb." He murmured quietly. I nodded and swallowed, preparing myself.

The door swung shut behind me and I found myself in a hallway with a marble floor and deep red walls. The Avox motioned I should follow and she led me into a room with several comfy looking, wide sofas and a large oak table, and then left abruptly, leaving me alone. I looked around, but no one else was here, so I just stood there awkwardly, fiddling with my dress.

"Every time I see you, I think you can never be more beautiful, but each time I am mistaken." His voice came from behind me. Goosebumps raised on my skin at the sound of his voice. A small smile touched my lips. Seneca. "Look at me Kai." He said, and I heard him take a few steps towards me.

"But why didn't you come to me? Last night?" I asked, not turning to him.

"Isn't this better? We don't have to worry about being caught, because the President knows you're here." He was so close now; his breath was on my neck. I closed my eyes as it rushed over my skin.

"Only for now though." I pointed out, though my voice broke slightly. His presence alone was intoxicating me, I hadn't even looked at him yet. "Or is that all you want?"

"Let's not start this again." He whispered into my ear as his hands snaked round my waist. "Tonight I'm being rewarded for the success of the games. And you're my reward." That riled me, and I stepped out of his hold, my back still to him.

"I am not some reward." I snapped. He laughed softly and succeeded in taking my hand and twirling me round so we were nose to nose.

"I love your fieriness." He smiled, and I melted into him as he pulled my body to his. "I know you're not. You are so much more. You are everything." He murmured into my hair as I rested my cheek against his chest. "But Snow doesn't know that. So let's play pretend for him when he's around."

I pulled away slightly so I was looking into his eyes.

"So we can be together whenever you tell him you want my company, but I'll still be spending my other evenings with other men who take a fancy to me?" I asked heatedly. He dropped his hands and stormed away from me, sitting on one of the sofas, placing his head in his hands.

"I am trying Kai." He was angry; I could hear it in his voice. "So help me, I am trying. It is going to take time, but I have a plan. Are you going to fight me at every turn? Just wait for me. That's all I ask. I will sort this out. For us."

Guilt made my face heat up slightly. I walked up to him, and knelt before him, lifting his chin with one of my hands.

"I'm sorry Seneca." I whispered, stroking his cheek. His eyes half-closed as I said his name. I liked that I had that effect over him. I leaned forward and kissed his lips lightly. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. Let's just enjoy what time we've got for now." The anger left completely and he smiled at me, taking my breath away instantly.

"I like the sound of that." He agreed, pulling me up with his strong arms so I was sitting next to him. He turned my body towards him and leaned forward slowly, so his mouth was millimetres away from mine. "I need you with every fibre of my body Kai Tate." He whispered, before kissing me so tenderly everything besides him ceased to exist.

"And I, you." I murmured back when he pulled away. A triumphant smile lit his face at my words and the kiss that followed was much more passionate. My hands explored his body; his neck, his back, his chest as he pulled me closer. My mind became clouded with pleasure, his taste overwhelming my senses. Our breath became ragged as our desires overcame us. Somehow I ended up lying on the sofa with him above me. He pressed against me and my hands tangled in his hair. He moved his mouth to my neck, mumbling my name against my skin. His hands began to loosen the straps on my dress, and I stiffened slightly.

"It's ok." He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "I won't hurt you."

He was gentle, more so than I expected. It hurt still, but he was gentle. The pain was eventually replaced by ecstasy, and for the first time in my life, I felt properly safe, even if it was just momentarily, but when his arms were around me, the troubles, the fear just disappeared. Needless to say, we never touched the food that had been prepared for us. Maybe I shouldn't have done it; it's frowned upon to sleep with anyone outside of wedlock in District 4. But I loved him. I loved him. The very thought of which frightened me. I couldn't deny it though, as I watched him sleep. We'd moved to the bedroom at some point, it was more comfortable, there was more room. The gentle light that came from an artificial fire lit up his face, he was truly beautiful. It was strange, seeing him so peaceful, with his mask off; he seemed vulnerable to me, I just wanted to bundle him away to a safe place where we could be free, and ourselves. A place where higher forces didn't mould us into who they thought we should be. That would be nice. Impossible but nice. I reached my fingers out and traced them lightly along his jawline.

"How long have you been watching me sleep?" He asked with his eyes still closed, his mouth turning upwards into a smile. I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Not long." I lied, moving so my head was rested on his chest. I hadn't dared to go to sleep, knowing the nightmares would come, and they'd involve him. I didn't fancy waking up screaming either. I didn't want him thinking I was a nutcase. His lips brushed against the top of my head and I sighed contentedly, breathing in the scent of his skin.

"I could stay like this forever." He said softly, as one of his arms went round me.

"Then do." I whispered against his chest.

"We can't."

"I know."

"Will you wait for me?" He asked after a lengthy silence. "Until I work this out."

I lifted my head and looked into his breath taking eyes. "I'd wait forever." Came my reply. It was clichéd, it was naïve, and it was girly. But I meant it. I only hoped I wasn't making what would be the biggest mistake of my life; they do say love is blind.

Too soon though, I had to leave. We didn't want people talking, gossip spread like wildfire and stories got out of control. A hasty kiss marked our goodbye as I tore myself from the safety of his arms, dressed and was out of the door, escorted by another peacekeeper, whose name I didn't ask for, back to my apartment, where I fell to bed wishing his arms were around me. His smell was on my skin and I could still taste him on my lips. As my eyes slid shut and I surrendered myself to a night of horrible dreams that suffocated the happiness from my mind, I remembered I would be going home tomorrow. Home. I'd forgotten what it felt like to belong somewhere. Actually, I hadn't. I belonged in Seneca's arms. It felt right there. How could I belong with him and in District 4? I didn't think I could survive without either, but I'd have to survive without one. Which one, only time would tell. I knew I wasn't in for an easy few months; I'd have to face Adrian's family, I'd have to become accustomed to life as a Victor in my home district, and I'd have to live without Seneca for too long. I prayed he'd be one of the members of Capitol officials who waved a Victor off; I wanted to see his face once more before I had to leave, to imprint his image in my mind. The memory of his hands on my body heated my skin still. I'd given everything to him, and I think I knew, in the back of my mind, if the time ever came when I'd have to choose, I'd choose him.

**AN: Well i'm still preoccupied with exams, but i gave myself the evening off. I hope you like it. Don't worry, just because she's going back to 4, doesn't mean Seneca will be out of the picture. However, I will say no more. You'll just have to keep reading. Hope you liked it ;) Reviews always welcome; they make me very happy.**


	19. Homecoming

**HELLO! I am pleased to announce my exams are finally over, so more time to get this story finished :D thank you for sticking with me! I appreciate all the reviews and I hope you enjoy this next chapter! The next update shouldn't take long ;) not much Seneca in this one, but he'll be back in the picture soon. **

A scream jolted me from the sleep I didn't realise I'd slipped into, and it was several moments before I realised the scream was coming from me. Images of the nightmare, of Arcas standing over me, holding a knife dripping with my blood came flooding back to me and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I stumbled out onto the balcony and gasped in the cool air, trying to calm down. Grey streaked the dark sky as dawn twisted her fingers around the night and I knew the morning would bring a layer of cloud that would block out the sun. I watched as the colour gradient changed and the image of Arcas was replaced by Seneca in my mind and my thudding heart stilled. A knock at my bedroom door jolted me from my thoughts and I wandered back into the room and pulled open the door to reveal an exceedingly sleepy looking Finnick.

"Train leaves in two hours." He said, stifling a yawn. "Dunno why they insist on it being so early." Behind his tiredness, his eyes were sparkling, and I knew our last encounter was staying in the past.

"You're not so beautiful this early." I joked as I followed him into the kitchen and watched him help himself to my food.

"I'm always beautiful Tate." He replied, throwing a slice of bread at me.

"Don't make crumbs!" I said in my best Oregon voice.

"You're scarily good at imitating your dear escort." Finnick laughed rubbed my tired eyes. I couldn't have got more than 4 hours sleep last night.

"The nightmares still bad?" He asked softly, his face sympathetic. I nodded. "Want to talk about them?"

"No." I said, standing and making my way back to my room to change. "Just the usual; death, despair, pain. Sure you know what I mean."

"I find talking about it helps." He called after me, through a mouthful of food.

"Well I'm not you Odair." I replied, keeping my tone light. I didn't want to open up to him because that would just mean reliving those nightmares which are best forgotten. I pulled on some clothes that looked comfortable to travel in, but would also meet Oregon's expectations of being well-presented, and brushed my somewhat wayward hair into submission. As I looked into the mirror, I barely recognised myself. So much had changed since I'd been taken from 4 and thrown into this world of violence, politics and games. I wondered if my father and Maria would even know me anymore. Even my skin felt different. Perhaps that was because of Seneca, touching me, loving me last night. A small smile touched my lips at the memory of him and me together, a smile that quickly went as I remembered I wouldn't be seeing him for months now.

The sound of voices drew me from my room and I found Mags and Oregon sitting with Finnick in the lounge, all drinking steaming cups of coffee. Both women stood and hugged me in greeting as I went to join them.

"It's going to be tough reaching the station." Oregon said brightly, as she pulled a clipboard from her handbag that seemed to have several schedules on it. She was far too organised. "People will be out in thousands to see their Victor off."

"Great." I said sarcastically.

"Isn't it? It's fabulous that you're so popular." Oregon chimed happily. Apparently sarcasm was lost on Capitol citizens. Both Mags and Finnick grinned at me as I rolled my eyes and sat down on one of the sofas.

"Will Misha be seeing us off?" I asked, fiddling with the gold trimmed tassels of one of the many cushions that littered the sofa.

"Yes, and your prep team. They'll meet us at the station." Oregon informed me absently as she shuffled important looking documents. "And don't worry about packing or anything, anything you need will be sent to you from here."

"I didn't bring anything with me though." I pointed out. I didn't have anything here that would be of any use in District 4.

"I doubt you have a closet full of clothes fitting for a Victor back home." Oregon said in a voice that made it clear I wasn't to question her, so I sat back, and listened to Finnick and Mags talk about what they were going to do when they returned. I found it far too easy to let everyone else do the talking these days, which was going to be an issue when I returned home, because I used to be the one who did most of the talking with my dad. Eventually Oregon announced it was time to leave, and I trailed behind the others as they walked briskly out of the apartment. I glanced around at the place that had been my home for such a short time, and felt no twinge of sadness at leaving as I shut the door behind me. A posh looking car waited for us in the street and I was pleased to see Marius would be the peacekeeper accompanying us. Crowds were already gathering as I was bustled into the backseat by Oregon; I could hear them calling my name as they pressed in to catch a glimpse of me. Oregon chatted benignly into my ear about a party she would be attending tomorrow evening, so I tuned out and nodded and smiled every so often.

"Are you looking forward to moving in to your new home?" Finnick asked, cutting in after Oregon moved onto the topic of getting a new hair style.

"I guess." I replied, because in all honesty I hadn't thought about it that much. "I'm looking forward dad's reaction when he sees it." I smiled at the thought. All his life, my father had lived in poverty, and now he would be living in the nicest houses our district had to offer.

"That'll be pretty special." Mags agreed, smiling at me. The car began to slow and I saw we'd reached the station. Oregon wasn't lying about the amount of people who had turned off to see me one last time. It took a while for the car to navigate through the crowds, but eventually it came to a halt, and Marius opened the door for me. I clambered out as gracefully as I could, and was hit by a wave of noise from the onlookers around me. Did they really have nothing better to do than watch a girl get on a train? Our little group made our way down the station, and at the sight of familiar pink hair, I ran into the outstretched arms of Misha. My prep team converged on me as I did so, telling me to stay beautiful for them, and that they couldn't wait to see me again, for the victory tour. I nodded and told them I'd miss them, which was partly true, because I found their benign ignorance refreshing from the darkness that was around each corner in the Capitol. A darkness I feared would be coming with me to District 4. When eventually they backed off, Misha leaned down and whispered to me.

"It'll be ok." He murmured. "Try to relax, and find some joy in life again once you're home. People love you. Remember that." I felt myself tearing up at his word; I was very fond of this kind, kind man.

"I'll miss you." I told him, and I meant it a lot.

"We can talk on the phone." He grinned at me. "If you can't decide what to wear, give me a bell."

"Will do." I laughed and hugged him a last time. As I turned from him, I noticed that there were other people on the platform that had previously gone unnoticed. Several officials I had seen at the president's mansion were here, and so was Seneca. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the smile of relief from coming onto my face. I'd so desperately wanted to see him one last time. Oregon took my arm and lead me over to them, and I cordially responded to their words and farewells, though I didn't know any of them. Oregon told me later it was common practise for these people to see the Victors off. Perhaps as a reminder of the Capitols power, and how many people Snow had at his command. I turned to Seneca last, and my heart swelled at the sight of him, confirming the fact I loved this man, regardless of whether my head thought that was a good idea. He shook my hand, as the others had, but then pulled me closer kissed my cheek just lightly. Anyone watching would just think he was being polite.

"Goodbye Kai." He whispered so quietly only I could hear. "Wait for me." My knees went weak at his proximity but I managed to keep myself composed; drinking in his appearance desperately one last time as Oregon ushered me onto the train. As the doors slid shut, the last thing I saw were the blue eyes of the man I wanted so desperately.

On the train, I went through the motions, eating when I was supposed to, talking when talked to, and laughing if a joke was told. My mind was on Seneca though, replaying our moment, and the feeling of his lips brushing against the skin on my cheek. I imagined a hundred different futures in which we could be together, each as unlikely as the next. As I climbed into my bed at the end of the day, already bored at being stuck on the train, I decided to put him from my mind. Just for now. All this pointless dreaming was petty and wouldn't help anything. I was looking forward to seeing dad again. It seemed an age since I'd last seen his wrinkly smile and brown hair, flecked with grey, which was always messy. I hoped he could still look at me. His daughter was responsible for the deaths of 4 other teenagers. Suddenly I was hit by the full force of how much I missed him, with his soothing tones and logical words. I wished I could run right off the train and straight to him but we wouldn't be arriving until tomorrow, so it was with a heavy and impatient heart I laid down to sleep. The slight motion of the train sent me off far too quickly, and I woke drenched in sweat, paralysed in fear, relief flooding through me as I realised Tempest wasn't actually laughing over the mangled bodies of my prep team. The warm water from the shower soothed my frazzled nerves and eventually, I deemed myself sane enough to go to breakfast without scaring everyone. They were already there, helping themselves to the food laid out for us by the attendants, and as always, it looked amazing. I helped myself to a huge portion, wanting to make the most of this fabulous food.

"Kai, Misha gave me your token to give back to you." Mags said, and I looked up to see the silver trident pendant Maria had given me, the one I'd worn in the arena. "The doctors took it off you while they were working on you." I nodded, and took it wordlessly. I'd forgotten about it, but I was glad to have it back. I think Maria would kill me if I didn't return it. Well actually, chances were I wasn't going to be around to return it anyway, but still.

"And the bracelet?" I asked, as I remembered my sisters bracelet I'd given to Mags before I went into the arena. She smiled and took it from her pocket.

"It hasn't left my sight." She said and took my hand and tied it round my wrist. I grinned gratefully at her and ran my fingers over the braided, frayed rope. I used to fiddle with it all the time and it was comforting to feel the bracelet under my touch again.

"You'll be expected to start some sort of hobby, or skill or something whilst you're in District 4, seeing as you won't be working." Oregon said after a moment. "What can you do?"

"Asides from kill and look pretty?" Finnick teased, earning a glare from me.

"I never had time for hobbies before." I told her, completely stumped.

"When I got back, I learned the flute." Mags said. "I was awful, but I always liked listening to other people play at our festivals. Perhaps you could try that?" I shot her a grateful look as Oregon agreed whole-heartedly, then left to plan her schedule for when she returned to the Capitol.

"Do you think she ever does anything spontaneous?" I asked as she clattered out of the room.

"I highly doubt it." Mags replied while Finnick laughed.

In contrast to the last train ride I'd taken; this one was far more boring. I wasn't being carted off to my death, which was a plus, but since the arena, small, confined spaces make me feel suffocated and unsafe. So to say when the train finally began to slow was a relief, would be an understatement. Excitement started building up inside me as I walked over to the window and saw the tall fence around our district getting larger as we approached. The first thing my eyes were drawn to was the coast line. I never thought I'd see the ocean again, so to see the light dancing on the surface, and the colours of blue and green swirl and race around one another made my heart sing. I was home. Finnick actually had to restrain me slightly as I raced to the train door, desperate to see my father, my friends.

"Calm down Tate. They're not going anywhere." He teased, as I huffed impatiently at the doors that weren't opening.

"Act with decorum now Kai." Oregon reminded me. "There will be cameras."

The doors finally slid open and I was blinded by the sunlight streaming into the darkened train. As my eyes became accustomed I could see crowds of people, my people cheering as Mags led me off the train. Maria's arms found me almost instantly.

"I can't believe it." She cried hysterically into my ear. "I can't believe you're home. I missed you so much."

"Hey." I said, pulling away so I could look at her properly. "You told me I had to bring your bracelet back remember? I had to stay alive." I hugged her tightly; I'd missed her so much. Other friends from school or my neighbourhood greeted me with huge smiles and a definite sense of reverence; I knew I'd be treated differently from now on. It was good to see them all, but who I really wanted was my father. I looked into the sea of faces around me but his wasn't there. Part of me began to panic.

"Maria." I said slowly. "Where's my dad?" The silence that followed was so heavy I feared the worst. "Where is he?" I repeated.

"He… Well." She started, looking to the floor. "He got ill while you were gone."

"He's dead?" I asked, my mind going blank in shock. I was vaguely aware of Finnick grabbing me before I fell to the floor.

"No! No!" She said quickly. "But he's very sick. He's been bed-ridden for weeks now. He wouldn't have made it all the way to the station. I'm so sorry." Her voice went soft and she rubbed my arm comfortingly. He was still alive though? That was fine. He'd be ok. He was always ok.

"I want to see him." I murmured.

"That will have to wait." Oregon said. "You're expected at the mayor's house." I looked at her in disbelief.

"It will not have to wait. I'm going to see him now." I stated, staring at her incredulously. Did she not have a heart?

"We have a schedule to keep to." She pointed out as if this made all the difference.

"I don't care." I snapped, probably too harshly. "I want my father." Her face softened as my voice choked on the last words and she nodded reluctantly.

Mags grabbed my wrist and led me through the throng of people who parted like the sea and whispered sympathetically as I passed them. News of the victor's father must have reached everyone from the pats on the back and words of comfort I received from strangers I'd only seen in passing before. My hands found the worn iron handle of the chipped red door that was so adored in my childhood. With a deep breath I walked over the threshold, my movements disturbing the dust that floated lazily in the sunlight that streamed in from the patterned glass window in the kitchen. I was aware of Mags entering behind me, but I paid her no attention as I made my way slowly up the stairs towards my father's room. Everything about this house gave me comfort; the smell, the colours, the rickety angles of second hand furniture, but the sense of foreboding was overbearing. It poured from the walls and threatened to drown me. With shaking hands I pushed open the door to my dad's room. He lay in the bed he once shared with my mother, his eyes close and his breath rasping. It wouldn't take a doctor to tell me he wasn't going to make it. Unwelcome tears sprung to my eyes and I walked towards him, feeling like a little child. My fingers found his as soon as I reached the bed and I held on to him with all my strength.

"Daddy?" I choked out, my voice barely louder than a whisper. A sheen of sweat covered his skin, and his hair was straggly and unkempt. There was no strength or determination in his face. This wasn't the man I'd left behind.

"Kai?" His voice rasped as one of my tears splashed onto his frail fingers. His familiar deep green eyes flickered open; people always said I had my father's eyes, and sought me out through the mist of pain he seemed to be in. "Is that really you, my little soldier?"

"Yes dad." I murmured, stroking his hair and biting my lip hard to keep myself from breaking down.

"I knew you'd be ok. Always a fighter." I smiled despite myself.

"I missed you dad." I told him as he struggled to sit. "Don't exert yourself. You aren't well." I instructed.

"I want to look at you properly." He said, his normally strong voice wavering. I stood and twirled in a circle, my arms raised, as I used to do whenever rain caught us off guard outside.

"I haven't changed that much dad. It's only been a few months." I said, returning straight to his bedside and finding his hand again.

"No, you have changed." He murmured, bringing his free hand up to stroke my hair. "I can see the pain in your eyes. My poor little girl. No one should experience the horrors you saw." There was anger in his voice.

"Let's not talk about that." I told him, faking a smile. "Let's talk about here, home. And you."

"I wish I could take it away from you. You are too good a person to carry so much weight." He carried on, ignoring my words.

"We can move into Victor's Village now." I tried again. "Our new home will be huge!"

"I should be protecting you." He ranted angrily, ignoring me still. "I'm too weak to protect my own daughter. What good am I?"

"Stop!" I said loudly. "You can't stop the Capitol, no one can, only a fool would try, and you are no fool. Put it from your mind; you are the best father anyone could ask for, and we are going to move into the new house and you will have everything you ever wanted." The tears were coming again, I could feel them.

"No Kai." He whispered, the fire that had just blazed out had fizzled out; leaving the frail old man that was only a shadow of my happy, strong father. "I'm dying, now don't argue, just listen. I'm dying; I can feel it in my bones. I want to die here, this is home, and this is where the memories of happier times linger. I'm off to see your mother and your sister soon, and my only regret is leaving you here, alone. Hell, it's a huge regret, and I feel nothing but guilt when I think of it, but no man can put off death."

"Please don't leave me." I begged him, pressing my lips to the back of his clammy hand.

"Hey now, keep your chin up. You'll be ok." He said with a small smile. "I'll be protecting you from beyond, don't be afraid. I love you, little soldier."

"I love you too dad."

I sat with him as he slid back to sleep, my hand in his. Mags put her hand on my shoulder and tried to get me to leave; the first of many attempts from many different people. I wouldn't leave him. Hours passed but I stayed by his side, talking to him about my childhood, and memories we were both fond of. His breathing slowed but he hung on to this life. Eventually, my voice became hoarse and I lapsed into silence, having recalled everything from my past that had made us laugh or cry at the time. It was in this silence a soft breeze made its way in through the window and brushed my cheek as gently as a kiss, and with that, my loving father let out his last breath and left me forever.


	20. You Will Be My Redemption

I was numb inside. I went to parties at the mayor's house, I smiled at the adoring crowds, and I made speeches at the festivals thrown in my honour. But I was so alone. When nothing was expected of me I drew back into myself. I'd taken to sitting in the one dining room chair that faced the window in the new house. The big house that felt nothing like a home. Through the window I could see the rolling waves of the sea, and the sea birds that dived in and out of the water searching for fish. I fancied I was one of those birds, soaring above the water, free from everything and everyone. But I wasn't one of those birds. I was trapped. Mags and Finnick tried all they could to get the old me back; their visits were frequent but came to no avail. When I was alone, I would wander down to the plot of land the Tate family had owned. When my mother had died, we planted a cherry blossom tree there, as a memorial, and dad and I had thought it fitting to plant another when my sister returned from the games in a wooden box. Both trees were large now, and the sea wind sent blossom drifting down onto the grassy ground below. The petals would stroke past my upturned face as they fell, when I stood underneath them, gazing at their tall branches. After my father's funeral, Finnick had helped me plant another sapling. It was half the height of the other trees, but when I stroked the young trunk and touched the new leaves, I felt his presence and that brought peace to my trouble heart. For a while, I thought it had been my fault he'd died. Perhaps I'd displeased the President; perhaps he'd learned the truth about me and Seneca. But when I'd turned up on Finnick's doorstep, my face soaked with tears intermingled with the summer rain, and voiced my worries; he'd told me there was no doubt my father had died of natural causes. He'd also said that there was a silver lining; Snow had nothing over me now, I was practically free from the Capitol's grasp. I stormed from the room whilst he was in mid-sentence when he'd told me that. My dad was dead; there was no silver lining. And I wasn't free, because I belonged to Seneca, and he belonged to the Capitol.

One morning, very early, I found myself standing by the trees without really meaning to be there. I'd woken up screaming. Again. The sun was only just peeking over the horizon and the moon was still casting light on the sleeping district. The beauty of the sky took my breath away and I almost felt tranquil. I sat on the damp grass and leaned my back against my sister's tree and watched as the sun began to make its ascent. The dawn chorus came and went, and the sweet melody of the birds reminded me of the times dad and I would climb to the roof of our old home to watch the morning arrive, as I was doing now. One of the birds was sitting on a branch right above me, and it remained though the singing had stopped. The way it looked down on me, head cocked to one side made me think of a song my old neighbour would sing while she tended her herb garden. The haunting lyrics stuck with me from a young age, but I knew it was a song that would cause me to lose my tongue if ever the Capitol heard me singing it. I used to wonder why she sang it if it was forbidden, but I suppose she just didn't care. I didn't care now either, what could they do to me? They had nothing to hold over me and no one was around anyway. I cleared my dry throat and began to sing softly.

'_Are you, are you__  
__Coming to the tree__  
__Where they strung up a man they say murdered three.__  
__Strange things did happen here__  
__No stranger would it be__  
__If we met up at midnight in__the hanging tree__.'_

I'd spent many nights pondering the lyrics as a young girl, and I felt sorry for the man. What a horrible fate it would be to meet your end dangling from a rope, all alone. Who knows what had pushed him to murder. Maybe he had to; maybe he was protecting someone. I was a murderer too. Perhaps I should be strung up at the hanging tree as well.

'_Are you, are you__  
__Coming to the tree__  
__Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me.__  
__Strange things did happen here__  
__No stranger would it be__  
__If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.'_

I sang the last verse more quietly than the others. My mind had suddenly become disturbed. The lyrics struck a nerve that they hadn't struck before. The image of the dream I'd had in which I saw Seneca swinging lifeless from a rope floated before my eyes and made me shudder.

"That's a dangerous song to be singing." A voice drifted from behind me, and I spun round, my heart hammering in my chest. I saw no one and began to think I'd imagined the voice because it had sounded so much like Seneca. My brain must have been playing tricks on me because I missed him, but there was no way he'd be here in District 4. I was wrong.

"Seneca!" I cried as he stepped out of the shadows and into the light of the early morning sun. Without even thinking, I threw myself into his arms, seeking solace in his warmth and his scent. His lips pressed against the top of my head and before I knew it, tears began to stream from my eyes. Tears for my father that hadn't come at his funeral or since because of the suffocating numbness that had burdened me.

"My poor, beautiful girl." He whispered as my body racked with sobs I'd been keeping back for so long now. He rocked me gently as I cried out the pain in my heart. I'd never been one to let others see me this weak, but he somehow managed to knock down those walls by just being near. It was good for one's soul to cry every so often, my mother once told me, and that was certainly what I was doing now. We stood together for some time before the tears stopped flowing.

"I'm sorry." I hiccoughed once my cheeks had dried.

"Don't apologize." He said, lifting my chin, and wiping off a stray tear with his thumb. "No one should have to experience so much pain in one lifetime." I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, feeling warmth spreading through me from where our lips met. It felt so right, like perhaps the odds were in my favour just this once.

"I've missed you." I told him when I pulled away, my green eyes finding his blue ones, and holding his gaze.

"And I you, Kai Tate." He smiled softly at me, his fingers brushing a strand of hair over my shoulder as he had done many times before.

"Why are you here?" I asked as I wrapped my hands around his waist, terrified he might vanish at any moment. His expression grew sombre.

"The President sent me. In a way." He said, and I stiffened in his arms, fear began to trickle through my veins. "He isn't happy about your father's death."

"Oddly enough, neither am I." I retorted, causing Seneca to smile tightly.

"It means he doesn't have a hold over you, and this fact frightens him." He explained, touching my cheek with his fingers.

"I frighten him?" I almost grinned at the idea.

"What you might be capable of frightens him. You're a popular Victor, and one word against the Capitol might make some of the districts step out in support of you. There are whisperings of unrest from several of the outer districts, and its worrying Snow. He doesn't want a rebellion on his hands." Seneca looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was listening, but there was no one about to hear.

"I don't want a rebellion either." I told him. "Surely Snow knows that?"

"Not for certain." Then he smiled at me, a proper smile this time. "That's why I'm here."

"Please elaborate?" I prompted after he leaned down and trailed kisses along my jawline, sending goose bumps across my skin.

"He wants you where he can see you." He started. "He came to me you see, with his solution." He stopped talking and kissed me again; my eyes fluttered closed at the contact, and my heart began to hammer. Would he always have this effect on me?

"His solution?" I asked breathlessly when he drew back. I was terrified to hear the answer. I remembered the metal table in the room where I'd last seen President Snow. Was I going to be tortured, twisted, or killed? "Please." I begged Seneca as I thought about the pain that could be inflicted on me, my hands clasping onto his shirt. "Please, don't let him hurt me. Please." My voice broke hysterically, and I hated myself for being so pathetic, but I was so scared, and I didn't know how much more pain my mind could know without being broken beyond repair. My breath was coming out in short bursts, and the world began to swim in front of my eyes.

"You remember that night before the games? When I found you on the roof? I told you I needed you. I still do. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. I promise." He murmured to me as he ran his fingers down my back. "I promise." I looked up at him, and no one could doubt the sincerity in his bright eyes. I took a deep breath and nodded, feeling foolish at my outburst. The silence that followed was weighted and it seemed an age before Seneca spoke again.

"He wants me to take you back with me." He said slowly, his eyes searching my face for my reaction. I didn't know what to say.

"Why?" Came my sharp response.

"To live with me." He moved his hands to cup my face and gazed into my eyes. As usual, I became instantly frozen, trapped in his beauty and the overwhelming attraction I felt towards him.

"I… I don't get it." I started, my eyes moving to the curve of his lips as my heart began to thud. To be honest, I wasn't fully aware of the words coming out of my mouth, or indeed what he was saying.

"See, the games have lived on after your departure. They're the most popular yet. Snow wanted to 'reward' me properly, with a more permanent prize. This is like killing two birds with one stone. The people in the Capitol would just love it if their favourite victor and the Head Gamemaker were to fall for one another, and live with one another. And then the President would be certain you wouldn't be leading a secret rebellion behind his back."

"Sorry, what?" I asked slowly, coming back to earth with a jolt. "You mean I'd have to leave my home? Live in a place full of people I despise?" He dropped his hands, hurt flickering across his face.

"Why are you fighting it? I told you I'd sort it out, and now we've been offered a perfect answer." He looked at me imploringly. "I thought you wanted this…"

"I did. I do. But I… This is my home Seneca, this is where I belong. I'd be an outcast in the Capitol." I began as my thoughts went in to turmoil. This is the last thing I'd been expecting.

"You wouldn't be an outcast, they all love you. And you'd have me." He said, pushing me up against my sister's tree so we'd be out of sight as the first of the morning's workers began to make their way to the harbour.

"I can't leave my home." I told him, though the way my hands clung to his back, pulling closer, suggested something else. He looked at me despondently.

"You don't have a choice." He stated, his voice numb.

"Everything is a choice."

"No Kai. Not when President Snow rules over us." He pressed himself against me as someone passed by our hiding place too closely. The proximity sent my senses into overdrive, and the night we'd spent together in the Capitol seemed so close suddenly. He seemed to be having equal difficulty controlling himself, and he looked at me hungrily. I quailed under the burning desire of his gaze, feeling as if I were a weak creature being stalked by a deadly predator. "He told me to do what I could to convince you to come back with me." He leaned down and grazed my neck with his teeth. A quiet whimper escaped my lips as he did so, out of both fear at this dangerous Seneca, and the pleasure that went coursing through me. "I thought you'd be willing. I hoped you'd be willing." He's husky voice made my knees tremble and I gripped his shoulders to remain upright. "Women want me in the Capitol, they want me to love them, use them. They beg me to spend a night with them. I used to sleep with a different woman every evening." He spoke against my ear. His words made me stiffen. I didn't want to hear this. "But I began to despise myself for it. I felt dirty. No joy comes from encounters that brief. I didn't stick around and neither did they. I was so lonely. Then you walked into me that day, and everything changed. I knew from the minute I looked upon this fragile, scared girl from District 4 that she would be the one who changed my life." He pressed his warm lips against my collar bone before continuing, his breath brushing against my skin as he spoke. "It frightened me that you had this power over me, and I thought I was being foolish but I couldn't get you out of my thoughts. You promised me you'd try to win the games to get back to me." His eyes suddenly softened, and he looked so vulnerable my heart ached for him. "You did, so please don't fight this. Come to me. You will be my redemption. Every time I close my eyes, I see the faces of the children I was responsible for sending to their deaths, and I wake up alone, guilty and afraid. I need you there with me when I open my eyes. Please Kai." Anything I had left to argue my case vanished at his words and I pulled his face to mine so our lips met. His hands went down my back and he lifted me so his weight was the only thing keeping me up against the tree. My legs wrapped around his waist and my hands tangled in his hair.

"Please?" He murmured breathlessly between kisses.

"Ok." I whispered against his lips. I didn't want to. I really didn't. But I loved this man so completely, and he had such a power over me that resistance would be pointless. I was his to do as he pleased. I felt a triumphant smile come to his lips and his kisses became even more heated and passionate. I didn't even consider the fact we weren't exactly in private as his taste overwhelmed me and I breathed in his scent. All I thought about at that moment was Seneca. The rest of the world had melted away.

That was until he was suddenly wrenched from my arms. My eyes flew open and I grabbed the tree to stay upright, just as I saw a fist fly at Seneca's face. The sharp crack resounded as it hit its mark and Seneca fell to the floor.

"Finnick!" I cried, recognition coursing through me. I was vaguely aware of Annie Cresta screaming at him to stop as I stumbled forward, trying to stop him. I was pushed to one side as easily as wind blows fallen paper though, and I watched in horror as he brought his fist down on Seneca again and again.

**AN: Just to justify my use of 'the hanging tree' lyrics, in my mind, i imagined these songs that the Capitol had forbidden were known by everyone who lived in poverty, not just those from district 12. ALSO it's pretty fitting to Seneca's fate in the actual books. Not saying that's going to happen to him this time. Well i'm not saying it won't. I'm not saying anything ;) Hope you like it and thank you for the reviews! You guys are awesome.**


	21. How could it go so wrong?

"FINNICK STOP!" My screams mingled with Annie's as we both tried to pull him off Seneca. Crowds were gathering and looking upon the scene in horror. We finally managed to drag him back, leaving a broken, bleeding Seneca lying on the floor.

"What were you thinking?" I yelled at Finnick, pushing him in an attempt to get him to look at me rather than Seneca. "He's from the Capitol. Have you gone mad?" His glare turned on me, and faltered as he took in the anger burning inside of me.

"That doesn't give him the right to take you against your will. Why are you defending him?" He asked in disbelief. "You don't owe these people anything anymore. I won't let them sell your body to the likes of him. He's worse than the dirt under your feet." He spat towards Seneca, pure loathing in his eyes. That must of struck a nerve in Seneca because he was suddenly on his feet, pulling me out of harm's way before landing his fist against Finnick's jaw. Finnick stumbled back in shock, before regaining his feet and stalking back towards Seneca.

"I would never take her against her will." Seneca growled as they sized each other up. "You assume you know everything Odair, but you don't. Your own arrogance will be your downfall."

"Is that a threat?" Finnick asked, moving dangerously close to Seneca, his mouth curled in disdain.

"A warning." Seneca spat back. "Jealousy doesn't suit you."

"This isn't about jealousy you shallow fool." Finnick snarled. "This is about keeping her safe. She has been through enough. Just leave her alone." He shoved Seneca backwards, voice rising.

"I want to keep her safe." Seneca yelled back, retaliating with equal force.

"You are a liar. Your silver tongue might work on her, but it's not fooling me." There were practically flames coming out of Finnick's eyes as he glared at Seneca. "You don't want to keep her safe. You just want her around for whenever you fancy a quick fuc-"

"Finnick Odair! Stop this madness!" Mags stormed through the crowds that parted quickly in her wake. Trailing behind her, looking frightened, came Maria. It was easy to see how Mags won her games as she forced her way between the two men and gave them such a ferocious look that both of them stepped backwards. She took in their bruised and bleeding faces and turned to Finnick gravely.

"Fin, what have you done?" She asked hopelessly. "What have you done?"

"He was forcing himself onto Kai!" Finnick protested, though his anger seemed to be failing him as he realised what his actions may lead to.

"Was he?" Mags turned to me. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out, so I shook my head, looking anywhere but at Finnick. She regarded me sadly and turned to Seneca.

"I think it's best if you left." She told him coolly, dislike plain in her voice.

"Who are you to give me orders?" He asked, his voice just as cold. "I came here at the President's command. He won't be happy to hear that the likes of you were throwing orders at someone as high up as myself."

"I don't care. Go back to the Capitol." She stated, but he stood before her not moving. Seconds ticked by as they stared each other out. Eventually Seneca stepped down, his jaw tight with rage. He turned on his heel and strode through the people gathered around our little scene, not evening sparing a glance in my direction. Annie was sobbing on the floor, and the sound of her pain seemed to jolt Finnick back to reality. He went to her and bundled her up in his strong arms, whispering sweet nothings in her ear to calm her down. Mags took my arm, and with Maria's help, led me to my house and into a seat in the lounge.

"What's going to happen?" I asked, my voice hoarse. Maria rubbed my arm comfortingly as Mags got me a glass of water. I was in shock, and very frightened. Frightened Seneca would no longer want me, and frightened for Finnick.

"I don't know." Mags said sadly, making me take the glass, and coaxing me into taking small sips. "The President won't be happy. Not at all. I wouldn't be surprised if peacekeepers pay us a visit and drag us to the Capitol." I nodded stiffly, remembering the metal table and feeling my hands begin to shake.

"It'll be ok!" Maria told me, looking determined. "You can come and live with me. We'll hide you in our basement. They'll never find you." Sweet, innocent Maria. I remembered a time when I believed there were solutions that simple.

"They would find her." Mags softly told her, smiling at the bright defiance in Maria's eyes. "And you wouldn't want your family punished for it." Maria's shoulders sagged and she nodded her agreement, looking at me apologetically. I smiled at her, seeing myself in her right then, when Snow had threatened my father.

"You'll be ok." Mags said to me, taking my hands in hers. "You didn't fight him, you didn't oppose him."

"That's not why I'm scared though." I whispered to her. I couldn't stand by and let her take a punishment because of me, because of Finnick. Finnick. He must feeling so betrayed right now. He was only looking out for me, regardless of the completely wrong conclusion he'd come to, and I'd chosen Seneca over him. How could I make him see the truth? He probably hated me.

"I know." Mags soothed, her motherly tones calming my frazzled nerves. This woman was incredible. "They can't kill me or Finnick without raising too many questions, and if we can survive the games, we can survive anything." But she was so much older now! I wanted to tell her that, but I didn't want to be rude. "Why was Seneca here?" She asked, suddenly curious.

"He came about my father." I said slowly, unsure about how much to tell them, but somehow, as I looked into the gentle eyes of the two women who cared about me so completely, I ended up telling them everything.

"You don't have much of choice then." Mags sighed, standing after I'd finished speaking. "I'm sorry he had to take an interest in you, but I suppose rather that than being handed round like a pet to every man who takes a fancy to you."

"You're going to have to leave again?" Maria whispered in horror, clinging onto my hand as if she could stop anyone taking me away from her.

"Much sooner than previously thought I expect." Mags said, walking over to the window and gazing out. "After Finnick's brotherly display."

Maria's arms went round me, and I hugged her hard.

"You'll visit though?" She asked, tears in her eyes. "You're my closest friend. I don't want to lose you again."

"I probably won't be allowed." I said numbly, letting go, and wiping away a stray tear that had made its way down her face and clung to her chin.

"But this Seneca person might let you. If he loves you like he says he does!" She protested, sounding hopeful.

"He's never actually said he loves me. Only that he needs me. And I'm beginning to think those two things are very different." I admitted, to her and myself. I was suddenly terrified it was all an act on his part. The way he'd left without a backwards glance had planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Mags turned to me, and surveyed me for a moment.

"I hope you're wrong." She said after a while.

"So do I." I responded.

* * *

It was 3 days before the peacekeepers came to call. A sharp knock on the front door drew me from an uneasy sleep filled with shadows, and I stumbled downstairs and opened it without thinking. In my sleepy state, I wasn't fully aware of what was going on as I was seized roughly and material was stuffed into my mouth to keep from crying out. I thought I was still dreaming as I was half escorted, half dragged to an awaiting train at the station, while around me, people in their houses slept on peacefully, unaware of the muffled arrests happening on their doorsteps. I was pushed into the train and dragged into a padded room with no windows. As I hit the floor, I saw Finnick being taken past, struggling and lashing out at the unfortunate peacekeepers assigned to taking him. The ones who had brought me here left to help, letting the door swing shut and leaving me alone to put together my scrambled thoughts. I tried to get the door open, but there was no handle on this side of the door. I sat back against the soft wall and pulled my knees up under my chin. What an earth had happened? One day, I'd gone to sleep a girl and woken up with my childhood slipping through my fingers before I could blink. I began to laugh, hysteria bubbling up inside me, this situation was so surreal, so far-fetched that even in my worst nightmares, my wildest daydreams, I'd never have dreamed it up. The noise died in my throat though, as the sound of screaming reached me. My heart stopped as I strained my ears to listen. Whoever was screaming was in intense pain, that much was obvious from the sound, and it was making my skin crawl. The scream cut off and was replaced by a woman begging for it to stop. My blood turned to ice as I realised that woman was Mags. I threw myself at the door, desperate to get to her, to help her, just as the screaming started again. I bellowed through the door, I yelled curses, threats, pleas, anything that might make someone open the door, but no one came. I shouted myself hoarse, but still continued to hammer at the door, clawing at the gap between it and the wall, as Mags' screams continued. Eventually, my ceaseless attack at the door must have been noticed. The door swung open and several peacekeepers marched in, one of whom pinned me against the wall while another poured some kind of liquid onto a piece of material similar to the one they'd shoved into my mouth to keep me quiet earlier. I struggled against the man's grasp, desperate to get to Mags; I called to her, praying my voice would carry to wherever she was being held. As I did so, the man with the material brought it down over my mouth. Almost instantly, a wave of sleep, heavy thick sleep, hit me and my eyes slid shut against my will. The last thing I heard as I slid to the floor was the laughter of the peacekeepers stood around me…

* * *

My head was pounding when I came to. I looked groggily around as my eyes became accustomed to the light. Instead of the red velvet of my bed curtains, the view that normally greeted me when I woke from a nightmare, a crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling above me, and the bedcovers were of the finest silk I'd ever seen, with a heavy fur throw lying on top of it.

"Where am I?" I asked thickly to no one in particular.

"You don't recognise it?" Came a man's voice to my left. I slowly sat and twisted to the side, my movements stiff and clumsy due to the throbbing pain in my head. A beautiful man with black hair, and intricate beard sat before me, his blue eyes so piercing they took my breath away. "You should recognise this room." He continued with a smile that made my heart pound. "Though you were otherwise preoccupied last time you were in here." I looked away from him and around this strange room in confusion. But slowly, slowly the mist in my mind began to clear. I looked at the bed sheets and remembered falling on top of them, underneath a man, the same man who sat before me now. My face heated as I remembered my bare skin under his hands, his lips on mine, and I remembered the noises that came from my lips as he explored my body.

"You do remember then." He said with a smile, reaching out and touching my cheek. I flinched away from the contact.

"Who are you?" I asked, fear coursing through me. "What am I doing here?"

"Kai…" He started, frowning at me. "You don't know?" I shook my head, edging away from him. "It's me Kai. Seneca." He leaned forward again and brushed a strand of somewhat tangled hair behind my ear. The motion seemed familiar somehow, and an unpleasant prickling sensation moved up my neck as I looked into his eyes again.

"Mags…" I whispered, my eyes widening in horror as my mind un-jumbled the disarray in my mind. "Mags!" My breath hitched in my throat, and tears filled my eyes, threatening to spill over. "Where is she?" My hands grabbed the cloth of Seneca's top. "Where is she?" I was screaming, but I didn't care who heard, I was desperate. His strong arms pushed me back onto the bed as I writhed and begged him to take me to her.

"Kai stop it!" He ordered, raising his voice over my hysterical pleas and he pinned me down as I tried to get out of his grasp. "NOW." His eyes blazed and the authority in his voice frightened me so much I obeyed, and lay subservient and trembling beneath him. I shut my eyes tight, terrified he was going to hit me. The tears squeezed through my shut eyelids no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, and a sob escaped my lips. Then the weight was gone, and I heard him sit back in the chair. I dared to open my eyes, and fought the urge to bring my knees up and curl up into a ball so tight, no one could touch me. I eventually found the courage to look at him and to my surprise the anger had left him and he was looking back at me with wide eyes, breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry." He said, his eyes never leaving me for a second. "I'm so sorry." I didn't answer, too paralysed with fear to move. Everything was crashing down around me. How could it all have gone so wrong so quickly? He fell to his knees before me and took my shaking hands in his. "Please forgive me. That was wrong of me." He gazed up at me beseechingly, and then pressed his lips to one of my palms. When I didn't answer, he lifted me from the bed so I was standing before him, his hands supporting most of my weight as my heart thudded in my chest and I tried to remember how to make my legs work properly. "It wasn't your fault. President Snow doesn't blame you. I told him you'd agreed before Finnick found us." He lifted my chin so I had to look at him. "You understand what this means?" I shook my head. "We can be together now. Forever. I'll keep you safe. I already have." He leaned down, and kissed my lips. I remained motionless. "Are you happy?" He asked as he drew back.

"Mags." I whispered. I needed to know she was ok. I had to see her. He dropped his hands in frustration and turned away.

"You're going to have to pretend then." He said shortly, his voice tight. "You're going to have to pretend that this is all you've ever wanted and that you love me with all your heart. If you don't I'm not sure if I can keep you from harm."

"Where's Mags?" I pressed. He turned and looked at me sadly, shaking his head, then turned and walked out of the room. I sat back on the bed, and after a long time, I managed to put my mentor out of my head just long enough to decipher what Seneca had told me. I wanted to hit myself as I realised I'd just pushed him away so far I may have ruined it all. I was an idiot. Mags had already suffered because of me, Finnick too probably. I wouldn't let Seneca suffer too; he was only trying to help. With shaky, unstable steps, I made my way out of the room, and wandered through the house silently and hopelessly, looking for him. I was about to give up when I heard the sound of glass breaking from a nearby room. I followed the noise until I found myself in the kitchen. The cupboards were open and the floor was littered with shards of glass. Seneca was standing in the middle of the chaos staring at his bleeding hands in dismay. I made my way over to him cautiously, avoiding the glass and not wanting to make him jump.

"I only wanted to help." He said as I approached, his voice was thick with emotion. "I even do that wrong." He clenched his fists in anger, causing blood to drip to the floor. I reached out and took them in mine, and led him out of the scene of destruction into the living room, sitting him on the same sofa we'd kissed on the first time I was here. I gently opened his hands and with deft movements, pulled the large shards from his skin. I looked around for some sort of cloth to stop the flow of blood, but saw nothing that didn't look far too expensive. I sighed inwardly and pulled off my shirt and pressed against the cuts. I looked up at him, noticing for the first time, the bruises on his face. A result of Finnick no doubt. I raised myself high enough to kiss a patch of darkened skin lightly, and ran my fingertips over them. The pain, and worry for Mags and Finnick left me as I looked at the dishevelled man who I loved, and knew I'd continue loving regardless of what he did.

"I don't need to pretend Seneca." I whispered, looking directly at him. "I do love you." I held my breath as I waited for his reaction; terrified he might laugh in my face, tell me it was all a joke and leave me alone. Of course he didn't though, the light suddenly returned to his eyes, and the pain that contorted his handsome features vanished; his relief was almost audible. I put my arms around his neck and he manoeuvred me onto his lap.

"Good." He murmured, wincing as he moved his hands to my waist. "I love you too." He kissed me then, as if he'd never kissed me before. It made my head whirl and my heart swell. "You're beautiful you know." He stated simply, looking at me with a smile. I forgot the gravity of the situation I was currently in as he moved his lips to my neck and grazed his teeth along my collar bone, eliciting moans of pleasure from me. I let him carry me back to the bedroom and lower me onto the bed, keeping my hands on his neck the whole time. That night, we breathed as one, and he made love to me so sweetly I wanted to cry.

"I love you." He murmured again, into my hair as we lay panting afterwards, side by side. I leaned my head against his bare, damp chest and let my eyes flutter shut, feeling at peace.

I sat bolt upright hours later, finding the room in total darkness. Mags' screams had woken me from the most wonderful dream, in which Seneca was cradling me in his arms on the warm sands of District 4. How could I have forgotten? I was selfish, cruel. I had to find her. I glanced at Seneca's sleeping silhouette and kissed his forehead lightly, praying he'd stay asleep as I dressed myself and let myself out of the house in search of my mentor.

**AN: Told you i'd update more regularly. ;) It's getting to the good stuff now, so i can't stop myself writing :P I really hope you like it, and all your reviews are still making me super happy. THANK YOU! :D**


	22. Are we clear?

As I walked along the empty streets, I began to think I'd made a mistake leaving the safe warmth of Seneca's arms, I mean as much as I wanted to help Mags, what good was I doing walking aimlessly around the city with no idea where to go. I was also wearing completely inappropriate clothing for my excursion; I still had the night gown I was wearing when they took me, and not knowing where my other clothes were, I'd just put Seneca's black and red jacket over it. The wind was bitingly cold, and I regretted not wearing something warmer as I pulled the folds of the material closer around me. Perhaps I should have just given up. A bench near a flickering lamp post looked exceedingly inviting to my aching feet, so I made my way over and sat down with a huff. Where on earth should I be looking? The President's mansion? No, I'm sure he wouldn't want to ruin his magnificent upholstery with blood; anyway it didn't seem tasteful enough for him to have torture carried out in his very home. He'd be more subtle, as to not draw unwelcome attention, and whisperings of his deeds. That and the fact he must know I'd go looking for her, well and Finnick too, but Mags was my priority now, what with her age. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Snow knew I'd go looking for them, and what better way to warn the Capitols latest obsession against rebellion than to teach her to fear. I stood, knowing where they would be, and slowly, with many wrong turns, made my way to the building in which I'd spent my last stay in the Capitol as a victor. I bumped into no one, which seemed too coincidental to be shrugged off as luck, though I pushed such unwelcome thoughts from my head because they made my skin prickle. I walked unheeded through the large doors at the entrance of the building, once I'd finally found it, and tried numerous locked doors until one finally opened, leading to the staircase I'd been looking for; the same one I'd been dragged down by the weasel peacekeeper and Marius many nights ago, I took the locked doors as another sign Snow wanted me to come here. As I made my descent, my hands began to tremble and a cold sweat broke out across my skin. Mags' screams still echoed in my mind and the pain she must have been in scared me beyond any fear I've felt before.

Down, down, down I walked, each step heavier than the last, before I reached my destination. Marius stood before the door, and regarded me silently as I approached. I stopped before him, uncertain of what I should do next.

"You should not be here little lamb." He told me quietly. "You cannot enter."

"We both know that's not true Marius." I replied. "Let me through, please." He moved to one side, his face sympathetic.

"Be strong little lamb, I fear what is behind this door may not be to your liking." He said softly as my trembling hands reached for the door handle, and I pushed it open.

I'd prepared myself for the worst, but my breath caught in my throat as I took in the scene before me. Mags, sweet, compassionate, strong Mags, sat in the corner of the room against the wall, holding her legs and rocking gently back and forth, wide eyes staring intently at nothing. I walked slowly towards, my movements cautious; I didn't know how she was going to react.

"Mags…" I said quietly. "Ar- are you ok?"

"She won't answer you." I spun round at the sound of Finnick's strained voice. He stood next to the door, opposite Mags, his whole body held so tensely it looked like he might explode. I almost ran up to him and hugged him with relief he wasn't hurt, but I refrained, thinking he must hate me more than the President himself.

"I am so, so sorry Finnick." I whispered. "I didn't mean for you to get caught up in all of this." I'd barely finished speaking when he crossed the room and folded me in his arms. You had to hand it to him; underneath the cocky, self-absorbed hot shot he gave the world, he was one of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met.

"No, don't apologise. I'm the one who messed it up." He let go of me and looked at Mags, pain in his eyes. "I'm the one who did this to Mags." His voice caught in his throat.

"You didn't do this to her Fin, the Capitol did." I assured him softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "She'll pull through!" I wasn't sure though, she looked so distant, too distant. I didn't know what would bring her back. Suddenly Finnick let out a strangled cry and punched the wall so hard I swore it would give way.

"How could they do this?" He moaned, clasping his head in his hands. "She was too old, they pushed her too far." He turned to me, desperation in his eyes. "She's gone Kai, forever." I shook my head adamantly and went to kneel by Mags.

"Mags look at me." I instructed simply, as if talking to a young child. She kept her eyes fixed ahead of her. "Please?" It was as if she couldn't hear a word I was saying. "_Please?" _I begged her, taking one of her hands in mine. She turned her head finally, and cocked it towards me, looking curious.

"She won't speak again; we made well sure of that." Said the voice of the man that haunted my nightmares. President Snow had finally decided to make an appearance. I kept my eyes fixed on Mags, hoping foolishly that if I couldn't see him, it was just my imagination and he'd go away.

"What have you done to her?" Finnick growled from behind me. I prayed he'd restrain himself this time.

"Taught her a lesson. People need to know they don't have the right to speak to their betters as she did." Snow said lightly, as if he was merely commenting on the weather.

"She is far better than anyone in the Capitol you ig-" Finnick began.

"Finnick!" I said quickly, glancing at him for the first time, to see him being restrained by Marius and another peacekeeper. "Be sensible." I pleaded, looking at him pointedly.

"Well I'm glad one of our victors has learnt her place." Snow said with a smile that made my stomach churn unpleasantly. "I wish you and Mr Crane the very best." Threat oozed from his voice, and I looked away, feeling ill. "You could do with taking a leaf from her book." He said to Finnick. "Or your dear little girl from 4 may find herself in a similar position to old Mags here." Thankfully, Finnick remained silent, though you could hear him seething.

"What have you done to her?" I repeated Finnick's question, though I kept my voice neutral and my eyes away from him.

"Pain is the best way to instil fear don't you think?" Snow commented. I wanted to snap his sorry neck. "Perhaps we went too far, she is far older than she once was."

"May we leave?" I asked, turning to the President emotionlessly, keeping hold of Mags in case they tried to take her away.

"You may." Snow said. "Marius, Quintus, escort these two back to the train, they shall return to District 4. Miss Tate, you shall accompany me back to Seneca and your new home." Each word was a stabbing pain in my chest as I realised they were taking Mags and Finnick from me, and I could do nothing but stand by helplessly. Sure, I'd see them again for the Victory tour, and the next games, but I relied on them to keep me sane, to keep me from drifting away.

"Please come back to us Mags." I whispered as I attempted to pull her to her feet. "I need you, Finnick needs you. Please." Quintus pushed me roughly to one side and yanked my poor mentor to her feet. My arms found Finnick and I clung to him briefly.

"I'll miss you Odair." I said quietly.

"I'll miss you too Tate." He replied numbly as Marius took one of his arms and led him away from me. I watched as Quintus attempted to take a fragile Mags out of the door, her old, strong movements gone. She shuffled pathetically, slowly behind the peacekeeper, murmuring to herself absently, whilst Quintus huffed impatiently. When the door finally swung shut I realised in horror I was standing in a room alone with the President. I turned to him reluctantly and saw his analytical gaze was upon me.

"Here we are again then." He observed after a while.

"So it would seem." I said, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Now Kai." I shuddered when he said my name, like he'd tainted it. "I'd hoped we'd come to an understanding. You see, I'm here to keep the people of Panem happy, and they are happy to hear their favourite Victor and their favourite Gamemaker to date have fallen for one another. I don't like to disappoint as much as I don't like being disappointed. You aren't going to disappoint me are you?" I shook my head stiffly. "Good, that makes things easier. I wouldn't want Finnick Odair to become a wordless fool as well. Too many questions would be asked. Your friend though, Maria I believe? Yes, she is a pretty thing. I can always have her take a trip to the Capitol, if you understand me?"

"I understand completely." I said, looking him straight on, fighting to keep my body under control. How I wanted to show him what fear and pain was.

"Shall we return to Seneca?" He asked; his voice light as a feather again, opening the door for me. "I do hope you shall keep him satisfied. You belong to him now." I gritted my teeth as I stalked past him, saying nothing. He grabbed my wrist tightly at the last minute. I winced as his fingernails dug into my skin. "If I hear otherwise, you'll have the same treatment as dear Mags. Seneca so kindly pleaded your case this time, so make him happy, and tell everyone how wonderful the Capitol is. I will not tolerate anything that may seem anti-Panem." He spoke the words right into my ear; his menacing tone was so frightening it was all I could do to not flee from him, up the many stairs. I nodded, my eyes fixed on the floor. "Good." He said, sounding satisfied. "Let us take the elevator, I do despise the stairs." He directed me into a plush elevator that had the emblem of Panem on the wall. The very look of the thing made me think this was his private lift. How very honoured I was. The silence was heavy as we made our way upwards; never had I been more frightened or disgusted by a person as I was now. I just wanted to go home. My old home, where dad would be waiting with a cup of tea and some bread, and when he saw I'd had a horrible day, he'd tuck me into bed and tell me stories of his childhood. I longed for the comfort of familiarity, but would get no such thing. Home was here now. Somehow I had to accept that, and make it my own. I doubted that would ever happen. The only time I was truly comfortable here was when I was with Seneca, and he wouldn't be with me 24/7.

Once we reached the ground floor and stepped out into the cool night air, Snow finally broke the silence.

"I was surprised when Seneca came to me for the first time, asking for your company." He remarked pleasantly, but I had the feeling he was testing me; did he know about our past encounters pre-games? "What on earth would a gamemaker see in a Victor? It made me wonder whether he may have rigged your games ever so slightly."

"I very much doubt that." I replied, keeping my tone light as well. "It certainly didn't feel like the odds were in my favour during most of my time in the arena. All of it in fact."

"Except when you won." Added the President.

"Except then." I agreed, though it was a lie. Things would have been easier for me if I'd been the one who'd died in the final fight.

"Were you pleased he wanted to see you?" He continued as we made our way towards Seneca's home. I was surprised he was accompanying me the whole way, with no one else present; he probably hadn't finished frightening me into submission yet.

"Very. It was an honour to have caught the eye of such an esteemed man." I giggled in a very un-me way, going for the naïve girl angle.

"Indeed it was." The President acknowledged. "Many women have vied for his hand for a long time."

"I'm sure they have." This had to have been the most carefully played, fabricated conversation either of us had ever had.

"Consider yourself lucky then." He said as we came to a stop outside Seneca's door. "And don't go wandering off at night, or ever without his knowledge or permission. Are we clear?" He said it with a smile too forced to be genuine.

"Yes we are." I replied respectfully. I was getting good at the whole acting thing. "Good night President." I said sweetly as I climbed the stairs to the doorstep. He nodded at me once and turned back into the night. I didn't wait to watch him leave, getting through the door as quickly as possible, grateful to be out of his company at last. I made my way back up to Seneca's room quietly so as not to wake him. I suppose I should start referring to it as our room, but it didn't feel right. Unfortunately, my absence had not gone unnoticed and I was greeted by the sight of him pacing the room slightly manically.

"Where have you been?" He asked anxiously as I walked into the room and shut the door behind me.

"Looking for Mags." I said in a small voice. "I'm sorry."

"Did you find her?" He regarded me from across the room, several different emotions vying for a place by the looks of him. Anger? Concern? Relief? I nodded, as the image of her shuffling out of the room came to my mind.

"I think she's lost her mind." I whispered, my voice pained. Suddenly I was in his arms and he held me tight.

"I can only protect you Kai." He said as I pressed my face against his chest, inhaling his scent and feeling calm wash over me as his present brought me safety. "They have to be responsible for their own actions. Their punishments were the results of their own doing." I pulled away from him, all peace leaving me as anger reared its head within me.

"Their punishments?" I asked in disbelief. "So it's ok that Mags was pushed so far she can't speak? Lord only knows what they did to Finnick. No one deserves that." I glared up at him. "No one."

"Come on, let's not fight." He said soothingly, attempting to put his arms around me again.

"No!" I retorted stepping back. "Being patronising isn't going to help! How can you say they deserved that?"

"I didn't say that!" Seneca protested closing the distance between us again. "Don't twist my words."

"You implied it." I snapped, trying to move away again, but finding myself trapped in his iron grip. He forced my chin up so I was looking at him.

"Forgive me if there is no love lost between me and Odair. He did beat me to a pulp for no reason." I was losing myself in his eyes. I knew this would happen, and I bet he did too. I only had to look at him properly before I was putty in his capable hands.

"He…he was only trying to keep me safe." I said slightly absently as Seneca's hands moved down my back.

"But that's my job." He breathed, leaning forward to place the lightest kiss on my lips. Cue my coherent argument disappearing.

"You shouldn't do that you know." I said drily. "I had more to say."

"Say it then." He smiled at me, pulling me in so our bodies pressed together.

"Maybe later." I murmured, reaching up to kiss him, then frowning as he pulled his head back, grinning. I tried again, but he did the same thing. "Stop teasing me!" I scolded.

"I quite enjoy it." He said laughing. "It's nice to feel wanted."

"Everyone wants you." I pointed out in a wry voice, causing him to laugh again.

"But do you?" He asked, cocking his head to one side and raising an eyebrow arrogantly.

"You know I do." I replied, kissing his neck.

"Show me." He whispered with a wicked grin. If that's how he wanted to play it. Fine.

"Why should I?" I asked in my best seductive voice, my mouth next to his ear, as I moved my hands down to the buckle on the belt of his jeans. I was very unpractised at this sort of thing, but to my delight, Seneca let out a moan and closed his eyes, cockiness gone. I laughed, and stepped away.

"What?" He asked, confused and a little annoyed I hadn't continued from the look on his face.

"Nothing." I grinned as I went to sit on the bed. "It's just good to know that you're not in complete control." He joined me, flipping me down so he was supporting himself above me.

"How so?" He growled playfully.

"Well it appears I also have the ability to render you speechless."

"You do, do you?" He asked, leaning down to kiss shoulder. I dug my nails in the bare skin of his back and arched myself against him.

"It seems I do." I responded teasingly as desire overcame his face and he sucked in his breath.

"Speechless is good." He said, pressing his mouth against my neck. "It leaves time for other things."

"Such as?" I asked as my body began to heat up.

"Let me show you." Was his response. "My jacket suits you by the way." And that was the last thing spoken by either of us that night as I let him take me to places I'd never been. Places of complete passion, and places were nothing but Seneca filled my mind.

**Thanks to all my faithful reviewers and readers. You give me the confidence to continue, and i hope you keep enjoying the story!**


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